My fiance and I are getting married next month. He is a huge gambler. He bets almost every game of football, and goes to the OTB (Off Track Betting) to gamble on horse racing. He will watch countless hours of football from preseason all the way to the superbowl, betting every chance he gets. The only catch is, he makes a ton of money at his job and always has enough money to pay the bills and not go into debt. I'm not a gambler though, and I find it difficult to watch the betting consume so much of his time and money. I think it's getting excessive. I've tried to talk to him about it and he gets really defensive and argues that I shouldn't get on his case because all the bills are paid and he just gambles for fun. I just don't know if we should get married since we have an extremely different opinion about this issue, and it's starting to somewhat drive a wedge between us. I need to hear someone else's perspective on this please.
2006-09-16 04:50:39 · 21 answers · asked by Luckyprincess 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't marry the guy. Starting a marriage when you have valid conserns aboit gambling would be futile. Unless, you don't mind heartache and divorce. This issue MUST be resolved before you marry.
2006-09-16 05:19:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the future life you will have with him when you are married and if you have children what happens when he bets it all and loses it? The money, the job, the house?
You have a great opportunity now, in the present, to find a real man. Cut ties and find someone else. Also, use your common sense for the next person. No more bad habits of any kind. Money isn't everything.
If he gets defensive about you communicating your conserns with him, then gambeling is not fun for him, it is a bad habit and he has some issues he needs a counselor to help him with.
He is not ready for marriage and family.
Don't get married. Please don't ruin your life and any future children you may have. You can walk away. I don't care if everything has been planned and set up for the wedding.
GET OUT NOW. It will be okay. Remember, This is your life.
2006-09-16 12:35:41 · answer #2 · answered by Martin M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How much money does his lose at this gambling thing? From your description, he is hooked on gambling and I certainly wouldn't be getting married until the issue is resolved. Realistically, couldn't the money be put to better use, i.e. the future. He, "...makes a ton of money", and has enough to pay the bills is hardly justification for excessive gambling. How do you know he's paying all the bills? He tells you? If its not excessive, why is he so defensive and argues about it - somethings not right here. Give this very serious thought before walking down the aisle. Good luck.
2006-09-16 12:03:45 · answer #3 · answered by jack w 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you are right in thinking twice about getting married to this man. Although you may love him, you have to realize that if you marry him, you cannot expect him to change. If he is not willing to change now and it is something that bothers you to the point of getting advice on Yahoo Answers, you should maybe postpone the wedding and tell him why. Life is funny and you never know when the time will come when things are tight and he will have to just pay the bills and put gambling aside, he may have a very hard time with this.
Also, even if he stops the gambling, sounds like you may end up being a sports widow. Is this what you want for your future? You need to seriously have a talk with this man and voice your fears. If he doesn't take you seriously then you need to make a serious choice. What makes you think he'll take you seriously later.
2006-09-16 11:56:34 · answer #4 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I married a gambler at one time. It started out the same way you described. Maybe $10 each football game. We went to Vegas to get married. On the morning after the weddng night at Caesars Palace, he got up at 8am got dressed, and said I'm going to the casino see ya later.
I knew I had made a serious mistake! The gambling worsened he would win some lose some. Got gambling software.. He would go on trips by himslf to Vegas sit in the sports book, and use the computer to bet on live horseraces. Also played the craps table, and would lose a lot. I saw people empty their bank accounts at the ATM to try to win $ back. I went to place a $2 bet on a horse race. I front of me was a guy who placed a $100,000 cash bet, and slid the money to the window clerk. I got sick when I saw that.
I did go on some of the trips even at Christmas. All his time was consumed by gambling. One day he told me he welched on a $10k bet, and was threatened by a bookie.
The guy called the house, and he went downstairs to take the call. He came back upstairs, and looked sick. I knew who that was. I went downstairs dialed star 69 and got the guys #. I called him back, and told him never to call my house again or I would call police. He quit calling. I called gamblers anonymus. They told me if he was mostly winning what was my problem.
I searched for answers, but the situation only worsened. I waited until he went on the next trip to Vegas. I then rented an apartment and moved out while he was gone.
I left behind a waterfront home, and boat as well as my cats.
I felt better after I got away, as he was also abusive.
The divorce was very nasty. That was 10 years ago.
Do yourself a favor. Get out now, it will only get worse. It is a sickness.
2006-09-16 12:41:46 · answer #5 · answered by Credit Expert 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's put it this way. There is always two sides of the coin.
Yes, he may be earning big bucks to maintain his bills diligently. I am assuming you checked his bills and did a check with the credit bereau on his credit standing and all is well.
On the other hand, yes he may be earning big bucks now. What if his gambling goes out of hand? To the extent of becoming a chronic gambler who does not know when to stop even though he may not realise it would one day land himself into great debt? And if he is great debt, just bear in mind, you ( being the legal wife) will be responsible for his liabilites and will end up miserable because of arguments over the financial matters.
Nevertheless, it is ultimately up to you. If his gambling habits fits your life, go on and marry him. If it doesnt, then dont.
2006-09-16 12:32:24 · answer #6 · answered by DiL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry - but I have seen gambling like this destroy many relationships. Yes - he is winning now and has plenty of money, but it only takes one run of really bad luck to lose everything you have worked for. If a person is single and wants to take this risk with their finances then that is their business. Now that he is getting married and refuses to see that he is jeopardizing your financial security also - that is a real red flag that he is financially irresponsible.
I have nothing against gambling - but is it something my husband and I do together. We only go 2 or 3 times a year and take a set amount of money that we are willing and able to lose. We have fun together and see this as entertainment. It sounds like your fiancee tends more toward an addiction. If he is unwilling to get help or change his habits, I would postpone the wedding indefinitely.
2006-09-16 12:21:54 · answer #7 · answered by arkiemom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you feel his gambling is driving a wedge between you and your intended why are you considering marriage? Excessive gambling is a sickness like drug abuse or alcoholism. Life is too short to be married to someone who won't identify their problems, or do anything about them. I would certainly sit down with him and give him an ultimatum ... either the gambling goes or you do. What's it going to be like after your married? Do you think he'll change? Do you self a giant favor don't marry this guy until he gets help. Good luck to you!
2006-09-16 12:00:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not marry this man!!! The gambling is a sickness and will get worse! At some point he will be in trouble and you will be asked to help pay off thousands of dollars of gambling debt. Run away as fast as you can!!!
2006-09-16 11:59:15 · answer #9 · answered by 55 and trying 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he has Michael Jordan type money, I think your concern is valid. Compulsive gambling can be just as destructive as alcoholism or drug addiction. And what if his finances took a turn for the worse? One component of marriage is compromise. If your fiance really loves you, he would seek counseling for his betting if it bothers you that much.
2006-09-16 11:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by jimel71898 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋