Why are people who drink alcohol smarter than people who don’t?

Question

A recent study confirms earlier research suggesting that people who have up to 30 drinks per week are smarter, better educated, and earn more money than teetotalers. Specifically, men who drink earn 19% more than men who don’t, and for women, bar-babes earn 23% more than their sober sisters. Additionally, if you go to a bar at least once a month you get a bonus, literally. People who guzzle wine are the big winners, coming in with a salary around $60,000.

I think this disparity is caused by one specific segment of the non-drinking population that is so stupid they can drag down the average of 10-times their number: Right-wing Fundamentalist Christians (RFC). At least when a drunk wakes up the morning that’s as stupid and as bad as he is going to feel all day. When an RFC wakes up, that’s as not-stupid and the best he is going to feel all day.

Are there any other sub-groups that can match RFCs dead-brain-cell for dead-brain-cell and similarly skew the results?

Okay, okay – The study making the news as filler these days is about salaries. They reference the cognition-based stuff.

Some of you have hit on alternative explanations voiced the study’s critics. Pretty f’in smart, eh?

Nellie – “… they drink because they are smarter.” Quit reading my mind.

“By the way, do you believe that if you can't dazzle us with brilliance you can baffle us with Bull Sh*t? because you're doing a very good job at that.”

My friends just say I’m cynical. I think they agree with you.

Hey Maryland Terps Rock –
Can’t match your psychic skills, but my science is solid. Population statistics don’t apply to individuals and individual outliers don’t change the population distribution.
Also – I’ve been to College Park and can’t you guys think of something better than “Fear the Turtle”. I mean, come on, is that supposed to scare Florida State?

Ninecoronas2000 –

I’ve always gone with the tree-pruning analogy. Cutting off the dead stuff makes the plant healthier.

But then, I also think that every second you add to your life exercising is a second of your life you wasted exercising.

Vladiator-

That’s why serious drinking should be left to professionals. Results may be less than pleasant for amateurs.

Deborah b –

That’s the reason it’s interesting and funny: the idea that people who drink are more efficient and productive workers (hence, their higher salaries) than people who do not drink.

It’s a slap in the face to self-absorbed post-modern neo-fascist social philosophers and judgmental holier-than-thou bible thumpers everywhere.


Lighten up. How can you not think that's funny?


And, don’t even think about lecturing me on the associated risks of alcohol addiction and abuse. Last year, my best friend died from alcohol related liver failure.

For any of you reading back through this, thanks. It seems the question attracted a smarter group of folks than maybe I anticipated. Sorry if I wasted your time. Maybe I’ll ponder a question of a slightly different nature.

Cheers,
Gary

Answer 1

Bravo on the RFC bashing... I love it!! I cannot stand those puritan pukes... they really piss me off...

Answer 2

I haven't read this study but the fact that they make more money does not mean they are smarter, however even if the they are smarter and that is the reason they are making more money, they are probably drinking due to the stress of making all this money, so they are not smarter because the drink, they drink because they are smarter. The sad thing is, that they will not be smart for long, because the alcohol is killing their brain cells so don't be looking for an excuse to indulge.

Excessive use of alcohol does not do anything good for a person's life. Excessive use of alcohol will ruin your life. Beside's killing brain cells, it will damage your liver. You won't be able to get through the day without a drink and it will soon refelct in your work. It will affect your relationships with your co workers, family and friends.

Unh unh buddy, drinkers are not smarter than non drinkers, people will always find an areguement to justify their behaviour, I think you are on the road to needing help. Hope you get some before it is too late.

By the way, do you believe that if you can't dazzle us with brilliance you can baffle us with Bull Sh*t? because you're doing a very good job at that.

Answer 3

Just how drunk are you? The alcohol is a depressant. Not only that, but it chokes the pathways of neurons that slow your reactions down. It also makes you very confident, hence making you do things you would never do sober(well... unless ur stupid enough to do them). It damages your liver, makes you wake up in your own puke. Gets you a hangover in the morning, and pissed pants. Beer and hard liquors don't even have pleasant taste, it has to be aquired. It's also addictive. There's laws against buying alcohol until a certian age, and laws against doing mechanical things while drunk.

If any of the above noted affects of alcohol sound like fun or smart to you, then my friend, you are a dumb***. As for the narrowminded thinking on your part, i would have to say not only are you a dumb***, but also ignorant. But then again, If you're ignorant long enough you do become a dumb*** anyways.
Have fun waking up tomorrow

Answer 4

Cliff Claven's Buffalo Theory will explain it the best:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain
can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Answer 5

Is it possible that the people who make more money, have it to spend on something as indulgent as alcohol? Perhaps the higher income came first and because of it, the people are able to drink.

Your comment about the wine, in particular, makes me say this. Wine can be a very expensive hobby, don't you think?

Peace!

Answer 6

Multiple reasons. There was also a study that showed that wine drinkers differ from Beer or hard liquor drinkers. Wine is not a depressant, it actually does the opposite effect. That should explain the success story of wine there. : )

Hope this helps

Answer 7

Someone who accepts as valid the one study in a million that agrees with their point of view as opposed to all the rest that contradict their point of view are deluded fools.

Answer 8

you must of gotten that research from a bunch of drunks. lets see, sober ppl dont get DUI"s, ppl that drink do. sober ppl dont show up late for work cuz they drank the night before, ppl that drink do. sober ppl dont smell like spoiled beer, ppl that drink do. sober ppl dont forget what they did the night before, drunk ppl do. sober ppl dont come on here and gloat about the fact that they are proud of drinking, but drunk ppl do.

Answer 9

I've noticed that I'm a genius after I've downed a few.

Answer 10

well im gonna earn millions of dollers not 60,000 and i will be sober so there is ur proof that ur wrong with ur scientist