currently in a long term relationship that was going nowhere never had the children that you always wanted, and were about to turn 40, would you call that a midlife crisis?
2006-09-16 11:09:46 · 9 answers · asked by phil5775 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
WARNING: You asked for my opinion - and I don't sugar coat my truth:
No. I would NOT call that a mid-life crisis. I would call it exactly what it is: making BAD life choices! Like, GIVING YOUR power away. DUMB move! You need a new "life manager". If you were mine, I'd fire your a s s in a heartbeat!!
Why do you keep making the choices you are making? They serve a purpose for you or you wouldn't have made those choices; so what purpose does it serve for you - to be "in a Long term relationship that's going nowhere"...?
And, just considering the choices that YOU have admitted to here, I have a few other questions for ya:
Like:
Why don't you care about YOU? and
Why don't you LOVE yourself?
Who decided - and convinsed you - that you are not worth loving?
I bet you just named some one other than yourself huh? That's half your problem right there. (You blame shift). Just a hint - it was YOU that decided - and YOU that convinced YOU.
(1) It was YOUR choice to believe it.
(2) It was YOUR choice to deny yourself all the things you deserve in life.
Why did you do that?
You are putting yourself in situations with the people that you can easily blame, (your ex-husband, your boyfriend...) so that YOU don't have to take responsibility for what YOU have done to yourself, (divorce, dead-end-relationship, no children...). Sad and waistful way to live... but, you did it. So now what? It's not to late to admit that your life was your own fault, (for all the things YOU chose to do and not to do). So what. We all make mistakes. You've handed the responsibility of your life over to some one that couldn't handle it. You lied to yourself - and them. You were slack, and made really BAD choices/decisions. Who hasn't? It's part of being human. So, cry over it. Cry because it's sad, and stupid, and a horrible way to treat yourself. (You have 5 minutes)... alright, that's enough. Now, GET OVER IT! You screwed up the 1st 40 yrs. - don't sit there and waste even more time. Turn it around! Take your power back. It's really NOT that hard. Just be honest. What did YOU do to create your divorce? What did YOU do to insure that you would NOT have children? (I was hateful... I lied about... I built a wall around...
Take responsibiltiy for YOUR part, for the choices you made.
~How?
(1) admit the truth.
(2) forgiving yourself
(3) learn a better way to live, and choose to be happy.
(4) move on. live a better life.
crisis diverted. - unless you like all the drame because you're addicted to it. in which case, just forget everything I said and God bless...
2006-09-16 13:07:33 · answer #1 · answered by Kitten2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My first husband cheated on me. We had no children. He was 42 and I was 29. We divorced. I don't think he had a midlife crisis. I think he had a full life crisis.
I have since remarried (at age 33) and I have since become a mother (at age 40). I do not keep in any contact, whatsoever, with my ex.
Life is too short to waste it on a "going nowhere" relationship.
2006-09-16 18:14:32 · answer #2 · answered by Sister Cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I would call that time for some serious life evaluation and changes. Time to communicate your wants and needs to the "long-term" boyfriend and if he feels the same, make progress, if he doesn't....move on. Even if he brings you momentary happiness, so did your husband at some point. There is absolutely no sense in sacrificing MAJOR life goals for temporary comfort.
Keep in mind also, that once you make clear your decision to take control of your own life 100% Mr. Long Term Boyfriend might just see things from your perspective a little easer. Don't call it an ultimatum...call it an eye opener. Good luck honey.
2006-09-16 18:14:49 · answer #3 · answered by A.R. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not exactly. I was in the same place "the same place" as you. I got rid of the cheater dumped the boyfriends adopted a child and pat myself everyday on the back for being strong enough within myself to let all the trash go to ruin.
2006-09-16 18:18:11 · answer #4 · answered by Extra Blue Note 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no i wouldnt call it a mid life crisis..you were married and the person you gave your heart to cheated on you..i would say it was fear of it happening again....and maybe deep down you havent had the kids you always wanted cause your afraid that if you did and it happened again that would be worse then if you were without children..but you have to forget about what happened and if this guy is the one and you know it..go for it marry him, have kids before its to late....
2006-09-16 18:17:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duh, yeah. Hi. Wow, sounds like it has really caught up to you. I am sorry in many ways, but glad in others. Look, this is a great time to really look at your life. Make some serious choices and try some new and exciting things. This is time to grow. So don't feel bad. Sure, it means letting go of some cherished dreams, but it also means discovering some things you never knew existed before.
2006-09-16 18:14:47 · answer #6 · answered by Isis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF the two of you are no longer in love call it quits and about the you could always adopt there are plentey of children in the world that just wants some one to love them.
2006-09-16 18:18:53 · answer #7 · answered by tootles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all called PROCRASTINATION!!! If you know the relationship is dead end, then let it go and find something POSITIVE that makes you feel LOVED, as for the husband good riddance, he wasnt the one for you....
Girl get up and GO OUT!!! YOUR SINGLE WITH NO KIDS ENJOY LIFE!!!
Oh and about the kids, you can always adopt!!!
2006-09-16 18:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by voluptoustaureanfemale 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The shortest answer I have EVER given:
no, that's a bummer!
2006-09-16 18:16:09 · answer #9 · answered by Happy Hag 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋