i am married but separated for the 3rd time from my wife! the 1st time we were having problems so we went to marriage counselling she told the pastor i dont want to be married anymore! she didnt care how i felt and sex was only on her terms then she didnt give me none at all. i tried to tell her that other women were giving me attention and i dont want their attention but it is tempting! she said she does not care! so i left!
2nd time. we never made any commitments but we were spending time together and having sex. but she knew that i was trying to work things out again cause i love her and for my son, i found out from a friend she was seing someone else and was happy with them but she wanted to keep me around to use me! so i left her alone!
3rd time we made a commitment and forgave each other and was living together again! but then she changed and start treating me very bad and i knew there was someone else she was seeing again, so i tried to win a woman who did not want me at all. so i left with the intention of never coming back. its been 9 mos now and we have sex every now and then and she has been trying to get me back and i wont go back cause she broke my trust and my heart too many times and i dont think i can handle my heart being broke again so im very protective of my heart. and last night after we had sex she told me why she changed this last time and treated me so badly. she went to be with her 1st love! i say she dont know what love is! wut do u think?
2006-09-16 12:02:09 · 18 answers · asked by DUSTY 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You just keep going back for more of the same don't you.
2006-09-16 12:05:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say she doesn't know what love is, you have no clue either. IF you loved her you would not be tempted by other women, you would not be trying to win a woman who was smart enough to not want you. If you two are having sex during separation then you are not separated. I don't think either one of you know what love is and should never have gotten married in the first place. Sounds to me that all you have together is sex without the commitment that comes with marriage. I say split up for good and don't keep going back to her. Also learn how to spell I can understand why the other woman didn't want you.
2006-09-17 04:39:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
We know what is best for ourselves, but sometimes our judgement becomes cloudy with what we think is right. Sometimes we just love too hard. I am totally giving my opinion from one side of the story which I never do because her side my be completely different.
However, once the trust is broken in a relationship, it is extremely hard to fully trust a person again. Although you may want it to work, some people are just not made for each other. Some people are better only being friends. You are playing yourself by going back and forth sleeping with her. As a woman she pretty much have you wrapped around her finger because she knows as long as she can get to you sexually, she got you. (Sorry Women)
You need to push her back and make yourself unavailable to her, but always availabe to your child. You continue to be you and let her see what she gave up. People often realize how bad they messed up when they can't have the person they really want.
I would say do not give it another try. You go and find somebody that equals you and will give the love in return that you would give to them. Tell your ex you guys are better off friends - and only friends. Focus on being a good parent.
GOOD LUCK
2006-09-16 19:19:30 · answer #3 · answered by Miss. Tee98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with. A person doesn't just all the sudden change. The messed up part like her being with someone else and using you at the same time isn't something new to her. It was there all along you. You just never recognized it because you were " in love ". And I'm sure she didn't show it because she wanted to keep you
" in love ". The part about her starting to treat you bad? Thats just her way of being sick of you being " in love ". Then she wants you back? Awwww she wants to have you " in love " again. What it all boils down to is this: women are EVIL. They are like cancer to the soul. Once they get ahold of you they will eat at you for the rest of your life. Don't it seem like just when things are going to good they take off? I don't care what you do for them. You can buy them a 3 million dollar home, a brand new Ferrari, give them credit cards with unlimited spending, give then all the space they need, cater to them, treat them like a queen, basicly give them your heart and soul. And you do this willingly because you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, she'll be with you til the end. But in the mean time if another ship goes by with more options the little trollip will jump right on it in a heart beat. They are EVIL. I hate women with a passion...hold on....whats that? Hang on dear, yes we can stop by your Moms after we go out to eat. Damn women. I hate em.
2006-09-16 19:34:20 · answer #4 · answered by Justa_Honay_Guy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think counseling is in order. Alone definitely for both of you as you've been through some really bad times and need to work through it, and for her because she obviously has some issues to work out. If you do decide to "try" to get back together, go for counseling together for at least six months to a year before you move back in and make good healthy relating is happening, or don't bother. Your son maybe could use some counseling too depending on his age. With you coming and going and the mom changing about face at the drop of a hat, there are probably some major security issues going on for him.
2006-09-16 19:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by wellbeing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a shitty situation, sorry you had a kid with her really, i spose you should just really do best with what you got there and i can see you tried so hard. But rather than having a new strategy or approach or whatever just keep it about whats real. Obviously shes got some real isssues you know. these things can take years of therapy to get through
she reminds me of my former gf from when i was overseas, even the whole thing about her detachment issues, childhood, cold attitude and then second time im with her she was actually putting out, but in the mean time...I wasn't 100% faithful myself.
Only thing is you guys were really living together for a substancial amount of time and actually having a kid together, just make sure you put the kid first between the two of you and everyone can laugh at their own humanity and know theyre a good person in the end.
Life is short bro, forgive and move on, I wasted my 20s with a half-wit third worlder like i was trying to save her and teach her about love from a good solid american, me.
But its about time I realized Im the half-wit for spending my energy focussed to others rather than myself.
Because look,
you can change people given enough pressure and focus on them, but its not necessarily going to be the change that YOU WANT. its going to be their own thing, and its going to stick with them a while.
2006-09-16 19:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by jorluke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard situation because you two have a child. I know this is hard because I have been through this myself. Sounds like she does not know what she wants. What you need to do is figure out what you want for yourself. Dont worry about being in a relationship right now, what you need to do is get yourself in a good place, take care of your son, stop trying to woo women who you know arent good for you or are unnattainable and I guarantee when things come together for you she will think that she wants you and by then you will laugh in her face. Good luck sweetie, you sound like you just want whats right, hope you find it.
2006-09-16 19:08:25 · answer #7 · answered by mphsgal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Mature, You have tried 3 times to made this work,and each time your wife has treated you badly.They say,3 times is charmed,but in your case it sucks.You still will beable to see your son,and make sure you are there for him.This is very importance for a father and a young son growing up.So kick your wife to the hurb, and love your son, and be there for him.
Clowmy
2006-09-16 19:12:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like love but not "true" love. she might love you but it does not sound as though she is "in" love with you. I would think after that many chances she is not going to change but its really hard to say. At this point I would say give it one more chance maybe if she says she will change but if it happens again that has got to be the last chance. most importantly act on your true feelings. Follow your heart. Do what feels right inside to you...
2006-09-16 19:07:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lova L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is move on.....I am devestated by the loss of my wife for 12 years, but we moved in with her mom and she became more of a daughter then a wife and now she thinks our whole marriage was a disaster, I hate to think of being without her but I am learning that I cannot make someone want to do something they do not want to do.
2006-09-16 19:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by jbrown280000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Completely messed up! Get yourself into a decent relationship once you've calmed down a bit...space without a relationship. Think of it as preplanning for a stable environment for your child. Think of doing what's best for the kid.
2006-09-16 19:07:08 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋