I have my own son from a first marriage. I have always promised my fiance - this is the person I will absolutely be with for the rest of my life - that if he wanted a child, we would have one. That is fair. But, at the moment, another child is the last thing I want, to be honest. I am 27 so I guess there is time for me to change my mind. Do you have any experiences that it might help me to hear of? If so I would really like to hear of them. Thank you.
2006-09-16 12:55:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, sorry I skipped the words 'a child' in the original question. What a dope. Sorry.
2006-09-16 13:08:43 · update #1
And our separating is not even remotely an option. Whatever problems we have, we will do whatever it takes to solve them. Why so quick, some of you, to tell me that this will cause a break-up, that I should leave? That is not what I asked.
2006-09-16 14:30:14 · update #2
If you aren't ready to have another child at this time, then don't do it. Explain to your fiancee why and talk it out, but if he really loves you he will understand, or at least, accept, your reasons and will not push you.
Of course,the reverse is true as well, when you talk to him about this, make sure you are listening to him as well. You may find that your reasons for thinking you aren't ready aren't as valid as you think. At very least, you owe it to each other to listen to each other and work things through instead of one person making a unilateral decision that they just expect the other person to have to live with.
But that being said, I have to say that if after you talk it over you feel that you still aren't ready then you should not have a baby. You will be stressed, possibly even resentful, and the entire family, especially the baby, may suffer. That's the very last thing that any of you want.
Good luck.
2006-09-16 13:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you will change your mind. I am 40 and never had any children although I have always wanted a big family. I have changed my mind several times over the years - yes I want children, no I don't.
I got remarried 3 years ago when my husband was 60 and I was 37. Since then I have changed my mind 3 more times. I think if it were just to happen, I would be happy with it. Maybe you will be the same way.
Good luck with whatever decision you make.
2006-09-16 13:20:58 · answer #2 · answered by I love my husband 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow you are in a diffcult situation... Be honest with him that you don't want to have kids yet but yet if you don't want a kid that will be hard because you already promised him one .... Love is selfless and is about compromise... Tell him honestly and why you feel this way and if he accept problems solve but if he doesn't and really want a kid that bad it is up to you then.. Either leave or have one ... Before my fiance really wants a kid and at that time I was sure of having it or not.... In the end I did and to tell you the truth I really really happy with my decision having a kid... I love my son and my husband loves me ..... I love sharing this experiences with him and get to see our son grow up each day...
2006-09-16 13:22:07 · answer #3 · answered by funkysha916 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While you have one child that your fiance can love as his own
nothing takes the place of having a child of your own flesh and blood. If you do not want to have another child you are not being fair to him and you should tell him. Every man wants to leave a legacy.
2006-09-16 18:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by d b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I have a "blended" family. He had 2 girls from his previous marriage, and I had 2 boys from mine. I was happy with what we had, and when my youngest started kindergarten, the last thing I thought I wanted was to start over. However, we did get pregnant, and now we have a beautiful baby girl. I wouldn't trade her for the world! She is the "glue" that this family needed to hold ourselves together... So, even though I was hesitant, it turned out to be the best thing we'd ever done.
2006-09-16 13:35:44 · answer #5 · answered by mamafence 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If u love him & u wanna keep ur marriage strong & family strong, u give him what u promised. He will feel that the whole family is his then, because of the new child makes the blood line connected to all of u & him. If u don't 99% u will lose him sooner or later.
2006-09-16 14:11:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your not married ...consider this a test..... tell him how you really feel....state your reasons for not wanting any more children ....see where it goes. But be Honest and comunicate with him. There may be a time in the future when you change your mind. Be up front
2006-09-16 13:16:11 · answer #7 · answered by John 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest to your fiance about what you want and what you are thinking. If not, you are being 'dishonest', and that would not be good. Just talk about it in a loving patient manner. I'm sure he will understand.
2006-09-16 12:58:10 · answer #8 · answered by merlin_steele 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I got lucky with having our child (her 3rd, my 1st) with her closer to 40 than I. I think that is the last child for her and I'm happy with having one. If she wants one more - I'll send myself back to jail for life (just kidding).
2006-09-16 13:07:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him about and explain what you have just said here and be honest. If he still loves you it wont make a difference, other wise let him go.
2006-09-16 12:57:52 · answer #10 · answered by mo_nut53 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋