date again or become intimate with the opposite sex? My ex husband had an affair and left me for his secretary after 18 years of marriage. I SERIOUSLY almost died of a broken heart. It's been 5 years now and I haven't even kissed a man. I decided that I don't ever want to feel that bad again so I am not taking the risk of getting involved in a relationship.
2006-09-15 15:26:48 · 31 answers · asked by bluejasmine3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That is probably a good idea they are all the same
2006-09-15 15:28:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Dear friend, it IS hard to trust again after being betrayed. My situation was a bit different, but the pain is the same. I can tell you, however, that there is life after that kind of hurt. The amount of time it takes depends on the persons and their sensitivity. If you haven't done so, I would recommend counseling. For me it also helped to get involved in a counseling group at church.
For a while it felt like there was no purpose for life. I couldn't see how God could allow it, let alone make good come from it. I couldn't understand how anything good could come from such a horrible thing as divorce. But I HAVE witnessed good even from my divorce. I've learned so much, I've helped others, my pain enabled me to relate to others in a way I could have but not for having experienced that pain myself.
If you want to talk, I'm here. Life is good. That's something I didn't think I'd ever say again.
- Tami
2006-09-15 22:44:24 · answer #2 · answered by HelpfulHanna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was not necessarily hurt, I was just fed up. I wasn't able to find a man who could stand on his own two feet and take care of responsibilities.Someone who would put me and the kids before their own selfish wants. After my last relationship ended in divorce, I made a decision not to become involved with anyone romantically for a very long time, if ever again. Now, my kids are grown and I have the freedom to do what I want, when I want, and with whom I want. I doubt I will become involved with a man again romantically unless someone extremely special comes along. I am not necessarily afraid of it, I just don't want the hassle and heartache of it anymore.
I don't mean to insinuate they are all the same, because I know a lot of really great guys. It is just that at this juncture in my life, I find freedom and independence more to my liking.
2006-09-15 23:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, after almost 9 years of marriage I am now in a bitter custody battle with my ex. He was emotionally and verbally and a few times physically abusive after marriage and I thought I married a good person. Now trying to get the kids out of spite. I swore I could never trust a man or my feelings again then accidentally fell in love with a friend but now he has hurt me(not in an abusive way more broken promises) too. Should I just give up? It seems awfully lonely that way though...
2006-09-15 22:36:04 · answer #4 · answered by JustWant2B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It took me 7 years.
Not because I was broken hearted. I just hated all men. There was no such thing as a good man.
I'm still not too sure about men. But 7 years is way too long. I don't know how I lasted.
The guy I'm with now understands why I get into the man hating mood. He was friends with my ex husband so he really knows what I went through. I'm still not really involved as I should be. But I'm working on it. I just don't want to go through all the crap again.
2006-09-15 22:31:44 · answer #5 · answered by danadeville 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is always a possibility of getting hurt there is a possibility of happiness to. You can't GO up without going down. Life is all give and take gotta have the sadness to know what happiness is. EVERY relationship will at some point have issues and disagree you will also have a companion, a buddy, a sexual partner, someone to rub your feet and back, those things are worth trying again. You just learn not to let who you are be defined by your partner. I know it's hard the chance of being hurt won't ever go away your losing the change of being happy to you don't try to move on he wins.
2006-09-15 22:46:42 · answer #6 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know I have a friend whose heart was terribly broken and she has felt the same. I am sorry...you must be a person who not only loves but loves in the most deepest way a person can, one who is so passionate about many things in your life. Well, at least, that is the way that my friend is, intense and intense in all aspects, especially love. So, with that, I wanted to share with you how she has come to let go and heal herself. She did counseling for a few years, but that really did not help her. She felt all alone while people around her told her to "get over it it has been long enough", she lost friends because that is all that she would talk about, until one weekend. My husband and I signed up for a grieving weekend with a woman by the name of Sobonfu Some. She is an amazing woman who brings her South African tribes ceremony to people like us. It was an amazing weekend for all three of us. She didn't believe that it would work but she decided to go. She was AMAZED at the results that she got after doing the weekend. After 3 days of crying, grieving and with ritual of letting go, she has healed and is now moving on with her life. I STRONGLY recommend this weekend for you and your heart to heal. Every woman/person deserve good in their life and that means YOU! Try this weekend it is worth all the money that you have REALLY. Check our her website and see when the next "Grieving Weekend" is. www.sobonfu.com Good luck with this healing, you will feel better, you will be in relationship again but first you need to let go of all the pain. This weekend will give that freedom and new future you are looking for. Peace.
2006-09-15 22:39:34 · answer #7 · answered by jewels 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please don't do that to yourself. Don't let your dirt bag of a ex-husband still have that control over you. I truly understand what your going through. I was married for 35 plus years and my husband found and old girlfriend he never got over and abandon me for her. I too was shattered and angry at someone I thought I knew. It hasn't been a year yet and my divorce will be final in Dec. Are you going through any kind of counseling? It will take time. Easier said than done. But let some of your anger go and allow yourself some happiness too. I too feel like it will take sometime for TRUST, but open your heart again, because not all men are like your EX. I hope that your doing some fun things for yourself? When you lease expect it something good will come your way if you allow it. Makes some friends and now its time for you to enjoy life, don't shut it off open the door and allow life to come back to you. No man is worth a dead Heart. I wish you well and take care
2006-09-15 22:47:14 · answer #8 · answered by nicknacpattymac 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, almost all of us have been there. I remember when my ex bf cheated on me with another woman. And although I dropped him like a rock then, it still hurt and I thought I could never trust another man again but I met my current husband that changed all that. So, what I'm saying is u just haven't met the one who will change how u feel. He's out there and if u keep holding on to your fear, u will never meet the one who will love u and be faithful to u. Don't let one, unworthy person ruin it for u.
2006-09-15 22:45:30 · answer #9 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you I did the same thing only its over 10 years, and I am a miserable lonely person. Give up the bad partner and give your self an other chance, I don't think you will be sorry. You might look at what was the attraction, and what may have caused the breakup. He may have been a RAT. Learn from your pain don't let it rule your life. Very best if luck
2006-09-15 23:03:45 · answer #10 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because he was a jerk doesn't make them all jerks. There's someone else out there for you and you should give them a chance. You may find happiness that you never thought you would find. This time you have an advantage, you already know what type man you want and how you want to be treated. Look for only those kinds and throw the others in the street.
2006-09-15 22:50:33 · answer #11 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋