1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.
In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:
1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
2006-09-16 09:21:04 · 14 answers · asked by fireburn 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Politics
Good illustration of the old "correlation doesn't imply causation" principle. Of course we also have to keep in mind, however, that causation does imply correlation.
2006-09-16 09:25:58 · answer #1 · answered by 1,1,2,3,3,4, 5,5,6,6,6, 8,8,8,10 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is horrifying.I had no idea of the damage bread could cause. When I leave work I am going home and killing all my bread.Im going to stick it down the garbage disposal so it knows pain like it has caused.Its clear from this bread is the enemy and must be stopped.We should ammend the constitution immediately so that it never hurts another person again
2006-09-16 09:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by stephaniemariewalksonwater 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm an adherent of natural medicine. In your case I'd prescribe sticking your fingers into a bucket of iced water until the itch vanishes and you can leave you keyboard alone. Get well soon.
2016-03-27 04:17:43 · answer #3 · answered by Diana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't the bread, it is the wheat that is the root of all evil - it is destroying the very moral "fiber" of our society. We should attack other countries that grow wheat to eradicate this wheatofascism and to preserve our way of life from the wheatorists and the countries that harbor them. They will welcome us with open arms and kiss our asses for delivering them.
2006-09-16 09:42:01 · answer #4 · answered by notme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
... that sounds just like Republicans listing reasons that Bush is a good president... hahaahah... or even reasons to go to war with Iraq... hhhahaha...
better be careful... If Bush sees this legislation will be drafted against bread...
2006-09-16 09:35:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Heeeyyy, man.... remember the use of bread for medical purposes.... peaaaaaaace, bro
2006-09-16 09:30:20 · answer #6 · answered by ma_isa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I didn't realize this was such a problem.......I'll never eat bread again.
Thank you so much, it's like I'm reborn.
2006-09-16 09:29:38 · answer #7 · answered by ihatestupidclowns 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say do it and to hell with the consequences (bread strikes, bread demanding their rights, etc.)
:-)
2006-09-16 09:24:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
NNOOOOOOOOOOO! We must rise up!!!!! The walkways and living space are becomming unaccomodating for expanding people!!!!
2006-09-16 09:24:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
but then what would we do with all the peanut butter?
2006-09-16 09:31:12 · answer #10 · answered by arkie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋