My husband says he is cheating but I know he is lying.?

Question

The thing is, I would not care one bit if he was cheating, in fact it would be a relief! I really just feel nothing for him anymore, because he is unsupportive, unloving and no help with anything. I know he is just saying he is cheating to hurt me. I really think we should just divorce, but since we have a child (4 yr. old) everyone tells me the right thing to do is stay. What can I do? I really just want to be happy, and I want my son to be happy, most importantly.

Answer 1

I am so sorry that you are so miserable, and I am afraid that divorce maybe your only solution. How can your son truly be happy, when Mom and Dad aren't. I don't think children living in a battlefield of hate or indifference is a good example to set. Your son, maybe more happy and healthy away from the stress. Your husband maybe testing you to see what kind of a reaction he can get from you. He's proably hoping that you will fight for him. When you showed no interest, he may really go find someone. Since, he's not supportive and loving, I think it's time for you to move on. Your son if given the love that children crave and need will be fine. Better maybe even. My parents stayed together because of me and my brother, and I think I wouldn't be such a nervous wreck now, if they would have spilt. Other people are going to say that the divorce ruined them, but I think they may have other issues too. I would have loved to grow up in a house full of love and caring, and if that meant Mom and Dad weren't together, I would have loved to see my Mother smile, and I believe she would have been full of smiles if she was out from underneath my Father's thumb. Daddy was a control freak, and very demanding, and I watch my Mom jump.

Sweetie, what I am trying to say, is this...Are you sure your son wouldn't be better off with you and him together in a home shared without the bickering, arguing, and unloving relationship. You certainly don't deserve to be unhappy. You need a man that can be everything your husband has failed at, supportive, loving, and to help you around the house, with your physical and mental health. How long do plan on punishing yourself? Till he's out of highschool...that's how many years? Bunches--too many to be so unhappy and miserable. Your health will be affected by this also. How are you going to care for that precious baby of yours if you are suffering stress related illnesses. I know it's a very hard decision to make, and I am not going to lie to you and say it's going to be easy, because it's not. But if you stay...how can you possibly make your son happy living a lie. Please think long and hard about what I said...please think about yourself along with your son's life. Everyone maybe telling the right thing is to stay, but honey, they haven't lived in your house, and lived as this man's wife...no one has that right but you. What do you want? Don't you think you could make your son's life better if you were happier? Think of that way...if you do decide to stay, I would suggest some counseling because honey, you need some outlet, from someone who can give you opinions and answers to your questions without judging you. Take care of yourself, and that gift from God, and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.....

God bless us all.................

Answer 2

You seem to have arrived at the crux of the matter yourself: what will make the child happy?
The problem is that none of us can really answer that. Everyone's situation is life is different; there is no way a stranger can justify telling you what is or isn't best for your son without knowing the details of your personal lives. You should talk to a family councilor who not only has expertise in this area, but who can sit down with you and find out the relevant details of your lives, and can ask you the right questions so you can arrive at the correct answer. When it comes to something as important and complicated as this, don't solicit advice from a bunch of complete strangers who have no demonstrable expertise or experience; for all you know, you could be taking the advice from a high school drop out smoking pot and on his fifth shooter as he's reading your question. If you want to get an opinion on whether or not to wear a certain dress to a party, or whether or not to ask someone out on a date or something, sure, by all means ask away in here. But for making a decision on your son's future happiness? Talk to someone who can give you expert advice based off your personal life situation.

Answer 3

If you know that you feel this way about your Husband then there is no point in staying for the child because the child will know that somethings not right with mommy and daddy and will begin asking questions questions that you may not want to aswer kids are very smart so its not a good idea to stay for the kids because you have said you are just plain sick of your Husband and it would be no problem if he were cheating thats not good you cannot listen to everyone else not even on yahoo,you have to do what your heart tells you and if your hearts saying divorce then follow your heart,you also have to do whats best for your child in order for you and your child to both be happy.

Answer 4

They used to stay to stick it out for the kids, but that's only true when everyone's happy in the relationship. The problem is, kids are not stupid, and when things aren't working, they are usually the first to know about it, and they are very sensitive to the stress. If you two are so bitterly unhappy with each other, your son already knows. The constant bickering and fighting, even if you try to be civil in front of him, will take an emotional toll on him. Yes, sometimes kids blame themselves when their parents split up, but if you stay together, then he may wind up blaming himself for you all's arguing and unhappiness, anyway. And should it ever slip in an argument that you two are only staying together for him, you're really in trouble because he will never forget it. At least if you split up, the arguing isn't so constant and isn't so close. At 4 years old, he should be young enough to adjust to a two-home living arrangement as long as you guys are play nice where he's concerned.

Answer 5

It's interesting that you say divorce and not counseling. If you have not done counseling do it. If he says no, tell him to think of your child he is what matters now, not either of your feelings. See how he answers that.

There has to be more on each side than just "he" is the raw end of the deal. You have to communicate and counseling is the first step towards that.

You are right to think of your boy. The best thing for a child is a mother and father married in the house.

I hope the best for your child, because he is really the victim here. He did not have a choice in you two birnging him into the world and he has no say in your marriage woes.

If he really has cheated on you, I can't speak to that. It has never happened to me and would be your choice what to do from that point.

I can speak to my expereince in my marriage and children.

I also wish you well.

Answer 6

I understand you feel like you're not getting love, support, and help from your husband.
However, before jumping to conclusions on divorce, I ask you to suggest marriage counseling. I think the two of you both need to figure out what is bothering both of you about one another, compromise, try and work things out, and see if you can save this marriage for yourselves and your child.
If counseling doesn't work or your husband refuses, then you should divorce. Any person not willing to try and save something rather then quit, doesn't deserve anything. And if after counseling you're still not happy, don't stay just for your child, because sometimes "staying together for the kids" actually doesn't help the kid. I know because when I was a child my parents "stayed together for me" and I had to hear their constant yelling and fighting every single day for years.

Answer 7

If you want your son to be happy you need to raise him outside your loveless, hurtful, unsupportive marriage...

Staying for a child only gives that child guilt and problems they blame all the marrital problems on themselves none of which are thier fault..

Children learn what they live what is your child learning when you as a his mother accept the way you are being treated? He learns that is the appropriate way in which to treat a woman..

Stop listening to everyone else and listen to your heart it's already told you divorce is the answer for you... Now get off you hiney and get to doing it...

Answer 8

Zana Do you think a son growing up in a loveless relationship is growing to be any less scared than a child in a peaceful divorced home . your son is Young and yes he will pine for his father but if you part at a mutual point of agreement and your son still has access to his father will he suffer . and speaking of suffering why do you persist in suffering in a loveless marriage do you think that your son will want to know in the future that you suffered just so as to spare his feelings . I don't think so .

Answer 9

Divorce him, you deserve to be happy too. Your four year old will adjust over time . It would be best if it was a friendly divorce, that will help the four year old to see mom and dad are still friends. To stay could lead to alot of bitterness and other problems in the future and your four year old will pick up on this. Good luck to you whatever you decided to do.

Answer 10

Seems to me he is trying to gain some distance from you.

Don't let other people make you decisions for you.

I grew up in a house where my parents were not loving to each other, and was later told that they stuck it out for the sake of the kids. I don't think they did me any favors. I was jealous of the kids whose parents, or step parents, displayed love and laughed in their homes. I carried allot of guilt for a long time because I thought it was my fault that my parents were unhappy. I had to learn a different way of living before I could settle into a happy marriage as an adult.