What do you think of my poem?

Question

My future as an angel's black,
In this world of hate and greed,
My life is causing pain for others,
Watching this great world bleed.

Evil is round the corner,
A fact we can't deny,
I'll save you all by killing you,
I know we're born to die.

Each friend has left me in this world,
In this world I don't belong.
Each time love draws away from me,
My hate grows fast and strong.

There's no God to protect you here,
He killed himself with fright,
I am the messenger from hell,
I'm satan's boy alright.

Answer 1

i LOVE it! i like the line "I know we were born to die"

i'm a christian girl, but that doesn't matter. that is some GREAT poetry.

oh...and God didn't kill himself. he never died. JESUS died. but its alright...that gets the point

Answer 2

As far as the poem goes, it has a good structure but doesn't quite flow. The timing is off. Doesn't have the same "beat" throughout.
As far as the ability to convey a message. This is good. I think it has a message the reader can follow. It doesn't jump here and there or drop the idea.
As far as the content, It seems you have a dark side to you. When reading this I have to ask myself what is the author like? What are they feeling? What is their personality? It seems to me you feel as if the world has dealt you a crumby hand. You've been dealt a pair of 2's while the world holds the elusive Royal Flush.
Remember, just when you think it is at its worst, it can always get even more. Meaning look to the bright side of life and realize what life has offered you. Even if it is not "socially acceptable" there is always a bright side to every dark corner.
When you look into that dark corner and find that hidden light, you just might see me there, looking, searching for that light within. :)

Answer 3

Wow - that's quite a eulogy oh, sorry, you said poem. it's dark, bent & without hope. If I were you, I wouldn't kid around about "being satan's boy.." unless you are & if you don't have Jesus in your life, then, well....i guess it's an ugly truth. Go take a walk & look up at the beautiful blue sky, maybe go to the beach & listen to the waves or sit by a fountain as the water crashes down into more water, there are amazing uplifting sights in this world - get focused on something else besides the evil or it will eat you up. Don't let that happen.

Answer 4

Boy, it sounds like you have a lot of terrible & troubling issues in your life! Instead of wanting to be Santin's Child, you should be praying and asking God to help you get yourself out of this Horrible Rut that you are keeping your self into! You should know that you are and you should also want to be God's Child!!!!! It is very dangerous to be playing with Fire!!!!!!
Good Luck
&
God Bless You!!!!!!!!
Here is another poem that I had written, I hope that you read this and begin to realize that God Is Our Savior!!!!!!

Potter&Clay!!!!
God Is Our Potter,And We Are His Clay!
He Gives Us A Test Each Day,That Will Impure
Our Love,Strength, & Power, For Him,
That Will Always Guide Us His Way!

Each Test Can Be Infurating,
And May Keep Us Filled With
Antaganising Pain!

But As Long As We Always & Truly Believe!
Keep Our True Love, Faith, & Trust In God,
All Of The Agonies, & Struggles In Life,
Will Soon Deminish & Go Astray!!!!!!
AMEN!!!!

Answer 5

To me it sounds like you have issues, calling yourself satans boy? I'll save you all by killing you, that doesn't come from a sane mind.Not even in poetry.Seek help before you do kill someone and end up spending the rest of your life in prison.
But yes it does sound like you have a knack for poetry, but not the type i like to read.

Answer 6

I thought the part about "each time love draws.....fast and strong " was powerful, but the rest has too much pain for me.

Answer 7

Sounds like a good Poem from a Dead Man Fred! Hope you get where you want to go!

Answer 8

Sounds like your'e angry with a female you are in love with... but, she doesn't respond back to you. Maybe, she just feels the same way and doesn't know how to tell you.

Answer 9

wow that was amazing i love to write poems too here's mine

confused
a friend so near seems so far
a friend so far seems so near
a heart tells the brain what to feel
but what if the mouth intercepts?
you say what you feel but he doesn't?
the heart brakes, leaving the brain to have no one to tell them what to feel.
so it's left
confused

comment me !!!! on my site but i would love to talk

Answer 10

Well thought out, but an awful lot of pain. I hope you begin to heal soon.