Help! I cant let go.?

Question

My husband left 2 weeks ago. Finally, tomorrow is the day he will come to remove his personal belongings. It was a verbally abusive relationship. his life is a turmoil, and he refuses to see it. like there is a demon in him who has completely swallowed this man i love so much. he struggles with control, he refuses to trust. he wants it his way or the highway. i gave him all i had to give, and am having to leave this marriage, but knowing i did everything i could. i cant let go. i need to stop loving him, and i cant. he is moving on, after much unhappiness with me, its almost obvious to say he didnt love me, but in between the bad times, the good times show he did. what do i do? i cant let go! he has stomped my heart, and i still want to be his wife.

Answer 1

I am reminded of the old adage… Absence makes the heart grow fonder !!!

Perhaps him spending time away from you may help him to realise just how much he truly does love you. He may come to realise how important you are in his life, and how losing you was such a dumb thing to do.

I appreciate that you love him very much, and how you don’t want to lose him.
What you need to do however, is look at how the relationship has affected you personally.
It couldn’t have been easy for you to be the target of repeated abuse, and the lack of trust that he had in you.
With you no longer being with him, he will have to accept the blame for his own mistakes, because he will no longer have anyone else to blame or abuse.

It is quite possible that your husband may need help…
Perhaps there may be some ‘mental disorder’ like schizophrenia or such that causes him to be the way he is. That is perhaps something he will need to come to terms with himself, and until he seeks treatment, he is unlikely to change, and you perhaps will be much better off without him.

I hope that things do eventually work out for you to get back together with your husband, and for the relationship to be everything you wish it to be. I don’t know what the relationship was like when you first met each other, but perhaps some time apart, may offer you both the opportunity to start over again, and to work together toward a brighter future together.

If it doesn’t turn out that way, then try to remember that you deserve to be in a relationship that does not include you being the target of abuse.

I wish you well !!!

Answer 2

Five things i'd advise you on....

First, 2 weeks is nothing. Give yourself time to heal. Having been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship I have to say it took me almost two years to completely move on.

Second, find someone that you can talk to. An abusive relationship can put a real toll on your self esteem, especially in regards to relationships.

Third, take up a new hobby. Something that you've wanted to do but have put off for one reason or another. This will give you something to do that is free of the memories you have shared with him.

Forth, call up some friends. Go out for a girls night out. Let your hair down and have some fun. It's a great stress reliever and reminds you of some of the happiness that comes outside your marriage.

Fifth, don't put yourself down if you have a bad day. It's allowed. You're allowed to wish things are different. But don't blame yourself. Pick yourself up and say that tomorrow will be better. Soon the good days will far out way the bad. And all of them will be free of abuse.

One last thing - "IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT"

Answer 3

This is so normal for abused women. For some reason they just keep going back for more. You can love the person and hate their actions. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to let go. My mom was in a verbally, mentally, and physically abusive relationship. It was hell for her. She stayed married to my dad for 24 years and it took him leaving her for another woman for her to move on. They have been divorced for 11 years now. She is remarried now. But it is a loveless marriage for convience only. They sleep in seperate rooms and have been together for 8 years. Why?? Because she is safe. My dad used to tell her how much he loved her and then would beat her. You don't want to end up like this. Trust me, when things were good they were really good, but when they were bad they were awful. I can remember him putting a gun to her head when I was 8-9 years old. She still has nightmares. Please don't do this to yourself. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise, it will get easier everyday to let go. Surround yourself with good people who care about you. Somewhere out there is a man that will love you and treat you the way a woman should be treated. They are not all jerks.

Answer 4

Been there done that honey. Was together with my man for 10 years. Once I kicked his sorry *** out I took a loot back and realized I didn't love him. It was more a comfort thing. 1. He was all I had known (we got together at the age of 12) 2. I knew him and how he was and didnt have anything else to compare him too 3. had my kid to think about. But it was number 3 that woke me up. You need to let him out of your life. almost 10 yrs later I am marrying the man of my dreams in 6 weeks. You will find someone I promise that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Seek counseling because it really does help. You will need to get your self esttem and confidence back. Once you do the world is yours for the taking and you can accomplish anything!!!! This I promise you. After being in a 10 yr abusive relationship if I can do it so can you. PM me if you wanna talk ok.

Answer 5

Honey your stronger than this, you have had the courage to so give yr all to this marriage, you know u have, dont u think u need to be with someone who reciprocates all that? u need to be happy u need to feel loved its not one sided all the time, let him go whn u love some one let them go if they come back to you their yrs if they dont they never was, patience is a virtue, go on let him go, do the things u have missed out on, discover yrslef in this time, and you will realise wht u ahev missed you and wht you really miss and so will he.

Answer 6

Why would you still want to be his wife if it was an unhealthy relationship? Time to be self-reliant even if it hurts. Try talking with someone you trust. A friend, co-worker, clergyperson....someone.

Answer 7

been there and done that. once you are on your own and establish your own life you;ll realize that you weren't really happy. you may always love him, but you will be happy again some day. and there is definitely someone out there who will love you again, the way you deserve. the quicker you move on, the better off you will be.

Answer 8

TELL HIM EXACTLY THAT TOMORROW! IF HE SAYS, NO! LET HIM GO BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO FOR THE PEOPLE THAT YOU LOVE! TELL HIM THAT TOO! TELL HIM THAT YOU'LL ALLWAYS BE HERE FOR HIM TOO! TELL HIM THAT YOU ALLREADY FORGIVE HIM FOR LEAVING YOU! LET HIM KNOW THAT IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO CHANGE HIS MIND AND YOU LOVE HIM AND YOU ARE VERY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING AND HOPE THAT ONE DAY HE COULD FORGIVE YOU! EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIS OPPINION AND LET HIM KNOW THAT HE MATTERED AND HIS WORDS DID TOO! AND IT GAVE YOU A SECOND PERSPECTIVE ON LIFE! IF HE AGREES, JUST TELL HIM TO THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE ONCE HE GETS OVER HIS ANGER, REGRET WILL START TO DWELL UP IN HIS HEART AND CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY BECAUSE THEY WILL START JABBING INTO HIS HEART AND HE WILL START THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD YOU SAID! HE'LL COME BACK TO YOU!

Answer 9

You need serious counseling. It was an unhealthy relationship and you are lucky it ended.