I just moved and being a shy person and not out of school yet, I feared I wouldn't get any friends. The one friend that I do make seems fine on the first day, but then I find out they're the school bully! I don't have any other friends and if I ditch her, I'll be a loner AGAIN, but if I stay with her, everyone will think I'm a bully too and I'm the exact opposite!, what do I do!?
2006-09-16 05:19:25 · 15 answers · asked by mysteriousmystery 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Stop hanging out with the bully. You will never make new friends if you do.
You are going to have to learn how to talk to new people. People usually do not talk to shy people because they think that the fact that you are too quiet means you are stuck-up.
If you are afraid of rejection, then tell yourself that the opinion of just one person does not matter. Other people cannot tell you who you are. If you talk to one person and she is mean to you, then just forget about it (if she is rude to you, she is probably rude to everyone, so don't take it personally). and go talk to someone else. There are lots of nice people out there if you take the time to find them.
2006-09-16 05:27:22 · answer #1 · answered by Randy G 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Choose your friends wisely! If you stay with her & stand by & watch someone get bullied by her, & do nothing or say nothing, then it won't just be a case of people thinking that you're a bully. You WILL BE A BULLY!
If you ditch her you will only be a loner for a short while.
On the other hand, you could look into the reason's why your friend is bullying in the 1st place. Maybe you could influence her into changing her ways.
2006-09-16 12:32:54 · answer #2 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, the bully intentionally be-friended you when she recognized you were shy and reserved- bullies want people they can control. It is not your fault she is a bully and not your job to fix her. So do not feel bad for her- she does not and will not respect your feelings. Don't hate her, simply see the truth.
You already recognize that she is treating you badly- so choose for your best interest to walk away from that situation. It will be easier to deal with the fear of making new friends than the longer term effects of a person like that in your life.
If this is the first time you have moved and had to change schools it is normal to feel lonely and afraid (and angry, and sad, and lots of other feelings). It is also a great opportunity to practice new skills such as making new friends, accepting change, facing fear. You will learn alot about yourself and build a stronger sense of self-esteem and inner strength. These qualities will take you a long way, both now and in your future.
Be strong dear and things will look brighter before you know it.
Find optimism and happiness by trusting that it will work out and you will attract happy, friendly people at school. If you allow yourself to focus on the fear and frustration of it all, you will attract people who relate to those qualities; like bullies, who are also afraid of being alone- have low self-esteem- and are frustrated because of it.
Please take this advice from someone who changed schools NINE times before I graduated. I was usually very sad we moved, I missed my friends and I was quiet (or even cried) at new schools, and rarely smiled. At first people did think I was a snob, I often heard later that they thought, I thought I was better than them and I always looked mad- how funny, I was exactly opposite, I had very low self-esteem and was sad not mad.
Just like there are the bullies at school, there are also the very outgoing (harmless, class-clown types) that talk to everyone and like to meet new people, talk back to them, and smile at people. Very soon you will be embraced by those who recognize your shyness as such, and not as snobishness.
Best of luck and REMEMBER to SMILE!!
2006-09-16 13:15:19 · answer #3 · answered by Lovesworth 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than anyhting else, u should stand up for yourself and ur own identity. Having a friend is not as important as being able to respect yourself. Take my advice - don't hanker after friends and sacrifice your own identity or try to pretend to be someone you are not. You'll get enough friends later who are just the way you want them to be. Besides I think there's no use in being afraid of not having a friend -it'll make you more independent. Don't always hide behind a 'friend' to get you through life.
So ya - leave her ASAP ( but try to avoid a confrontation since she's a bully:-) )
2006-09-16 12:31:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be friends with bullies unless you want to find their weak spot I know this girl at school she keeps bugging me then I found out her real first name and she hates it so when she is bugging me I just slapped her hand and called her Abrella(her real name)
I suggest you find some people and talk with them for a while and make friends with everyone...thats what I did but I never moved...the whole Kindergarden I was a bully...in first grade I hardly got into troble....Second was same...Third Grade was the worst year of my life...forth ok I guess....then fifth same...Now Im really popular Im not a skateborder or anything I just have a friend in every group.Thats my life,you need to have fun.
Oh and if you need a friend I'm on messanger :)
2006-09-16 12:44:08 · answer #5 · answered by Kell 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bullies are'nt born,they're made. I bet a lot of bullies got their reputation by standing up to another bully and were hero-worshipped by so many kids that they had to continue being tough in order to keep friends. If the girl is ok with you,maybe she wants to make a new start.You have to give her the benefit of the doubt.
2006-09-16 12:27:52 · answer #6 · answered by Taylor29 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to be considered a bully. You need her friendship this bad. Then stay friends with her. You can't change someone who takes pleasure in hurting and frightening others.
Or...
Find some other people to hang with. It may be hard to do but sometimes we have to suck it up and do it.
2006-09-16 12:22:51 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay from around her, it may take time, but you will find friends, join some clubs, at school, concentrate on doing well in school, just keep yourself busy, or get a new hobby.
2006-09-16 12:24:54 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a friend thats the school bully but i didnt leave him because he was the school bully hes my friend so we're always gonna be friend the stuff he do to other is his business
2006-09-16 12:24:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Slowely shy away from her. Your reputation is alot more important than you think. Just strike up conversation with the more quite people in class. You will find some cool, true, new friends.
2006-09-16 12:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋