after our sex lives going down hill,after me trying everything to kickstart it,after having bedroom full of candles expsensive jewelery she turned our night into cheese eating night,after telling me of her ex bf who cheated on her with everyone she come back running to him everytime because kinky sex was good,after her telling me of a 4 some she had on holiday with her mate before i met her,after finding out her best mate she slept with her brother he also dumped her.I fell for her ead over heals I love her so much but i cant cope anymore im at point of suicide because shes sold her house to pay for wedding,she used the rest to do my place up,the marriage is in 4 mths,i got no where to go,what do i do??????????????????????????????
2006-09-16 02:52:12 · 23 answers · asked by jonas 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So she did it before you got together!! So what!
Unless you are interested in getting her involved in more of the same!
2006-09-16 02:56:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds immature.
Although people do crazy things in their past so you can't hold it against them, but how long ago was her sexual past?
She also sounds immature for selling one of the essential things you need in life, shelter, which I might add is such a great investment, to pay for a wedding. Who does that? How did you let her do that. You guys could of had a home to live in and if you already had one you could have held on the other as a rental property, not only is it down the drain anyway because a wedding is a one day event and there nothing to show for it when it is done but it was more of a waste if you cancel the wedding it will definitely be down the drain.
You always have somewhere to go. List the pros and cons, literally write them down. Do this alone and it may help you decide. For example:
Pros:
-I will be marrying the love of my life and that will make me happy
-We both want to have children (assuming you both want that)
Cons:
-She makes poor financial decisions
-your sex life is unsatisfactory
-She has sexual past that you can't accept
-She has cheated in previous relationships
-She is an impulsive decision maker, financially and socially leading to poor decisions
Worst case scenario you come clean and explain your concerns and would like to get to know her more before going through with the wedding, postpone it, what could it hurt.
2006-09-16 04:09:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well obviously you cant marry her feeling like this. It is gonna suck really bad for a while, while you try to get pieces of you life back together and alot of yelling and tears. On the other side it would be worse to marry her and be stuck in a unhappy legal marrage. If you don't want to leave her (if you feel that in your heart) then try some couples counseling together. otherwise once you choice to leave stay firm and it will only last a while and you'll be released and next year this time you will be in a whole different situation and this one will be history. So good luck on your decision!!
I hope it isn't all over the sex though.
2006-09-16 02:59:07 · answer #3 · answered by Sandra 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in the first place.. before u got engage.. u already know what her past like.. yep it sucks because it dosnt sound normal but u accepted her. if she did this to u when u wer together then.. leave her.. everone needs a second chance.. u also said that she sold her house for ur wedding.. then she probably must really love u too because she wants a good wedding for both of u. talk to her why ur sex life is like that.. be open to her.. calm down and dont commit sucide.. its not the answer..
2006-09-16 02:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by addiee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps your sex lives are going downhill because of the stress of the upcoming wedding? And re: her past, no point in thinking about it - it's the past and both of you are beginning a new stage in your life. If you cannot at all forgive her for her past, then yes, leave her. It will continue to haunt you and any single thing that crops up you'll just refer to her past. Which will make you both extremely unhappy. Let her know as soon as possible if you make this decision as it will give her the chance to recover and possibly even get refunds. Good luck.
2006-09-16 02:57:52 · answer #5 · answered by cleverbeaver789 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love her work it out. If you want out, get out now. There's going to be no easy way. The situation is already set but you can make any decision you want. Only you know the consequences so I will just say...you need to do what's best for you! Don't start a marrige that you are going to want to end the whole time.
2006-09-16 02:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by lynn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WHATEVER U DO DO NOT LEAVE HER STANDING AT THE ALTER !!!!! LOL But 4real if thats what u want to do is leave her then u need to start NOW and tell her how u feel and more and every thing that u just told us in ur question ... Tell her whatever comes from ur heart ok? WIsh u and Her Good Luck
2006-09-16 03:00:41 · answer #7 · answered by catherineboo68 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you would like to postpone the wedding, give yourself more time to play with, then tell her you need space to think as everything is happening too fast, marriage is a big commitment.
2006-09-16 06:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont feel guilty, if any woman told me that kinda stuff i wouldve dumped her already.
You feel obligated to stay because she sold her house - dont let that affect your decisions, she CHOSE to do this of her own free will.
Dump her now, dont let her spend any money on your place and dont let her spend any money on the wedding, let her keep whats hers.
But yes, youve gotta dump her, make a clean break no messing around or talking round, get out now.
2006-09-16 03:12:42 · answer #9 · answered by vaivagabundo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sort yourself out for a start if these things happened in the past move on with her or if not without her
2006-09-20 02:09:37 · answer #10 · answered by scott j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋