confused
a friend so near seems so far
a friend so far seems so near
a heart tells the brain what to feel
but what if the mouth intercepts?
you say what you feel but he doesn't?
the heart brakes, leaving the brain to have no one to tell them what to feel.
so it's left
confused
and tell me how it is for a 13 yr old to write that thanx
2006-09-16 06:04:38 · 21 answers · asked by Sarah 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Wow, that was beautiful, I think u have talent u should become a writter, for a 13 yr old that is sooooooooooo good! Keep up the good work!!
2006-09-16 06:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by Renée 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You're off to a great start. Now touch it up a bit by adding some "food" for our senses -- images, sounds, textures, smells, tastes. This will make it more poetic and less like prose-pretending-to-be-poem. This is difficult even for the seasoned poet, but here's a hint: write what you FEEL, not what you THINK.
2006-09-16 06:09:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Any problems in friendship?
You know evone feels such feelings but there are some who know to express them without letting others know that it is actually a suffering or a true happiness that they are composing.
I am a poet myself.Started composing at the age of 12.
I think there is sth disturbing you.Might be I am wrong!
Anywys the poem is nice.
2006-09-16 06:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It pretty decent for a 13 year old. Still needs a little work. It sorta has a pattern but you have to hunt to find it. You may have potential I can't tell from just one piece of work. How long have you been writing? Good Luck!
2006-09-16 06:08:27 · answer #4 · answered by Charis 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It is pretty good for a 13yr old. If you keep up with writing poetry you will begin to understand more and become even better!
Keep up the good work!
2006-09-16 08:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it- but brakes is spelled breaks. Great job, especially for a 13 year old.
2006-09-16 06:08:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It takes more than just words. I'm 13 also, and I know this. You have to add a bit of yourself to it, make it more refined. This seems... just not so original. Sorry!
2006-09-16 06:16:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...for a 13 year old,i think it's a good start but u still need to enhance ur talent.emotion is really dripping off but try to be more touching.
2006-09-16 06:35:33 · answer #8 · answered by chubby me! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's Ok,Breaks instead of Brakes! Keep writing!!
2006-09-16 06:14:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honest feedback, the poetic vibe isn't really there. However, I guess it is good for a 13 year old.
2006-09-16 06:08:09 · answer #10 · answered by Dink 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋