she has 2 kids with this guy and I know that he hits her because my grandchildren tell me I live 6 hours away from her she tells me to but out that she knows what she is doing she is 30 yrs old and this crazy guy is 46 years old old enough to be her Father how can I make her see that he is going to hurt her badly one of these days I fear for her she lives by her self with the kids and he has his own place but I just wish she would kick him to the crub
2006-09-16 00:17:02 · 20 answers · asked by Libra 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Unfortunately you can't "make" her leave him. She has to want it. If after 6 years of this she still sees nothing wrong with being with him, then it's going to be difficult for her to understand where you're coming from.
The only thing you can do is continue to talk to her and mention your worries. Ask her about the kids and how they keep telling you what they are seeing.. and how that's NOT good for children to witness that. Ask her to get professional help. Has he gotten help? Tell her you'll help her if she ever does decide to leave him, ex. she can stay with you.. etc.
2006-09-16 00:22:46 · answer #1 · answered by Mommy2Liam 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this isn't the answer you're looking for at all, but there isn't too much you can do. NOTHING can stand between a woman and her man, no matter how crappy he is. She will have to wait until she is ready to leave him. I'm sorry. The best you can do is offer her and the kids a place to come and get away from him a little while and visit you. Another important thing you can do is to just be there when she needs to talk to someone. don't bring up her relationship unless she does, and don't mention anything about it in conversations unless she has told you herself. Women will take a lot from a man until they're ready to move on.
2006-09-16 00:26:32 · answer #2 · answered by t.larae 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be someplace where she can get mad, yell, do whatever she needs to without a lot of other people to infringe upon the space you will need for that. Then stay focused, tell the truth and tell her as many times as she needs to hear it that it is NOT OK to be hit by someone who loves her...therefore the hitter does NOT love the hittee.
Stay on target, don't wander and everything she says that is not compliance to that truth is an excuse she is making to protect the hitter and the hitter does not deserve that protection from his victim.
The hitter belongs in a jail.
Then, stick to those very guns and NEVER sway from the truth. Tell it every time you see her and do it with a direct kindness. The hitter has to be telling her lots of lies-you have to be telling her lots of truth until she sees it.
I take that crap VERY serious. You should to.
There, that about does it.
2006-09-16 00:27:07 · answer #3 · answered by itwisme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your daughter was small, and watching you in whichever relationship she was in, did she ever see you be hurt and then stay anyway? Did she learn that when you have kids you stay no matter what? Did you model for her that it is unacceptible for her to styay? We learn how to be in relationships by watching our parents and taking their cues. I learned that being a good wife meant putting up with a man no matter what and you always keep trying. I was told what happens in this house stays in this house. As a result I ended up in a horrible marriage. When my mom "butted in" I did not respect her oppinion and felt she did not know because she stayed. I felt that is would be worse on my kids to uproot them. Now I have left and it is touch and go. My mom is full of I told you so's, so I avoid her. I am suffering from the decisions I made but I learned to make them because of the values I grew up with. It is not wrong to tell your kids, "I might have been wrong" even after they are grown. This will give your daughter permission to listen to you. Then stop telling her what to do because she is obviously mad at you for some reason and this anger is getting in her way. Help her stop being angry with you by having a real conversation with her. Talk about it from the perspective of, When I was in this situation I did, XYZ. I wonder how you fealt about that? And then let her talk to you. As you communicate she will come to understand that you dont want her to make same mistakes and she will understand how her decisions affect her kids without you telling her. Trust me, if she can come to this conclusion on her own it will have a bigger impact. It is hard to leave a man. We all look in fromthe outside and it seems so obvious, but when you are in the trap the door is npt so clearly marked. Good luck
2006-09-16 00:38:22 · answer #4 · answered by Lynnette G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you want to, you probably can't. Love is blind. You can try to talk to her about what you know, but in the end she has to see it for herself. Abusive relationships are addictive. She probably feels stuck after six years and two kids. Perhaps, instead of telling her he isn't for her you should suggest counseling. Either she will come to see what you see or he will change or she will decide it is worth it. However, if you suspect that the children are being abused you should report it. Hope things work out alright!
2006-09-16 00:24:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortuneatly, thre's nothing you can say or do. Im sure she's aware he's an asshole but he's probably manipulative. She might even be putting up with it becasue he gives her money or helps out with bills.
Hopefully another guy comes along and sweeps her off her feet.
Im sorry to hear about it.
One more thing, she may have low self esteem and feel if she lost him she;d be alone and never find anyone else.
2006-09-16 00:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by triciasdish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you've told her already.
She's 30 years old for GOD SAKES! She's already had 2 children with this guy. He's already physically abused her, at a minimum. What makes YOU THINK, that she's going to STOP MAKING BAD CHOICES...just because you say so.
Grandma... your TIME of parenting is DONE.
Point out obvious things that bother you and MOVE ON.
She's 30, not 13.
2006-09-16 00:22:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The more you say to her about how you disaprove of this man, the more she will probably cling to him. You have to let her come to her own conclusions. If he hits the kids, then you can butt in.
Don't take this the wrong way, but some punctuation in your paragraph would be really nice.
2006-09-16 00:22:02 · answer #8 · answered by kindofkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot but in you daughter business because it will drive wedge in your relationship with her. If this guy keeps hurting her and having bad impact on the kids take the kids away from your daughter.
2006-09-16 00:52:38 · answer #9 · answered by Disha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's entitled to make her own mistakes. Keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself, the more you bash him the more she will defend him. Just be there for her. All you can do is hope that one day she wises up as to what this guy is all about.
2006-09-16 00:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋