i have been married from 10 years. there are only little disputes in the house but last month there is a serious quarral between them. My father also scolded my wife. But I have no fight with any body. the situation is very depressed. we are living on same floor. Now in the same kitchen both are preparing seperately. To whom side i will take. I am unable to understand. When i talk and sit with my wife then my parents becomes angry and stop talking with me. and when i talk with them my wife become angry. What i will do. I got highly depressed. This is the first time i trapped in a family situation like this. Now i did not like to go home, I go home late and got out early. How can i solve the problem.
2006-09-15 17:21:06 · 25 answers · asked by ROBIN 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Going by your way of wording, it seems you might have a difficult culture. However, I recommend you and your wife have your own home. That solve a lot of the tension.
As far as taken sides, your wife is your priority now when you married her. You "left the nest" when you came of age to get married.
However, they are being in the wrong for putting you in the middle when you have a right to talk to your family.
You need to tell them this is between them and they need to be grown ups and solve it. Not involving others in it.
You need to support your wife, but supporting doesn't mean you taken her side. Just means you are willing to help if help is needed.
This seems like a situation your wife and t hey need to solve. I recommend everyone talking about it and isntead of saying "who did or said what". Focus on more of "what will we do about it. What can be done about it now".
2006-09-15 17:28:12 · answer #1 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is what senior living communities are for. And your wife seems to have forgotten that YOU - not her mother - come first. Time to have that talk. Your MIL has been in your home SIX MONTHS beyond the originally agreed upon time and I'll be neither she OR your wife ever said, "Let's talk about an extension." Plus, you're taking her to work and your wife is picking her up, you have to buy extra food so that she can eat as well, and you've made sacrifices for her. Your wife is going to have to get some backbone and tell Mommy that's her welcome was worn out a long time ago. And your MIL is going to have to stop being a mooch and move on. I'm all for helping the parents out, but if she's working, she's not incapacitated and can live on her own. She just doesn't want to. Tell MIL goodbye.
2016-03-17 21:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a wife and don't take sides and tell them that you will not be part of this situation you love all of them and stay out of it and I agree get your own place this will help soooooo much. Because when you live together a little fight over a piece of dirt on the floor can erupt into a huge fight just because tension is so high (my mother in law lives with my husband and I and our children ~ you or wife is used to it one way and parents are used to it another )GET OUT
2006-09-15 17:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by impala1972 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bible says a man will leave his father and mother and stick to his wife. Gen. 2:24
Not good to all live under the same roof but that has got to happen from time to time. Appears the two of them are unsure of where you stand in loyalty. The sooner you make it clear the sooner there is a chance for peace.
Your wife needs to see you stick to her and your Mom needs to understand you are sticking to your wife. Not recommending taking sides in an issue here. This is about loyalty. Honor your mother with the realization that you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with your wife. That she is very important to you and you don't want her to feel threatened. Then let your wife know that you are sticking to her and not taking sides. That this is your mother and your wife has taken the #1 position in your life. That it might be hard for your mom to accept that. Could she understand and make that easier.
Hang in there because everyone deals with this if they have a living mother. Be thankful you do.
Oh yeah if she's Italian forget anything I said there is no cure.
Just kidding. oye vey
2006-09-15 17:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by icyuryy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Robin, listen to me. Both your parents and your wife are making a mistake. Once (but only once) talk to both of them and make them understand how they are tearing apart. If they can't stop this fight because of you, then this tells you clearly how much they care about you.
As for the solution, you should definitely take your wife's side. Just like how people above me said, it is her right. You shouldn't completely abandon your parents but make it clear to them. Tell them what your priorities are. When you married your wife, you decided to spend the rest of your life with her. You decided to stand by her in good times and bad times. This is a bad time and you cannot abandon her now.
You are not a little child now. You grew up. You got married and decided to have your own life and your own family. Your wife is your first priority. I don't know if you can move out or not but if you can, that is the correct and FAIR solution.
But if your wife asks you to buy her a seperate hose, you will HAVE to move out because that is her right.
2006-09-15 17:48:24 · answer #5 · answered by The Prince 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Friend, I am married 16 years back and i had gone through exactly the same situation. I hated to go home. My daughter was also getting the depression and would keep asking when we will releive from this pain. I rise early and want to leave before anything goes wrong. Finally I split from my parents with my wife and children.Its four years. For about two years my parent were not in touch with me. But staying away I used to care for them. Now one by one everyone has started to come to my house because they have started realising the good done by me and my wife for the family. They want us to be in their functions. My wife is happy, my children are happy. More than that i am able to concentrate in the business better than before and making good decisions giving prosperity. I am also a stern believer in combine family but when there is no peace no logic in taking about it. Your wife is the only person to care for you. Your parents require caring. When the balance tilts towards parents your future will be condemned and if you tilt towards your wife and children you future will be bright. There will be a lot of people saying you left your parents at this age but do not care. Many mouths and many statements. Take a firm decision and live seperatly. If you watch movies in hindi then see Sansar. If you follow tamil then watch Samsaram oru minsarum
2006-09-15 18:21:41 · answer #6 · answered by lkslalit 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very common problem in Indian households - the Saas Bahu Syndrome has got you. First find out who is responsible. It is likely that both sides will have a few arguments. Judge unbiasedly. And boldly make the culprit(s) know. Whoever started it, should apologise. Thereafter try to bring about a reasonable settlement. If it fails, shift out with your wife, but continue to support your parents financially or otherwise, if they need it. You can't just escape out of this.
2006-09-15 21:46:00 · answer #7 · answered by Modest 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't take either side. When they try to suck you in you have to tell them that you need to let them resolve their differences, and that you are you're wifes husband and push comes to shove you will stand by her in the end. You will need to repeat that over and over like a broken record until it finally sinks in that you mean it. You will be better off in the long run.
Try not to avoid them or it will make it worse, especially for your wife. If you can move then move so you have the space your marraige needs even if you didn't have this problem. Try talking to someone, a therapist or councellor is best because they are unbiased.
I wish you the best!!
2006-09-15 17:47:02 · answer #8 · answered by Laura R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi dear!
u should try to make your wife understand the some situation from which u r going and then talk 2 your parents about the same separately. just tel them that you will leave home if you people will not stop all that.
BUT DON'T DO IT plz. it was just an emotion blackmailing.
try to make both the parties feel that they r important 4 u in life. make them happy.
2006-09-15 23:30:09 · answer #9 · answered by priya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi, robin see mayb things solve on their own, or if u can convince 1 of them on the phone to forgive the other or to say sorry. i bet dude things will get better on their own and ur parents have no rite tellin u don talk to ur wife cumon dude u've got her away from her family take her side. i knw parents are hard to comprehend with but they shud understand dude don show a very bad face 2 ur parents also or u'll be involved also and thats goin 2 b more depressing. here if it does not solve email me zehan2002in@hotmail.com
2006-09-15 17:33:30 · answer #10 · answered by zedon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋