should I stay?

Question

I have been married a little over a year. Things moved REALLY fast between us. Started dating on July 4th, engaged august 4th and married on sept 4th. He is a really nice guy and he would do anything to make me happy... but I'm not happy. We have a covented marriage. My first instinct is to run and get away from it, and just let the wounds heal. but I am terrifed of breaking his heart. but I now that me staying is only pushing us further apart....hurting him more. I dont know how to bring myself to tel him that I dont want to be with him anymore and I dont love him in the same way he loves me. Should I stay with him and sacrifice my own happines for his? or should I leave and completly crush one of the few decent guys left? please help

Answer 1

My gosh! should I say I can relate?...nah, somehow I feel the same...my hubby is good...he loves me more than I do but then somewhere in the relationship I am no longer happy. I can't break our marriage that easy...lotz to consider...maybe i just feel it right now...but then..it's been a long time I feel sorry for myself. I don't know...I'm still confused.

Anyway, to answer your question...you better give yourself time to think alone...see the big picture of your relationship. Ask yourself what happiness you are looking for?...you think you will still find someone like him that will love you that much?...pray...and ask God's guidance.
:D

Answer 2

You need to ask yourself how did you really feel when you first got married. Why did you get married so fast?? You should have waited to see how you two interacted. Now you don't know weather it was a fling or real love. Are you the type of person who only wants what you can't have and as soon as you get it you are no longer interested. Think of past relationships, is there a pattern. It sounds like you were into the novelty of marriage and now reality hits you can't handle it. I would really think about these things and pray about it. Go talk to a therapist. The decision is yours. If you are truly unhappy I would leave the marriage. Physical attributes are important. And personality is very important too. Don;t base your decision on other people opinions. For example if a family member doesn't approve of him that doesn't make him a bad husband. You really have to sit down and make a list of what you like about him and what you don't like. This should help you realize what you are feeling.

Answer 3

You made your bed and now should sleep in it pretty much.

You knew that July 4 to August 4th to September 4th was too soon. Can't love nor know a person enough to be ready for marriage.

This question is more of a break up boyfriend gf stage, not marriage.

If not happy and don't want to be with him, seek annulement and think long and hard about what getting married is about. Either way he will be hurt in the long run, better to annul than to wait over a year of not loving him and staying with someone you have no desire.

Answer 4

There is no way you are going to be happy. The longer you stay the more hurt you are going to cause.

Sadly you have to move on and hope he will get over it. No-one should sacrifice their own happiness for anything and everyone is entitled to a happy life.

You may sound like you are callous and cold but you are staying there because you care about what you are doing to him. That in itself shows you are a decent person.

What is not happening in your relationship is that there is no "chemistry" and you may never get that.

You could try counseling which may help you to see exactly what is lacking in your marriage and then help you to make the decision that is right for you. After all, as cold as it may seem, it is your happiness that is most important to YOU.

Hopefully he'll get over it eventually.

Answer 5

I think that if you really had no love for him you wouldn't care if you crushed him, you wouldn't care if he loved you, and you wouldn't call him 'one of the few decent guys left'.

Perhaps you are missing other things that you can't do because you're married. Perhaps you just don't feel 'right'. Perhaps because the love isn't as intense you think it isn't love.

You made a decision before hastily, so you can now say you know from experience that Big Decisions Deserve Time.

Don't make a big decision to end a marriage swiftly. Try out other options first. And give your husband a chance to try and work it out with you. He deserves to at least know there's a problem, so he can do his part to fix it.

Answer 6

YOU ARE HURTING HIM AND YOURSELF EVEN MORE IF YOU STAY BECAUSE YOU ARE UNHAPPY AND THEN HE WILL BECOME UNHAPPY. THE TWO OF YOU BOTH DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND IF FINDING HAPPINESS MEANS BEING APART FROM EACH OTHER AND WITH SOMEONE ELSE THEN THAT IS WHAT HE HAS TO FACE. YES IT WILL HURT HIM BUT HE WILL GET THROUGH THIS BUT DONT PUNISH HIM AS WELL AS YOURSELF BY STAYING. JUST HELP HIM THROUGH THIS BECAUSE FROM WHAT YOU ARE TELLING ME THIS WILL BE A VERY DIFFCULT TIME FOR HIM LET HIOM KNOW THAT HE HAS A FRIEND IN YOU HE WILL APPRECIATE YOU FORVTHAT. I HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST FOR THE BOTH OF YOU.

Answer 7

Honey u should sit down alone and list a set of points that first drew u to him in the first place, ask yrslef wht makes him special that the others .Of course no one has the right to take away our unhappiness, but does he treat u badly or wht is it that he does to make u unhappy, dont look to flaws, but look to the good side of a person and work on that. good luck

Answer 8

Well, I dunno about you but when two people get married it should stick no matter what. You made vows to god, that you will stand by him for better of for worse. What is he doing to make you unhappy? You must of loved him at one point. Go to a counsolor and find out how to fix this. If you do decided to leave, I wouldnt marry another than if i were you. But these vows that you made should stick by them, and find out what it is that made you want to get out and fix them by either asking god for help or by going to a couple therapist and see how that works, trust me its something you should try. Look at everything good about this guy, cause you must know that no matter what relationship your in at one point in time you will have problems, you gotta find a way to fix them then to run from them. Or your going to be alone the rest of your life. A marrage takes work, a relationship takes work, so find ways to fix this if i were you. Please try to, and let god help you. Turst me he has done so many amazing miracles that this is just one that might come true.....

Answer 9

okay it seems you have thought long and hard about this so the next step if to express your feelings to him... that is one important thing about a marriage is communication and you shouldn't stay with someone because you feel obligated... but one word of advice ..... they don't make men like they use to so actually think about that.... because you may be passing something up that may never happen again..... trust me i have seen it happen too many times to my friends and now they have companions but nothing serious and they are getting older.. so think about it and talk things over with your spouse... you never know ... it may help... good luck

Answer 10

How long have you felt this way? If your positive that you don't love him do you both a favor and get out now! But, remember you probably can't take it back after you do it! Good luck!