he once a year phones the kids turns up unnanounced with a small present. they are seventeen twenty and twenty one i try to stay out of way because he gets funny with me. I used to try to talk to him but he wont and so i dont try anymore they are old enough to deal with him direct so i feel he comes here to my house just to diss me he often just walks in house and i dont know how to deal with it i have asked him not to come and he ignores me. they have mobiles and i feel he could contact them this way and avoid any contact with me. i am not bitter just his attitude frightens me like he still has control i think that a father is very important to the kids and in no way want to come between them but we have been divorced for eight years now and i think there should be respect there i thought as long as u had kids u should try and do the best for them but its all to complicated he was violent and i dont want to challenge him face to face how do i stop him coming unless i move?
2006-09-16 08:55:35 · 21 answers · asked by rosyreal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a restraining order against him, change the locks, and purchase a large caliber handgun. Next time he barges in, shoot him in the head. Problem solved.
2006-09-16 09:02:18 · answer #1 · answered by troythom 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I went through the same thing you just described. My ex and I have been apart the last three years. We separated about nine tears ago, but still involved. He wanted to know my every move. He came and left when he wanted. Even got keys made to my house (I changed the locks). I met someone else and as long as he thought that I was seeing someone he made it a mission to come check on the kids. Mind you he rarely saw the boys but the minute he found out that someone else was taking up where he left off, he had to come by for a Sunday visit. A few years back he tried to get into a physical confrontation with me. We scuffled but he never hit me. That was the last of his disrespectfullnes,intimidation, and trying to make me feel guilty. I called the police and got a restraing order. He doesn't come any farther than my front steps when he's dropping something off to the boys. I only call his home when my boys are there and I need to speak to one of them. It really bothers him when I ignore him. Most men can't stand to be ignored and I use this to my advantage everytime. Sorry about the length of this response.
2006-09-16 09:14:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move?? Hell no. Don't let him have power over you.
Sounds like your kids are growned up and can take care of themshelves. They can decide whether or not they want to see their dad. As for you...You are divorced and if you want or don't want to see him or put up with him, it's entirely your choice. I suggest that you stand your ground but just be careful how far you take it as you said he has shown violence so I suggest that maybe you have support from family or friends to be there if or when you do confront him on things you dislike.
I think his acting this way cause he knows he still can control you even though your divorced. Honestly, you allow him to ignore and insult you. Thats why he keeps doing it. Its not easy to confront a person like this. Thats why I recommend someone to be there (other then your kids) to support you when you make your stand.
If he starts getting violent then I think you should contact the police.
Hope it works for you.
btw... How can he come into your home? Does he have keys?
2006-09-16 09:22:48 · answer #3 · answered by Aquamarine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly why I am not keeping the house in my divorce. I am hav ing that thing sold and split. I am getting a house where he dont know where I am and Keeping it this way. You need to tell your kids that they are free to visit their dad and love him all they want to. Just not in your house. They are old enough to see him somewhere else and not at your home. Then change the locks, get a big dog and a revolver. It is a control issue, his way of telling you that he is the man. Enough already. Maybe you might consider selling your home and moving? I know we love our houses, I did too. But peace of mind is priceless and no one should be afraid in their own home. That would be like feeling raped each time you see him it is still a violation. If you change the locks he will only break them or find another way.
2006-09-16 09:09:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lynnette G 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if your kids still live with you, you need to talk to them first... It is their dad, and their visitations, so they should be a part of it... Tell them that it makes you uncomfortable to have him come over to the house for visits... you could get a restraining order, and have him see the kids either at his house, or other places... you shouldn't have to deal with him, and your kids should understand that. and definatly, LOCK the doors, and change the locks. He doesn't live with you, so he doesn't have the right to a key.
2006-09-16 09:25:11 · answer #5 · answered by Bribaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Use your head. Change the locks. Don't let him in your house. Your kids are not kids-they are young adults. Get a restraining order, only have supervised visits away from the house.
2006-09-16 09:00:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not have your door locked at all times then he could not just walk in.....if the locks are the same as before he left then CHANGE them today................
He sounds like a total control freak and a royal pain in the butt, as your kids are older then sit them down and explain how you feel about this [something like you wrote to the site] they are almost grown and will be able to understand how you feel.
If that does not work remember once the youngest is 18 he will have little to no excuse to just barge into your home.
2006-09-16 08:59:44 · answer #7 · answered by candy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but he is in total control of you. First of all, change the damn locks, if he comes in, tell him to get the hell out of your house!!! You have to take control of this situation. Yes, he's their father but not yours!! Get control, if your afraid, then get a restraining order on him and when he just walks in your house, call the police.
2006-09-16 09:01:00 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
callin the cops or goin to the court will jus create a fight between u guys.....i suggest u to tell ur kids about ur x's ill manners an show them that u r after all a woman and he is a man and u cant face him physically...since ur kids live wid u...u can easily get them to support u.....an the next time ur x ignores or abuses u...jus call ur army of 3( kids)....an u win...!!!!!!!
2006-09-16 09:45:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does he have keys to your house? Is your house door always open? Tell your kids not to open the door for him without your permission..
2006-09-16 22:57:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋