I've been dating the same guy for 5 yrs now, we recently got married a year ago hasnt changed anything as we lived together before.
He has no interest in me what so ever last year we had sex twise...he's fine with that.
This year once, all of my other relationships previous were very sexually fufilling.
I'm so confused don't know if I should leave him find someone who does want to be with me in a sexual way...he keeps saying he does want to be with me, he's trying but still nothing happens. I'm 34 all my friends are having kids or simply having sex, what should I do he really is a nice guy but I'm so lonely, depressed and worst of all sexually frustrated.
He goes to a therapist every two weeks who's recommended viagra which he refuses to take.
Does anyone know of a good sexual therapist or something for him before I throw in the towel..pls I'd really appreciate it!!
2006-09-16 09:38:51 · 19 answers · asked by janice v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that you are describing a conditions known as Inhibited sexual desire (ISD). The person with ISD fails to initiate or respond to their partner's desire for sexual activity.
Sometimes, rather than being inhibited, there may simply be a discrepancy in sexual interest levels between two partners, both of whom have interest levels within the normal range.
Occasionally, someone may claim that his or her partner has ISD, when in fact they, them self, have hyperactive sexual desire and are very demanding sexually which is not your case.
ISD is a very common sexual disorder. Approximately 30% of sexually active suffers at different degrees. The most common cause of ISD seems to be relationship problems wherein one partner does not feel emotionally intimate or close to their mate.
Communication problems, health problems such as depression, insomnia, excessive stress.
Treatment is required by the professional therapist and it depends on the eliminating causes listed above.
If therapy is not giving results ask to speak with therapist or suggest change.
2006-09-16 10:07:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if he could care less about your feelings. I know you love him but why marry him when you knew he was this was. He will only bring you down with low self esteem and if he really wanted to get to the root of this problem he would see a doctor. He is to young to be this way. Maybe he is so stressed and can't do it but still you guys need to find a solution together before it breaks this marriage apart. Personally I would talk with him and if he wants you and this marriage he will want to save it and if not your only choice would be to leave until he wants it bad enough. When we love someone we close our eyes to the truth and only want to see or hear what we want, but sometimes we have to open them and decide what is best for us. I wish you the best because any decision you will have to make will not be easy.
2006-09-16 17:25:17 · answer #2 · answered by cejay1953 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea that is a bad situation. I experienced it too. It is very hurtful when the person you love the most isnt into you or sex with you. Us girls thought that guys wanted it all the time. There is probably something else that is holding him back, such as stress or alcohol. Regardless, if he is not able to perform on a regular basis, even if he wants to, then he might be feeling embarrassed about that and could actually have stage fright when it comes to being with you. There are many other reason too but hopefully it is not as bad as what mine turned out to be.
2006-09-16 16:47:36 · answer #3 · answered by Answer Me This 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people simply do not like sex much. If you are not getting on because you have a higher sex drive and you have tried to make it work I suggest you find someone who is more compatibale to meet your needs. If he wanted to make things work he would take the viagra and show willing but hes not. He may be a nice guy but life is to short to be missing out on one of its great pleasures.
2006-09-16 16:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by kez29 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have to separate from him, and find out what you really want, I say this because you married this person knowing what he was like sexually and now you expect something different. Either he likes men, he's not attracted to you or he has an illness, these are usually the only reasons that one isn't having sex as often. If you choose to stay, you may want to purchase some sexual toys to learn how to please yourself.
2006-09-16 16:59:13 · answer #5 · answered by Lisha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you marry him?
If he is having difficulty getting it up, I suggest a medical doctor and not a therapist. Probably something else wrong. Possibly high blood pressure or early heart problems. Erectile problems are the first symptom.
2006-09-16 16:43:52 · answer #6 · answered by troythom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He is not interested in doing something about it. if he loved you and were seriously wanting to make a plan he would have followed the advice given to him by the therapist.
2006-09-16 19:54:30 · answer #7 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im not trying to be rude because I had the same problem and he might be in the closet afraid to come out. If it crossed your mind go with your thoughts. Is he from a strict family background?
Have you set in one of theses sessions with the tharapist? because the reason he is going could possibly be what you are not thinking.
2006-09-16 16:58:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're unhappy and don't have any kids, and he's not willing to make some changes or put any effort into having sex, get rid of him. You're not tied down really. And you're young, go have fun!
2006-09-16 16:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What area do you live in? I know a good sex therapist in Kansas.
2006-09-16 16:41:12 · answer #10 · answered by LNZ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋