right ok last night i spent 3 hours in casualty. x-ray 2 cracked ribs. which can't be fixed. all because my woman took what the victorians called the vapours. ash tray to the mid rift. i've took the punches the kicks scratches and the name calling but how can i hide this from my mother. i'm telling the police. whats worse is i come from a loving family and have never seen a man hit a woman or vice versa and i'm getting the bajesus beat out of me and can't hit back because of my upbringing. its up to the police now to help me. am i at fault? am i the blame do i deserve this?
2006-09-15 22:47:38 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is domestic violence and it's illegal. Do a police interview, get her name on file, and get someplace else to stay. Now.
All the other issues (hiding it from family, why it's happening, who's at fault, blah-de-blah) can wait to be dealt with once you're completely away from her. Forget them for right now.
This person suffers from deep-seated psychosis which you cannot solve. In fact, your presence is only making her worse because you are the means by which she can act out her psychosis. She probably screams about how much she loves/needs you, right? Well that's only because without you she doesn't have a victim, and she needs a victim like a junkie needs a fix. If you threaten to leave her, she screams about how she's going to harm herself, right? Well that's because (a) it's a lot easier for her to keep using you as a punchbag then to bother to find someone else who'll let her do it to them instead, and (b) she will say anything -- absolutely anything -- in order to keep her victim close to her.
Don't be fooled into thinking this is an "Anger Management" issue. It's not. She isn't angry. If she were angry, she'd have punched and kicked anyone who miffed her -- her mother, her manager, the guy ahead of her in the supermarket queue. But she only beats you, right?
The physical abuse is actually all about control of another individual (you), in ways that one human being should not be allowed to control another human being.
So don't be stupid. Get out now or else it will be a kitchen knife rather than an ashtray.
2006-09-16 05:49:45 · answer #1 · answered by Summer 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why are you hiding this from your mom? She is probably the best support you have right now. You might be hiding it because if you want to go back to the woman mom wont know? IF so, why would you go back? Just curious? No one deserves to be hit, screamed at, or disrespected ever for any reason. She is obviously out of control. Was she always like this? Did you have any warnings>? If so, what in itin you that was attracted to her in the first place. Maybe on a deeper leve; you think you deserve it? Yo do not.YOu need counseling ASAP. If there is physical abuse then there is also mental abuse. You need to find out how you got into this to begin with. Why you allowed yourself to stay in it and how to avoid it in the future. If you family is loving then lean on them now. They will help you find your way and resolve your issues that let you ever stay in this situation to begin with. good luck to you.
2006-09-16 00:26:29 · answer #2 · answered by Lynnette G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try wearing a jumper when you go to your mums and buy some makeup.
I'm glad you come from a loving family, although it sounds like they didn't love you enough to teach you self defence or realise that women and men have been brought up equally in the latter stages of the last century and the 'laddette' culture is lame.
No one deserves to be physically abused but mental abuse can be just as bad and your injuries will heal over time, if you didn't refer to her as 'my woman' do you think things could improve?
If not get out of the relationship as if you can't hit back the abuse against you will be worse next time.
2006-09-15 23:04:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an abusive relationship. Not just physically, but mentally. Your family will be really upset that you are going through this alone. Tell her you are not putting up with her behaviour, and walk out the door. Enlist the help of someone in getting your belongings out.
We are all up in arms when it's the other way round, but when it happens to a man he feels embarrassed and ashamed to admit such a thing.
Phone the National Domestic Violence Hotline 0808 200 247, they will assure you that it is not your fault, and will be able to advise you, as you are not the only man to go through this.
Best of luck to you, you do not deserve this. x
2006-09-15 23:33:46 · answer #4 · answered by Thia 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you've shown great restraint. I DESPISE men who hit women but despite people thinking otherwise, it is true some women beat up on men too and they are just as bad IMHO.
So are you at fault? NO!
Are you to blame? NO!
Do you deserve it? Hell NO!!
Sorry you were pushed to calling the police. Shame you two couldn't have worked things out sooner or she couldn't have gone to anger management but she left you with no choice. She made her own bed and now she has to lie in it!!
Good luck and take care ok? Wish you well and hope you feel better soon.
2006-09-15 22:50:46 · answer #5 · answered by mancunian_nick 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
hey look, you probably don't deserve that kind of treatment...no one does and i only used the word probably as i dont know the ins and outs of your relationship and for all i know you could beat her too...but if you say that you did nothing then NO you dont deserve this any more than a woman deserves to get beaten by her boyfriend/husband...abuse is abuse whoever you are and part of that abuse pattern is to make you feel that you do deserve it and that you are worthless... i have lived through an abusive violent father, a psychotically violent stepfather an on /off abusive ex husband and mental cruelty with another...all are out of my life and i dont miss those things one bit. In these kind of relationships you gradually lose a piece of yourself a week at a time until youre a shadow of your former self and it takes sooooo long to build up your confidence again...dont let her destroy you... even if she has a drink/drug problem...my sister had one and destroyed everyone around her for a long time despite all our support in the end it was only for the fact that i phoned my estranged father and told him about it and asked him to help(even though i despise him) as he could help her by giving her a roof over her head and some financial help with getting treatment but it took a long time...my sister my best friend now and we are very close but it took me distancing myself from her before she considered taking any help. I had to be hard and ask for help from someone i dont like(my stepdad).
I suppose my point is that you shouldnt be taking this treatment...report her and leave her...offer her your support if she wants to get some help ...all the time you stay she will promise to try to get help but probably wont because youre there as her very supporting punchbag...the old saying is sometimes true...you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink...she will have to want to get help herself before its gonna work for her...i wish you all the luck and if you want to chat bout it or need any help please feel free to mail me...and see if you can get some victim support yourself...good luck x
2006-09-15 23:06:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has mental and emotional problems! You've got to see that, right?
Does she have a drug problem? I've seen women do that, hit their men. I've never been one to hit anyone, but I've been on the other end of it like you. Drugs were the problem. Although, take an asshole off drugs and you still have an asshole!
Don't stick around for it! If you know enough to be ashamed of it and hide it from your family, then you know it's wrong! Do something about it!
2006-09-15 22:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by Candy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO!!! no-one deserves this... its nasty and your 'woman' is the one that needs help! you sound like a decend guy...and domestic violence in any form, whether it be man hitting woman or whatever, is never acceptable. you have no reason to hide this from your mother, leaving a relationship like this is hard, you'll need support and i'll bet there are plenty of people waiting to help.
so get on with your life, n find someone worth to time. (that doesnt have a psycho streak! )
good luck fella!
2006-09-16 02:26:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you are a fauly, or to blame, or deserve this so dont for one second believe it. You've shown great restraint in not hitting her back (if anyone hit me i would hit them right back and probably harder!) and i commend you for that.
Your wife/gf obviously needs help so calling the police was a good thing to do because they will be able to make sure she gets it.
I wish you nothing but good luck and happiness in the future because you do deserve that!
2006-09-15 23:02:39 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i cant understand why any one would hit any one any way its wrong have they not been brought up with respect this women sounds violent why would you want to let your self go through that stand up to her and say i will not take this any longer, you are a human being and have feelings and there are better people out there willing to love you and not hurt you and respect you and this one sounds as if she couldn't care about any of those is she really worth the hurt and pain you are in i hope you have the power to say no more its the end and good luck take care my friend
2006-09-15 22:55:11 · answer #10 · answered by private 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋