because I have started a family tree for our son and I now know more about his deceased father and grandfather then he knew. He feels I have "taken away his dad's memory" Cause he wasn't able to get this information from his mom. She lied to him years ago and said his dad was taken to florida to be buried. And all this time his dad and grandpa were buried in bakerfield ca. I now have to think about what I have done and why I didn't call him immediately call him and tell him. I don't think I should feel bad about it. I was going to tell him about it all when I got it done. Which I am weeks away from it. But he saw that I had put postings on ancestry.com. Am I wrong for doing this for my son?
2006-09-16 10:10:43 · 17 answers · asked by waiting4myredemption 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
My ex hasn't seen his son in 7 yrs. I only called him cause our son is sick and i needed info that wasn't availabe any other way. Im calling him tomorrow to give him some info. I think that is the best thing to do.
2006-09-16 10:18:19 · update #1
Your ex is not mad at you. Your actions have opened a painful part of him. When he can move forward, he will have a better chance of being a healthier person because you have given him the option to address the damage that his mother did.
For your son, you have done nothing wrong. For this man, you have done nothing wrong. Please remember that his pain is not about you. It may be aimed at you, but that is where he is wrong. How great for your little boy that you have documented his history for him.
Don't take it personally.
2006-09-16 10:15:32 · answer #1 · answered by anirbas 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-08 04:53:23 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No right now give him only the info he absolutely needs. Obviously you have opened a can of worms and you dont need to make it worse. Besides as I see it, you were doing this for your son and not your ex so let him find out about his family on his own if he gets mad about it. You owe him nothing so dont feel bad about it. Your son has every right to know about his families past and if dear old dad aint around to tell him, then you do the next best thing and do it for your son. And if Dad is upset by what you found, then so be it. The way I see it is Dad should have been in contact more with his son and told him himself. youve done nothing wrong and admire you for doing this for your son as I know its not easy and is time consuming. Keep on going despite Dads feelings.
2006-09-16 10:39:05 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ex or not, your son is still related to his father's family and making a family tree for your boy is a wonderful idea.
It sounds like your ex has a major problem with his mother and is trying to avoid confronting her by pushing it off on you.
Look at it this way: had you never started the family tree in the first place, your ex might never have known the truth about his father and grandfather.
Don't feel the least bit bad about it! He should be thanking you!
2006-09-16 10:18:33 · answer #4 · answered by pat z 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely not wrong to do this for your son.
If your ex had taken the time, and it does take a lot of time, to research his own family, then good for him. He didn't do it. He should actually be pleased that you cared enough to put the time and effort in to have that part of your son's history. Many people would not have bothered.
2006-09-16 10:27:05 · answer #5 · answered by Road Warrior 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way, you should do things like that for your son. He got mad at you for that . no wonder he's an ex. Don't worry about how he "feels" about the info you have gotten. The main concern is that your son will know about his family.
2006-09-16 10:13:52 · answer #6 · answered by mariposa 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're wrong. This was a nice thing to do for your son. Your ex could have done the same. He's just mad because you thought of it first.
2006-09-16 10:19:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your son has the right to know who his ancestors were. Your ex could have taken the initiatize and done the same thing but did not. Its not your fault.
2006-09-16 10:13:11 · answer #8 · answered by Miss Tee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you are wrong. I would try to apologize for not calling him sooner ( to keep the peace) but I really don't understand why he is mad about this. Maybe he just feels left out.
2006-09-16 10:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by lucy02 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has absolutely no rights to be mad at you. His dad's "memory" was fake anyway, and he choose to go with his mother's lies instead of finding out by himself.
And no, you're not wrong. Your son deserves it. GJ, mom.
2006-09-16 10:22:06 · answer #10 · answered by septiant 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋