Do you feel like you have no say in your home?

Question

I feel like I am just a fixture in my own home (house). Today I brought a box of kleenex tissues and put them on the table in the living room, my wife removed them back to the cabinet.
I put my medications on the counter to take, and she puts them back in the cubbard. When I mention it, she says she does not want the medicne on the counter. I have tried putting them on top of the micowave, and that did not work. She told me that I should put them in the bathroom, but I told her that some medication are not to be storred in the bathroom.
When I put on the after shave lotion, it spilled ont eh bathroom counter, I took a tissue and wiped it up, then she complainted that I splashed it.
I cannot wear my shoes in the house, and they are not dirty . We sleep in separte rooms, and she complains that I do not wear underwear. I blew my nose this morning with a tissue or handkerchief and she told me that it is too early for that, she could not stand it. Married 38 years What is wrong

Answer 1

Being married for 38 years there would have to be a lot of history between the two of you. Think back and work out has her dominance only been occurring recently, or has she been this way for a long time?

I would assume she has been this way for a while. A person will only behave a certain way if they are allowed to "get away with it".
It is not uncommon that a man, through love, and not wanting to cause waves will allow his wife to call the shots. I guess too you would have spent most of your married life working and she tended to the house (only guessing)...so she sees it as her domain probably.

You need to sit her down and just tell her, that this is an equal relationship with both you and her having an equal say. She only has this power over you because you have allowed it.

It will be hard at first because its probably something you have never done before. She will eventually take you seriously when you are consistent in your approach, e.g. when she says it is too early to blow your nose....blow your nose again, and say "I will blow my nose when my nose needs blowing" When she complains that you dont wear undwear, say "I dont tell you what to wear in your bed, please dont tell me what to wear in my own". When she puts your medication away, without a fuss, take it out from where she put it and put it back where you first put it. Keep on doing this and she will finally get the message, that she is not the only one in this relationship.

You have to be firm with her otherwise she will not change. You need to change your tactics if you want her to change her behaviour. She needs to be reminded that you are not her possession but a real live human being with the same rights as any other human being. This is not about hurting her feelings, its about asserting your rights. She doesnt have any right, marriage or no marriage, to dominate you this way and the only way it is going to change, is for you to change your reactions...dont allow her to get her way all the time. You dont have to do it in a rude way...Just state your case calmly, but most of all be consistent. If she wants to argue with you....walk away...tell her you will discuss this with her when she is more calm. Take charge, but because it has been so long with her getting her own way all the time, this change will take some time...that is why I have said consistency is the key...dont back down, be firm and in control.

Answer 2

Sounds like MartyK and your wife should be together! We'd find out in a quick hurry who'd come out of the fighting ring. Anyway, I truly believe that you have more issues going on in this relationship than her being so bossy. Has the spark gone out of your relationship? Do you do anything together? Is she bored with her life? Is she bored with you? Is she healthy? Does she work outside of the home? How long has this been going on? (Since the beginning of your marriage or within the last few years)Do you just walk away from her when she tells you something, or do you let her know you have suggestions & feelings? You both sound so unhappy. Is there any way you both could get into counseling? If not, I certainly don't feel that this marriage will make it much longer. Good Luck to You.

Answer 3

Well, chances are u have allowed her to be like this for the past 38 yrs, thinking she's the boss of the house and it's highly unlikely she's going to change after all this time. U can let her know how u feel of course but I doubt she will change her ways overnight. Just stick it out.

Answer 4

Sounds like it's time to sweep her off her feet. Your marriage is in a rut and you need to really do something big to make her feal special. After 38 years- take her to Paris, Sydney or somewhere exotic. By doing this, you'll help rekindle that youthful love and she will be in a better place. Communication will probably flow better after that kind of gesture.
Good luck.

Answer 5

I don't mean to be a *****, but this sounds funny.....except for the sleeping in separate rooms part. It sounds like she has no patience for you. If she's the one that does all the cleaning, I can understand her wanting things her way, wouldn't it just be easier to put the things away yourself, rather than have her nitpick at you because you didn't? She sounds fed up. Maybe she feels unappreciated? 38 years.....that's a long time, convicted murderers usually get less time.

Answer 6

You're a WIMP, plain and simple, and your wife wears the pants. You either become a man, stand up to her and take back your authority in your home, or you'll continue to be bullied by her and nothing will change.

What ridiculous advice below - "communication issues" and then another dumb answer after that. Just tell it like it is to your wife, like I'm doing right now. It's now several answers that have appeared, and NONE of them have told it to you straight, as I have.

Answer 7

she sounds like she is bored, and that their might be another guy in the picture because everything you do is driving her crazy just watch listen keep ears open wide watch here movements i really think their is another person taking up her time i might be wrong but you guys sleep in different rooms come on their has to be someone else was these things bothering her before if not think about what i am saying,start looking around for things and sighs from her or she is just a nag

Answer 8

i cant really give you any advice just symphoise for you. see i also have been married thirty eight years. must be a magic number, my husband always times me when i go to town, or says this is my house not ours so i expect things to be done this way, or where did all my money go, so i do know how you feel i just dont know what to tell you to do because i havent figured it out yet, hope things get better for you they havent me.

Answer 9

LOL Your wife sounds like a huge NAG. But after being married this long, I guess you just have to learn to ignore it.

Answer 10

Don't listen to her so much. Do whatever you want but be reasonable. Be cooperative if she is trying to keep the house neat.
Blow your nose in the bathroom.