I love my fiance and I don't want to lose him. But recently, I've developed feelings for this guy I work with. He's really good looking and we have a lot of things in common. We went on a work night out last night and we got to know each other a lot better (he's new) and now I fancy him even more. To make things even worse, I think he likes me too (or maybe that's just some twisted wishful thinking)!
This really bothers me. I don't want to leave my fella. I just want to stop feeling this way so that a simple conversation with him doesn't give me goosebumps.
Help people! What to I do?
2006-09-16 06:56:50 · 25 answers · asked by StolenAnjel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Maybe I should used the phrase "How do I get past this" instead of "How do I fix this." I'm fully aware that this is just a crush. It reminds me of how I felt with other guys before meeting my fiance. The relationships with the other guys didn't work and I know that actually doing anything with my colleague will result in disaster. I've been with my fiance for 4 years and we had decided that we would only get married once we've lived together fo a bit first. I've lived with him for just over a year now so if that doesn't prove that I'm ready I don't know what will.
I know that if I can find a way to control my feelings for my colleague that they will eventually go away. I just need help on how to do that. Maybe I should have explained this before!:D
2006-09-17 03:47:29 · update #1
Couple of options:
Either you don't really want to be with your fiancee (which I don't think is the case), or you're perhaps nervous about such a big commitement as marriage? It's normal to start wondering about what else is out there at a time like this.
Why not think about all the good things about your fiancee, and all the reasons why being with him is better than starting a new relationship (i.e, love, stability vs uncertainity).
If you still can't stop thinking about this new guy, you could try focusing on his negative points. Even if it's only one silly thing, like he has a big nose or something, just focus on that whenever you tslk or think about him, and you'll go off him.
Good luck!
2006-09-16 07:05:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you said fiance', I will assume that you have two things from this guy already, 1. a ring, and 2. a date. If you don't have these items, then it's not a fiance'. Now supposing that it is a fiance', you may be having pre-marital jitters. That is normal. You will be a spinster if you cut off every engagement because someone new comes along and can get you turned on, or you find them attractive.
Let me move to myself for clarity. I'm happily married to the most wonderful woman in the world. Is she perfect? Perfect for me! She is the total package. Yes, I've run into a lot of fine women in and before my eight years of marriage. A lot had a lot going on. The problem was, they didn't have it all going on like my wife does. Yes, (i'm no fool) she has her quirks, but they compliment mine.
Someone suggested you grow up, and to a degree they are right. Love is about maturity as much as it is about feelings. You will not always feel in love, but that doesn't mean that you are not in love.
Unless something changed from why you responded yes to the proposal, I'd stick with the fiance'.
Shalom
2006-09-16 10:08:30 · answer #2 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Either stop your fantasy now and forget about it or tell your fiance you're not ready to get married yet. Your fiance is suppose to be the one and only for you. If not, don't waste his time by leading him on and getting married. It sounds like you're not ready, so it's better to hurt him a little now than a lot latter. Who knows he may be relieved.
2006-09-16 07:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by stephenl1950 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell your fiance that you are getting scared about the marriage and ask for a bit of time out to think and ensure it is right for you and ask for his love and patience - then think what you want from life and ensure that is what you want for the next 60 years you cant make a mistake here - if you are in love with your fiance you will prevent yourself from feeling so much for another and will be happy with him it is ok to fancy someone else but not to worry how they feel to in the way you do suggests you want to shop some more have balls walk away now if you feel this way but if it is nerves take tieme out
2006-09-16 10:57:54 · answer #4 · answered by ruddy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well hun, u live once...
1stly, its possible that u are nervous about this engagement and u'r trying to find a reason to get out of it... living ur whore-like alter-ego perhaps? (not to say u r a whore or anything, heck, that would be rich coming from me).
2ndly, y waste ur fiance's time by shopping and plotting (behind his back) for other guys? tell him about ur engagement-gitters and that u fancy some other guy and that u still love, u'l be surprised to find out that he also fancy's some other girl! its human nature to be constantly shopping for eye-candy- so don't feel slutty about eyeing this guy, as long as u do not play on it!!!
3dly, if all else fails, break it off with ur fiance! clearly u are not ready for this kind of commitment! find urself a cute lil' GBF (gay best friend)-u'l find that u hav a lot in common with'm- and have a ball!
2006-09-16 07:20:03 · answer #5 · answered by blink_2 1 · 0⤊ 4⤋
You should call off your engagement to your fella till you are 100% sure he is the one you want to be with the rest of your life. You go into a long term relationship/marriage with him having feeling for someone else you are just heading for a life of heartache and the relationship wont last.
2006-09-16 07:01:03 · answer #6 · answered by Big-Daddy 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's only a crush....you love your fiance but only lust after the other guy...those feelings will eventually go away
2006-09-16 08:21:54 · answer #7 · answered by x1sweety1x 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
be honist with your self don.'t make rash decisions and most of all don' jepordize your job and your self respect by having an office affair, they seldome work romanically and they often make it impossable to work together.Get your mind on your work ,
2006-09-16 07:06:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have your answer. Doesn't sound like your fiance is your soul mate. Make no more plans to marry this guy until you resolve your true fellings.
2006-09-16 07:02:50 · answer #9 · answered by new_kid82 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
u should put ur engagement on hold just now till u work out ur feelings for ur fiance. i would say try stay away from this other guy but if u loved ur fiance the way u should u wouldnt fancy anyone else
just my opinion. hope everything works out for u
good luck
2006-09-16 07:25:04 · answer #10 · answered by Barson 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋