How long do you keep trying to get your wife back?

Question

My wife and I have been seperated for about 2 1/2 months now. I left because we lived with her mother and it was a constant battle and her mother was the head of the household and her not me. Anyway after I left (only about 36 hours later) I came back only to be told she wants to be apart and she is living with her mom and my kids and I am in my own apartment. I have left notes, sent flowers, sent text messages, left little gifts all to try to say sorry and it is not her and I still love her but I get nothing back, not even a thank you for the stuff I left for her. I still love her with all my heart but the hanging on kills me.

Answer 1

The only thing I can suggest to u is, give yourself a time limit, as far as how long u are going to wait and stick with it. Then, move on. It sounds like she wants to be with her mom instead of u and it suits her fine. If she doesn't want to come back to u, there's nothing u can do.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I hate to say this but why on earth would you even live with your in-law! That is the number one mistake you made. It totally makes sense that her mother would be the head of the household if it is her house. Would it really make sense for you to show you are the head of the household when you are living under her roof? It just doesn't make that much sense to me buddy. It does not matter what kind of roof you put over hear head but it really has to be just you and her. At this point I think you have learned the lesson, and all I can tell you is not to do the same mistake again. Depending what kind of person your mother in law is only God knows what she put in your wife's head, but if your wife truly loves you she will not let her mother control her marriage, and if she does not love you that much maybe she is just using the situation as an excuse. Sorry to be so harsh but that is just the truth. Best wishes!

Answer 4

Your wife has a decision to make: either she wants to be under her mother for the rest of her life, or she wants to be married to you. You can't make that decision for her. What her mother should do is, literally throw her out of the house, and change the locks.

That's what my mother did for me, and it was the best thing she could have ever done. It made me grow up when I didn't want to. I was about to get married, but she put me out and changed the locks on her house, so I couldn't get back in. She moved some of my things over to my father's house, and I lived there until I got married, then I moved out of my father's house into our own place, and we haven't been back to live there since.

She's got children with you as well, and she wants to stay there, or is it her mother speaking? You need to sit down and talk with her and find out, once and for all, what she wants. Make sure it's her you're talking to, and not her mother. Good luck.

Answer 5

I have been married for 26 years and have had a few problems with his family, but he was the one that made the choice of choosing me over them. We live a long distance from them now and because of that; our marriage has survived this long. You have to be strong and tell her that you are the head of the family and if she prefers to live with her mother then with you then so be it! Be a man and be brave then go see an attorney then move on! it will not be easy but you will over come it. Just make it easy on the children don’t fight over them, and take your time before you get into another relationship don’t be in a hurry heal yourself first!

Answer 6

It sure does not sound like she wants YOU back. Her actions speak louder than words....sorry this probably hurts especially since you have kids. You could try counseling...or maybe some intensive "marriage weekend". They are available everywhere, you just need to look or let me know if you need help and I can point you in the direction...though without her consent or interest that could be hard. Maybe give her time and space, though not with your children they need you now more that ever.....get with your children! If she tries to stop you take her to court.

Answer 7

I think u should give her time. I divorced my husband because his mom was always in the way. she knew all the personal stuff. If its meant to be she forgive and forget and come back to you. I dont mean to say this to hurt you or anything but i think with you holding on like this its not doing u no good. You cant keep waiting for her, The only advice i can say is Prayer.

Answer 8

I would set up marriage counselling and see if she will go. It might be that her mother is controlling her, but it might also be that her mother is going to bat for her because you won't listen when she talks to you. In counselling, you might be able to separate that and figure out what the real problem is. Clearly though, her mom has gotten in the middle of your relationship. In the future, mainly for those other folks, live in a box before you move your family in with your parents. I LOVE my in-laws. They are the greatest you could ask for, but seriously... not a chance in hell would I move my family in with them. Adding extra adults (especially family members, because of the bias) to your marriage is a bad idea.

Answer 9

You'll have to go and see her face to face. If she doesn't want to let you in, tell her you came to see YOUR kids. When you come in, have a one on one talk to her about your marriage and where it is headed.
Explain to her that you'd like to save this marriage, that you love her and are sorry. Maybe she does enjoy the notes, messages, gifts, but wants to hear a sincere apology coming straight out of your mouth, to her face.
Be polite and sincere, honesty is policy, and stop showering her with gifts; you've given her plenty... now is time to confront her.

Answer 10

I guess it depends on how much you really love her. Is she willing to talk or go to counseling? What about her mom? Have you tried talking to her? If it feels right in you're heart then you know. Don't let her take advantage of you though. My husband left me three weeks ago and I'd give anything for him to come back!