I'm 21, wife is 25, both work at same job, in different depts. We don't own anything, we pay rent, & don't have kids. Our apt sucks because she has a lot of bad messy habits. I'm tired of having 2 clean up after her. There's empty bottles in the living room, messy kitchen, heck I don't even want to go into the kitchen, it stinks so bad & even when you come in the place, the entry/kitchen is the 1st thing you gotta walk past & the stench just hits you. It's like the superdome after Hurricane Katrina. We have a huge fruit fly epidemic coming on. I found their dead carcasses in my fridge, now I'm afraid to eat from it. They fly all over the place I can't relax or eat in peace.
We dont have sex, go out, see movies, rollercoasters, etc. cuz shes depressed, between work & trying to build an online business, plus she feels like she doesnt know me. Told her no more fruit or plants in the apt, she gets mad. Dont know if I should divorce & move back 2 my retarded family or stay. I'm lost.
2006-09-16 09:08:58 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Haveyou tried to discuss these problems with her? Do you help her any in the house? Maybe she is carrying too big a load. Are there any good things about your marriage? Have you thought about seeing a counselor?
2006-09-16 09:18:17 · answer #1 · answered by Max 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A marriage or any relationship for that matter is a two way street. It is a give and take. Sometimes one partner might do and give more because of certain circumstances, but then the next time the other partner might do and give more. You can't always give and take at the same time, but the end result adds up to 50/50. I know starting your own business can be tough, but personally, I don't think that it's a good enough reason to have your home in an up-roar and not take responsibility for your relationship. It sounds to me she is not taking much of a responsibility in anything. I know that there are 3 sides to a story...yours, theirs and the truth. Seeing that I only have your side I will go by what you said. I would suggest some sort of counselling for the both of you, but honestly I don't know if that would help. You have to ask yourself...do I still love and care for her? Does she love and care for me? You need love and commitment to help a relationship keep going. You should look inside yourself. Is this the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Personally, I see someone who is not happy and wants out. It's obvious you don't know if you should move back in with your parents or stay with your wife. My opinion...Don't go backwards. If your wife dosen't want to work on her marriage and if you are both unhappy. It is time to move on. Getting a divorce doesn't mean you have to move back in with you parents. If you can work something out with you wife, so you can save enough money to get your own place. If you can't work something out temporarily, try to share a place with a friend. Check the newspaper, people are always looking for someone to share in the rent. There is a huge world out there where you can travel, meet new people, go to see the movies you want, eventually meet someone that you're more compatible with, etc... I know marriage is is something sacred and special, but if you are not happy or love that person then your marriage has already ended. Don't stay for the sake of staying. As time goes on you could end up hating each other because you stayed with each other for all the wrong reasons. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-09-16 10:00:33 · answer #2 · answered by Lei-Loo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chances are her depression is the reason she won't do anything. It is a paralyzing horrible illness. Some people can barely manage to get out of bed. She needs treatment badly. Take her to a Dr or a clinic. It can be cured, but it takes time.
Can you afford a cleaning service every 2 weeks or even once a month? It's cheaper than a divorce and you will feel much better once the place is cleaned up. Get rid of all the clutter and make sure the refrigerator and oven are clean. Then tackle the bathroom. Be ruthless and use Lysol spray everywhere. It will get rid of the bad smells and sanitize everything.
Finally, if she will not get treatment, yes, it is time to get a divorce.
2006-09-16 09:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well first the question is Do you love her? I will suggest to you, first you need to get a good marriage counselor and try to get in some type of agreement since you both are kind of young and don't have the marriage experience that is my best suggestion Love will conquer anything.......However!!!! If you don't love her, you just married her just to get out of your parents house or for the sex!! that is another history.
First if she don't clean and is lets said a little bit piggy style that will not change much! believe me a woman that don't clean is very hard to teach them a new trick and since you are cleaning after her SHE already have what she want the maid without salary.
You have to decide if you love her or not. If you don't get, out of the relation before be too late...what I mean before there be any children's involve, a house, money, car,furniture... etc...etc.. so you dont have to get a lawyer to tell you give her 50% of everthing you own.
if you decide to get divorce you have to get a new job where she don't be on it.
If you decide to stay and get counseling....which will not work for ever.... Get a marriage agreement so if in the future you become successful and you find your dream girl and you divorce she don't take your life away.
You are young and you can start a new relation with a woman that meet your demands and you hers. If you are unhappy get out it will be hard only until you find a new love then the rest is history.
Better now that you still young than later that you be older remember time is our worse enemy.
P.S- If you get the divorce dont go back to your parents get your own apartment where you be able to do what you feel.
Leave your parents out of the relation you are not a baby anymore and they deserve some time for themself!
P.S.S- Dude no sex??? that is just cruel!!! 21 and no sex OMG, I feel sorry for you! Do something before you have to learn to cook too besides cleaning the apartment!
Good luck!
2006-09-16 09:34:50 · answer #4 · answered by Soyam I 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to live on your own, IMO. Get the marriage annulled or go to Walmart and get a $20 pack of divorce papers. You deserve much more than this! A pig-stye is going to stay that way, and besides, why would you want to live this way? Don't move home, but find a place to live on your own and start OVER! You are a young man with your whole life ahead. I can't envision a future based on what you've described, as anything but misery and more of it! Good luck and God bless you, both!
2006-09-16 09:18:43 · answer #5 · answered by Mars 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide but let me tell you this - marriage is work. She is not pulling her end of it but you said she's working and starting a business. So, why can't you clean up the apt.? Do you think only she can do it? Its all give and take. You'll have these rough times in a marriage, you either decide its worth the work or your not mature enough to handle it and go back home.
2006-09-16 09:19:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried telling her how you feel?
Why is she depressed?
Sounds to me you two are just too busy for each other. Perhaps you both need to set some time to be together.
If you really love her you will try to work it out and if you don't want to go down that track then you don't love her and by the sounds of it you should part.
Why do you have to move in with your family?
Your a big boy now you should be in your own place.
You seem very negative about a lot of things, including your family.
I hope you sort things out.
2006-09-16 09:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by slipper 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get your own place if her mess is that repulsive to you. you can always figure out the divorce thing later. sounds like shes depressed anyways.Tell her she needs to go see a doctor for her depression.After a reasonable amount of time you can revisit the idea of a divorce.Or she might get better and be the woman you fell in love with again.Just don't go looking for other women in the mean time that will send her over the edge.
2006-09-16 11:04:26 · answer #8 · answered by joy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ppl are suppose to grow with one another in marriage. If this is not happening and you both have struggles with day to day priorities maybe its time to re-evaluate your life and do whats best.
Find another livable dwelling.
Throw away all things in apt. that is unhealthy including kitchen utensils and make do with plastic until you can afford some.
...If she keeps going against your wishes to keep a clean and safe fly-less household maybe it a sign for separation and single life.
2006-09-16 17:42:43 · answer #9 · answered by NEMESIS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can tell you wether you should divorce or not...its not thier place and its a desicion you have to make on your own. However, you seem to have a serious problem here. I would definately have her see a doctor about the depression...it only gets worse. I hate to say it...but you live there too....cleaning is as much your responsibility as it is hers. Your to blame too. It might be altamadom time....shape up or ship out.
2006-09-16 09:24:40 · answer #10 · answered by Julie W 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋