A poem to critique, analyze, &/or interpret.?

Question

We'll remember you
when springtime comes
when flowers bloom in May
When you would roam
far & wide
to explore a peaceful day

We'll remember you
in summer time
when grass is scorched & brown
We'll remember you
in the golden fall
with leaves all tumbling down

We'll remember you
in winter time
huddled in blankets warm
With snowflakes drifting
down outside
safe from winter's storm

We'll remember you
with flowers
clutched in your hand so tight
Forever in springtime
from now on
forever in God's light.

What can you tell about the person this poem memorializes?

How can I make this poem better?

I'll tell you more about the story behind the poem, later.

There is some special symbolism in the seasons in this poem. This was written for my aunt's memorial service. She was bipolar & struggled greatly with the manic highs (hot summer) & low depressions (cold winter.) But when she was on a even keel for a stretch of time (spring) she was happy & content.
Spring of '05, she was picking flowers by the bay when she passed out into the water & never regain consciousness. They say flowers were still clasped in her hands when they found her. I liked the imagery of her being "forever in Springtime."
I wrote a prose, her sister (my other aunt) put it to verse & my brother, later, put it to music.

Answer 1

Smart Kat, lose the ampersands; they don't belong in verse or short story. I believe all prose and poety should have each new sentence capitalized.

Other than that, I like the message you're revealing. As for the person hidden in the poem I might suggest it could be a loved one now lost and the prose keeps that person alive in the words you've written.

To help improve the poem read it aloud for balance and flow. There are a few areas where the rhythm is faulty and then regained. I believe you have a good one here that needs just a bit more polishing.

Thanks for sharing.

Answer 2

It feels like a poem that you would dedicate to somebody that has gone.
I like this poem.
It is simple but it has honesty and originality.
I don't believe you should change anything even if you could make it better.
There are poems that need to be fixed and there are poems that shouldn't.
Especially when beautiful words will hide the clear truth that it conveys .

Answer 3

I love the message of it. I'd like to see more of your writing.
I advise you to use lots of unique words to convey messages, just a tip.

Good job. =]

-AL