Do I believe my husband if he says she is just a friend?

Question

I recently found out that my husband is talking on his cell alot with a coworker. okay me started having problems and on the verge of divorce but he claims that she has nothing to do with our problems and that he would never leave for another woman and that she is just a friend, but I only found out who she was because I checked his phone bill and then called the number and got her voicemail. Also about two months ago we had the same situation but he would never tell who she was but since it was not important he could stop the calls anytime. And he did for awhile and then they started again. A couple times a day and night.

We have been married for 12years and have two kids, I did kick him out and we are deciding if we are going to try to work it out or not. He is my highschool sweetheart and my first everything, I am scared of the unknown.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry. I can tell you that I have always read that a wifes gut feelings are usually correct. One way or the other, there are serious trust issues here. I always gave my husband the benefit of the doubt and after over 30 years I found out that my feelings had been correct. I have chosen to stay together and just take it day by day. However, I remember wondering what I should do when my children were little & I thought that it was best to try to 'hold my family together'...well, for me and my children this was not the right choice...I should have left. I tried though, and I did the best I could at the time...but my children have suffered. Everyone is grown now, my sons appear okay, but my daughter has alot of isues with men & just cant seem to pick good mates. I admire the spouses that after serious thought & prayer, leave *if they feel that that is whats right for them...because thats a really really tough thing to do. I'll hold you and your family in prayer. Half the trouble is in deciding what to do, once you make the choice, I think that you will feel a it better.

Answer 2

I wouldn't let the unknown scare me as much as I would the unknow of how may other women his been with . Should I say "STD''. I mean how do you know? Friend? Yeah right. And watch out for the low flying purple pig. Anytime a spouse keeps something like a phone number of a female or male {depending on which spouse it is.} a secret ,then there's more to it that just friends.He takes you for granted and thinks his got you whooped. I'd be showing him who's whooped.I'd let him see I'm not not scare to go it alone. Maybe because I did 20 years ago. Same thing happened to me but I did better without him. I bought my own home and raised our 3 daughters alone for 10 years before I re-married. His now past his 3rd wife and still looking for #4. You can do it if you have too.

Answer 3

GUYS AND FEMALES AS FRIENDS DON'T MIX!! You should be his #1, day and night. And if the other woman wasn't that important then he should have cut all ties off for good. But as you can see the this is not the first time it has happened. Don't make yourself stay when you and your kids are the ones getting hurt in the end. You deserve better than that. Because if the shoe was on the other foot he will trip out!

Answer 4

I really don't want to you to take what I say wrong. But usually if all of this strange behavior is going on. Most likely it could be more than friends. I have found this to be true: Usually if a man and woman are talking alot to each other, someone wants something out of the relationship. Listen to me, when it comes to friends, sometimes they are your worse enemey. My best friend of 7 years, lived with me for 2 months, and went with my boyfriend behind my back, and she was living in my house, when all of this took place. I know this girl may not be your friend, but keep your guard up, some women will do anything to have a man.

Answer 5

OH dont say its soooooo. Give me a break. If they were only friends then why is it they have to talk everyday more then once? HMMMMM....sounds pretty fishy to me. I have guy friends and I dont even talk to them once a week, its more like a few times a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. Do you talk to your girlfriends this much? I dont think so. Plus, if shes a co-worker then why be on the phone out of work this often. What is this girls malfunction to begin w/. Honey...she wants your man or she would not be calling or excepting his calls that often exspecially if he was married. This girl is what we call a home wrecker and I'm being nice by putting it this way. Get this under control now.

Answer 6

One thing is for sure: You don't trust him and have little confidence in yourself. If he's cheated on you in the past you might want to remember this: It's the first time that it's hard to cheat... all the other times just keep getting easier and easier... and if it's not important... why isn't he talking? I guess you're scared of the unknown... But I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't really care about me. The choice is yours... Your best life lies just beyond your fears. Good Luck...

Answer 7

He is your childhood sweetheart, so you really havent experienced much in the way of dating and relationships and the thought of losing him would be very frightening.

No-one, but him knows what the truth is, but I tend to think there may be something more going on. What is your gut telling you?

A friend of mine married his childhoold sweet heart....he is absolutely miserable now. When you are young, hormones are racing and you fall in love so easily, but do any of us really know it is right? It is not until you get older can you answer that question. My friend should have left his wife a long time ago, because the "love" was very short lived and their relationship on his part was responsibility and on her part it was owning him. If he "smelled the roses" 20 years ago, maybe he wouldnt be unhappy now.

Dont wait until you are in your 50s to realise that you are not in a satisfying relationship. You kicked him out, you said, so there is something about him that you are not happy about. He is also making these calls to another woman, and most women would get suspect about that.

Because you havent had a lot of experience with relationships, I can only say that this man you are married to is not the only man you will ever be able to love. And you can be loved fully by another man. Only you can decide where you are at in this relationship.

Marriage counselling does work, but only if the two of you want it to work. But in saying that, if you could get him to go with you to a marriage guidance counsellor, then who knows he may really WANT to be committed to his marriage with you. Why does he need this female "friend" in his life? If he is having problems he should be coming to you to talk things out with. Men and women have friendships all the time, but the thing that bothers me is that he was sneaky about it. You had to find the number and ring it...so why was he hiding that fact?

When a relationship breaks up it is heart renching for anyone, but someone without a lot of experience in that area would have all kinds of fears. We all have the power to live a full and satisfying life...no-one has to "settle". You have to decide if you are settling out of fear of the unknown or whether you trully do love him and want to be with him for the rest of your life. If that is what you have chosen and he feels the same then I would really suggest both of you get the the Marriage Guidance counsellor quickly.

I wish you success, but first off you have to decide what you really want, what you are prepared to accept and have the strength to follow through with it. We are talking about your future happiness, and we all deserve it to be fullfilling and as stress free as it can possibly be.....You owe that to yourself.

Answer 8

Go with your gut on this. My husband has female friends and I have really close guy friends that I've been friends with way longer than I've known my husband. That said, I don't talk with them everyday. They also call on my home phone and my husband and I talk about the crazy conversation I had with Whoever. My guy friends also come over to the house. We chat or play poker or we all go out together. I don't think the "friend" is the problem. I think it that he feels he needs to keep it a SECRET. If you marriage is really going to pot, and he cared about keeping it together, he would focus on that and not on outside "friendships".

Answer 9

i know what u are going thru, and no don't believe she is just a friend. my hubby told me the same thing about a year ago,so like a dumb *** i believed him and little by little the calls started he would spend hrs on his cell with her so i started to snoop and found out they were more than friends she would take him out after work and he wouldn't show up at our home till 3-4am. i was pregnant at the time,i was depressed this lasted 10months he ended it after we had our daughter. I'm still with him .i love him but i don't think i will ever trust him. :(

Answer 10

you are living with him for 12 year. between this you know what kind of person he is.
but my advise to you is that
love has the power to come out from any situation.
So give the best to him what he want and what he doesn't.
forget all things and go with it.
you will feel bad.
but
if you go with it and if he is wrong then he will feel that he is wrong because of love and care that you are giving to him and by forgetting the past.
its not easy road to give love and care by forgetting all the past.
but you do so you will get the path that you want.
its my experience.

what ever you want to do just do it
but its your 12 year relation just think over it.