is it pity or love?

Question

i work as an intern and i met this guy who is quadriplegia or disabled... i was assigned to him and i took care of him for almost a month... as days goes by we became so close and so attached to each other then lately i found him so demanding he knows that i'm still studying and can't go to him everyday as he wanted i only go to him every sunday to visit.. last time i went there he told me that i may not see him anymore as if he was saying goodbye to me... i don't know what should i feel about it... if i will be sad or what but i can't do anything bcz i still want to finish my school, he told me that i have no time for him anymore and he told me that maybe i have a new man in my life that's why i have no time for him, i feel so bad bcz i never thought he will told me that kind of words as if he don't trusted me.... is pity or love that i feel ?

Answer 1

sometimes you have to decide weather it's school you want, or something else, I know school will be the better option, but that takes resposibilities too, if he wants you to give up something important to you, just to prove you're serious about him, dump him, he just wants to control you, and you'll end up resenting him in the long run

Answer 2

I know were your coming from, what the problem is that you have given him all your attention an he hasn't had anybody to do that for him an he also feels like he will never find a woman that will love him because he is quadriplegia. If he has true feelings for you then he will under stand that you have to finish school. Don't let him put a guilt trip on you, he will

Answer 3

Maybe a little of both, also as a person that is disabled, most of his freinds have moved on in life, if he requires lots of assitance with ADL's as a quadriplegic ( a person who's all four limbs are paralized, and may even require assistance with breathing?) so often dose. Socialization with peers his age is most likly non-exsistant. You must understand that a patient with a new disability may not have worked though, and may never, the mental adjustments, or realize thier limitations. If this is not a new situation they may have learned coping methods of a munipulative nature towards peers,family and even care-providers, by playing the sympathy card. This is sad yes, and as care providers our hearts go out to them, but we must always remember our purpose!
I am assuming that you are a Medical internist of some type? You are also not clear on what you mean by close and attached? It appears that he may have gotten the impression that you where dating, or had become boyfriend and girlfriend?
You will have many patients in your career some will fall in love with you, or at least think they are, and you MUST make it very clear to them that your relationship is patient/client - careprovider!! As also you can become attacked, and if this is one of your first assignments it may seem like you have love feelings. The fact is you do care, or you would have chosen another career.
Three things for YOU that are vitally important! Number one: learn the differance between sympathy and empathy!
Number Two: No-matter the age of a patient, the appearance of a patient, the behavior of a patient, the charm of a patient, the diagnosis of a patient, ALWAYS treat them as a patient, not a friend, not a romantic interest, and NEVER display any type of sexual inuendos even in joking! To do otherwise is unethical, and you risk being accused of sexual misconduct! In a care provider postion this violates the patients rights act, and you could face both cival and criminal charges.
Number Three: as a professional care provider you need to learn, or practice better communication skills not only in the clinical setting, but also in your writing skills. Improving or practising these skills is vital to the profession you have chosen. For if you keep becoming overly attacked to your patients, attention to proper documentation will be benificial in a court of law.

Always be aware of the mental status of Pateints, ill or disabled patients are not thinking clearly. Change in mental status do to illness or disablity is present in all Patients, from mild anxiety due to the hospital setting itself to clinical depression due to chonic illness or loss of independance, and becoming attached to a careprovider is easily done. They see you as caring, nurturing, attentive,compassionate, and all those things you must be! But also understand that you are the professional, and patients see you in a differnt capacity now, think of how you viewed a Doctor or a Nurse when you were a child or prior to you having any medical training?
You need to communicate your postion to your patient, if you have given your patient any hopes that the two of you are romanticaly envolved, you must stop it, explain yourself to him in a firm and compassionate mannor. If you have completed your clinical, or he has been discharged unless you are still required to monitor, or take part in his care you should not have any further contact with this person except in a clinical setting! Referal's to support groups or organizations are inorder!
I also suggest you discuss this with your attending, professor, or student guidance advisor.

Answer 4

Sorry..trust and patience seem to go hand in hand.Somebody is not sharing the two responsibilites,together.Love is somewhat of a partnership,well marriage is.Think about this long and hard,and you will find the answer.

Sometimes i wish women had the upper hand when it comes to asking your hand in marriage,because women never get to experience how a man really feels ..until they manipulate your feelings,and your doubts pop up..and you don't even know their intentions...just do your thing for awhile..unless his intentions are written all over his face!

Answer 5

it is really difficult to answer ur question...i think u should give pritority to what is more important in life and only u can decide that but when u take a decision be firm on it try to see him as a normal person and ask ur heart whether do u like spending time with this person

Answer 6

Maybe a little of both; but remember this you did'nt put him there. It also sounds like you feel guilty about something. If he is not concerned about your studies; he's more than likely not concerned about you. Maybe his condition makes him feel bad. He shows anger. It rubbed off you. Number one complete your studies.