My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years. He has always said that he wants kids someday, I told him in the beginning that I never want kids and if he couldn't deal with that then leave. Well he didn't leave and never talked about kids again until this week. Now he keeps making hints about kids. Medically I can't have kids, I hurt my self very bad when I was a child. He brought up having my sister or his sister carry a baby for me. I told him no. I told him if he wants kids so bad why did he stay with me for 10 years. He said because he wanted to change my mind. I don't intend to change my mind. Now what do I do? I do love him but if he is going to pressure me with this should I leave? He even jokes about going to find a female that he can have a kid with just to have one. Does this mean that he could or has cheated? I told him that if he wnated anothing female to leave but he said he didn't want anyone else?
2006-09-15 23:53:26 · 12 answers · asked by kittykat78 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Also we have had a religious wedding just not a legal wedding. So we are religiously bound even though the courts do not count it as a legal marriage.
2006-09-16 01:37:51 · update #1
The reason that we are not legally married is because of the area we live in it is very hard to find someone of our religion that can legally marry is. I am not having a Christian wedding.
2006-09-16 02:28:06 · update #2
Leave him hun, Obviously, he wants something you don't. Stand your ground, remember, you always come first.
2006-09-15 23:56:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand why you wouldn't allow someone else to carry ya'lls child. I met my hubby almost 3 years ago ... I told him that I had a hystorectomy and I couldn't have anymore kids. He was and still is fine with that but I am not.... I have an ovary left and I have been praying for a blessing to happen that A: I get pregnant and carry the baby or B: someone carries it for us. My hubby said that he wouldn't mind us having a child of our own but he isn't gonna dwell on it...But I do! I want so much to allow him to experience the little coos and laughs and Joys that a baby can bring... You both have made it 10 years and he apparently doesn't want anyone else but you ... what is wrong with giving in a bit and at least look into the cost and stuff of a sister carrying that baby for ya'll and what all is involved...He may see that it cost to much and may back off or you may see that it really isn't all that hard to give tha man you love so dearly a piece of him that will carry on after he is gone. Well I hope you two can come to an aggreement on this because I feel that there is no reason for either of you to leave the other over this... Just think of his feelings. and the major thing is to talk to one another about it and not object to the other till you research the idea further... God has put you two together for a reason..Maybe ask him to marry you first then you will discuss a child.. If he is willing shouldn't you be? Just my 5 cents worth LOL
2006-09-16 00:54:17 · answer #2 · answered by Gloria E 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This answer has several parts. First. You told him years ago- No kids. So, you established that as part of your relationship. It's OK for him to try to talk you into some method of having kids, but he needs to realize that HE is trying to change the conditions that you two agreed upon as part of being together As for what you should do- Nothing. Leave? No, unless he really gets obsessed about kids. Will he cheat? Sorry, he CAN'T. You two, while together, ARE single. A single person can't cheat, because ONLY married people have made the commitment to remain faithful to one person. Playing house together ISN'T marriage. Only marriage is marriage. Real life isn't like high school, where when the girl wears his class ring or varsity jacket- it IS a committed relationship. For adults, only marriage is a committed relationship.
2006-09-16 01:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he had made a mistake, and is just now realizing it. Having children isn't an issue to be hoping to "change" someone's mind on. I think you need to have a frank discussion with him, and tell him that you two would have to go your own separate ways if having children is something he wants badly. It's not fair to either one of you to continue this relationship if there's going to be such resentment and tension between you about this matter.
2006-09-16 01:52:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
After Ten years of being together surely you both should have discussed the situ`,there are many ways to have children I think it`s time both of you saw a counsellor & don`t hold back discuss all.
2006-09-16 00:12:02 · answer #5 · answered by edison 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
u say over and over that he should leave. why? if u really do not want to have kids then you should do the leaving. find someone else who really does want what you want. bless you and good luck.
2006-09-16 00:21:35 · answer #6 · answered by nana 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you two have had this conversation and both want different things, why are you still together?
2006-09-16 00:23:29 · answer #7 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that you aren't commited to anything. Kids, marriage, etc. Maybe your BOYFRIEND should dump you so he can find a woman that will give him his kids and be legally committed to all of them. You're just plain selfish. Grow up and stop play house kid.
2006-09-16 01:49:01 · answer #8 · answered by sweet 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Adoption.
2006-09-16 03:43:50 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
a boyfriends that don understand ur feelings it a @#$@!# sh1t.
smack him and leave
2006-09-15 23:57:03 · answer #10 · answered by Mao 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋