My husband drinks and is abbusive, I have no family in this state. He has me in so much debt that I cannot afford to leave my house. He thinks that if after a few days everythings ok, he hasn't hit me, but the drinking and yelling are getting bad.
2006-09-16 00:22:56 · 14 answers · asked by tdybear 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in the same boat and I just left. I am in a safe house. I have two kids and I have left 4 times now. It is easy for others to tell you leave but it is not easy to do. When you love a man unconditionaly and he is uncapable of loving you back you must leave. But it will not be easy. You desperately need counseling. You children are witnessing this abuse and maybe even experiancing it themselves when you are not looking. My 17 year old is amess from his verbal abuse. The hardest part for me was realizing what it did to her. Your husband will never quit drinking until he has an event traumatic enough to change his perspective. If he is a narcisistic person he just does not have the ability to love you and the sooner you realize this the better off you will be. My husband actually even raped me when I got so fed up with his screaming and verbal abuse that I told him I wanted a divorce. He waited for me to go to sleep and woke me up just to do this. He was trying to show me my place. It was a red flag for me,. If he can do this to me he can do it to my kids. I left immediately. It took a week to get a protective order. No bruses and spoucal rape is against the law and hard to prove. I have been out a week now and I have new cell phones, a good lawyer and I go to look at a new home today. But it is still hard. I still am greiving for the marriage I wanted and reconciling myself to what I actually had. I hate being in a safe house. I miss my house but he will not go and even if I took it and had a protective order he would never leave me alone. We decided not to go back. My kids prefer the safe house and living our of bags to being with him,. He dont understand what he did and he never will. nor will yours. You want to believe in him so badly. You will wonder why this is happening to you, you will have days where you blame yourself. But one day you will wake up and it will not hurt as much. You go back to school, there are many grants to help you. I cant get financial help because I am a teacher; I make enough money not to qualify and I paid all the house bills earlier in the month so Ileft with nothing. His having me spend my mony washis way of controlling me. He thought that if I had no money I could not go anywhere. He thought I was too stupid to go. I was for many years. DOnt back down. Your life depends onit and so do your kids lives. If you do not have any credit you have to go to your family. They will help you. They are probably waiting for you right now hoping and praying you will make this decision, I call my dad everyday and he helps me stay strong. I too am alone in this state. Good luck. Ill be thinkingof you. I understand and I know what you are going through, It is not easy to stop loving him but you must fill yourself with anger and let it fuel your decision to go,. Stay angry until you are out of his grasp and safe. Then let it go. Get help iommediately, today! When you go, take all of your important documents, your pets and your kids. Pack enough clothes for a weelk and get anything you can not replace out first. Then dissapear. Leave your cell ohone with him so you are not tempted to take his calls and dont look back until you are safe with your family. They will walk you through the rest. He will not ever accept this because he does not believe he has done anything wrong. Get that through your head and dont let go. Stop wasting time asking why he does it , the fact that he does it is enough.
2006-09-16 01:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by Lynnette G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teddy bear, Do yourself a favour. Firstly you have to decide if splitting up is really what you want to do. If your answer is yes you dot not have to read further. If your answer is no or you are unsure read further. If your husband stops all the things that he is doing to hurt you would you want to stay with him. If yes then the two of you must sit down and have an indepth discussion about this. The two of you will have to go for councelling. There is no way that you are going to get through this by yourselves. Unfortunately people are sometimes too quick to split up and get divorced without any attempt to sort their differences out.
I sincerely hope that this helps. This is all the advice I can offer with the info that you supplied.
Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-16 08:09:22 · answer #2 · answered by robsnor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody should accept that hitting, or other physical abuse is part of their marriage. NEVER. To hell with IF he accepts it's over. The police WILL act if you seek their help. File a restraining order. And file for divorce. Check in your area phone book for shelters etc. There are people and organizations that WILL help you. Don't wait, do it NOW. TODAY. THIS MORNING. Pick up the darn phone. Don't wait, NOW!!!!!
2006-09-16 07:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wud say you are going thru a very sad situation. its not eay to just pack and leave cos of the 6 years but you need to stop and ask yourself what you want.. to stay or leave and try to make something out of your life.. yes you have debts but they can be paid off.. as for the abuse i would say that no one has the right to make someone they say they love feel small and unloved iregardless of there situation (drunk or sober). speak to him about all the things that bother you about him and tell him that if he does not change you will leave.. and when he does come home drunk again pack your bags and leave...
there is also solution number 2.. you could surrender all to GOD and tell him to deal with your situation.
2006-09-16 08:07:16 · answer #4 · answered by tamrastic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you need to focus on yourself (AA has spouse support groups). Secondly, explore the option of leaving (maybe for a short time) and be with family and start thinking about what to do next. Best wishes but you need to focus on yourself and also protecting yourself.
2006-09-16 07:46:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to leave. Staying over financial issues is NOT ok. He is abusive, and will kill you or hurt you if you stay long enough.
Leave. File divorce papers. Immediately.
2006-09-16 07:58:03 · answer #6 · answered by AnswerMom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does not sound like the fighting is one sided
Maybe you need to first see if you can end the drinking and repair the marriage
2006-09-16 07:33:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anarchy99 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave the state you are in and go to family....
2006-09-16 07:37:58 · answer #8 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is a solution to every problem...breaking relation for such a small thing which can be sorted out is not wise, try to make him understand, show him that he is really important in your life and you cannot live without him and dont give him time to get involved in drinking...keep him busy with yourself...have long chats and discussions. this was how i resolved my problem.
2006-09-16 07:30:18 · answer #9 · answered by dsjfehiw 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It is not your responsibility to "get him to accept this".
If you really want him to leave, get a restraining order, declare personal bankruptcy and get the hell away from him...
2006-09-16 07:26:27 · answer #10 · answered by Angela 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋