I have a 13 year old stepson and we have custody.His mother is not in the picture and hasn't been since 2000

Question

I have been with him since he was 7 years old. I've never had problems with him it all started to change around the 6th grade. It's only gotten worse-he has no respect for me. Last year I quit checking his homework because he copped an attitude if I told him that certain ones were wrong. Finally I just said ok, then I won't check them anymore-and then his grades went down.Well this year I said sorry, I know you hate this but I'm going to check your homework everyday whether you like it or not. He is such a disrespectful little brat,sometimes just seeing him makes me mad. Not mad to the point of violence, just, I can't stand him. His brother is a year younger and the sweetest thing in the world! I also have a daughter who is 2 years younger. The kids get along great. It's just he is (again) getting on my last good nerve! We took him to counseling last year-it did no good. When his mom does call, which is rare, he's worse. She tells the boys not to call me mom. What to do?

Answer 1

Find a new counselor and get to the root of his attitude.

Answer 2

I've been there, with a child of my own and also a step-child. A child that age can have an "attitude" even if there is no divorce and no mother who is antagonizing the situation. Some kids are sweet, some get on your last nerve. Staying calm (I know it's hard) helps. When he is disrespectful there should be consequences. Whatever he would hate the most to lose. TV, games, whatever. Does your husband support you? Hope so.

Answer 3

Well you do not speak like a real/birth mother. You speak like the step-mother you are. While you have filled in and done very kind things for these children, you call the child a brat - whom you say you ‘hate.’ Not normal for a Mother.

Divorce is quite a tragedy for children who obviously should be with their own mums if at all possible. Try to see through the eyes of a child who has suffered a terrible loss in his life. Encourage his mother to be there, and for him to love his mother. NEVER undermine the woman who bonded with him as a baby and sacrificed for him also.

You are not a better Mum than their own mother, you are simply a step-Mum doing your best. You are in a favoured position by their father - this is a difficult thing for children to accept as much as they may care for you. It is a terribly unnatural for kids to have to live with. Remember that the best way for a father to love his children is to love their mother. Obviously this cannot be done, so instead she must be shown kindness and respect by all of you, for the sake of the children. You took on this role and married their father. Maybe the mother would like to be where you are – but that door closed to her.

Think about the bigger picture if you can, and I know it is a tough one. My sister always felt second best to her step kids….and she really was – still is.

Answer 4

if it is the case you have infant with the actual ideas-set of a 13 year previous and psychological ideas-set of a 6 year previous. The counselor is a moron. you merely dont punish a 6 year previous with out permitting them to understand why. you should describe that what he does incorrect has outcomes. Then while he does do incorrect. do away with something that he enjoys. Like a video game or something else. you should be consistent. toddlers in hassle-free terms learn with repitition and consistance. it form of feels you sense via fact he's retarded you have given up. quite that is going to likely be greater paintings than elevating your different toddlers in spite of the undeniable fact that that is going to likely be nicely worth it. alongside with the punishment area you pick a reward area days while he does not something incorrect he ought to be rewarded... Its paintings plenty greater valuable this form. not at all do something in anger. maximum persons cant think of right this moment while they're indignant. come returned to the region once you're calm. continually clarify you dont like a undeniable habit amd the habit is incorrect and it has outcomes and then act on those consequenses. The punishment shouldnt be too overwhelming. dont take a toy away for a week in hassle-free terms for the day. And the advantages shouldnt be too grand the two dont promise a visit to disney international. something hassle-free like a solid desolate tract at dinner. not at all not at all not at all promise a reward or punishment. Do it after the reality. Say at dinner. you have performed ok right this moment and right this is a very good piece of chocolate cake. Or not at all threaten punishment. merely after he has performed something and you're calm then clarify the punishment. desire this permits

Answer 5

There you go this is the boys real problem. Eventually it will effect his younger brother and he will start acting like his older brother sooner or later. The boys need to have a chance to be with their mother on a regular basis. It may hurt, but it's a part of life...See what you can arrange with their mother so they can be with her more often.

Take Care & Good Luck.

Answer 6

You took on quite a bit with 2 children plus having your own. Sounds like you're doing your best. Try to be patient (even tho I know it's hard)...this kid is at the age where he's beginning puberty so attitude changes are bound to happen. Maintain rules and demand respect, but choose your battles wisely. For example, don't jump on him about unimportant things, but continue to keep up with the checking homework, etc. He may be testing you to see if you will leave too...afterall, his own mother did so why won't you (in his mind). In time he will realize what you're doing for him and that it was all for his own good. It sounds like his mother was merely the vessel that gave birth...YOU are the REAL MOM! Godspeed

Answer 7

You need to have a real talk with his biological mother and let her know that by law you ARE his mother and he should be there also after you two talk for a while first and let him know that your doing the things you do because you care. If you didn't care you would let him be a fool in school and mess up but you don't so it's only the right thing to do with time he'll see that your his real mom not the person who calls to make drama and wants her cake and eat it too.

Answer 8

Maybe if you didn't go around calling him an annoying little brat he would be nicer to you: wicked stepmother much? Why don't you try and be understanding of the kid? His mom and dad are seperated, and he's a teenager, and things are probably hard for him, now especially. Teenagers aren't going to be like good respectful, brainwashed little kids, they are going to retaliate, that's just in their nature! Parenthood isn't going to be a breeze, honey, its hard work.

Answer 9

I am in the same situtation but my stepson moms is a true *****. Just keep showing him that no matter what you are going to be there for him and that you are the one that is raising him. Also, your husband needs to step up and make him realize who is there for him. You can only do so much, but always remember that tough love is better than no love at all. Also tell him that you are proud of him and never call him out of his name.

Answer 10

sadly, its really nothing that you can do hes actting out because hes angry about his real mom especially since you saay that his younger brother is the sweetest thing he is just jealous of the bind that you two have and he doesnt know how to express himself we went through the same thing with my daughter and her step father she loves him to death but whenever her birth dad would decide to come around and fill her with lies she would be really mean to her stepdad but once she realize who was really the one that was there for her she changed and now theyre inseperable and her birth dad is nowhere to be found so you just need to talk to him even if you think he isn't listening he hears every word

Answer 11

The Bible says to discipline your children with the rod. But you don't have to do that. My mom did it to me and I was ok with it, but with your son, try grounding him or rewarding him a couple of bucks for good grades. Remember, you need to discipline and reward him. It's a fragile balance between the two that will lead to a better relationship between him and you. Also, tell him that you not being his mom is no excuse. You love him and it is you and not his real mother that is raising him. it'll be hard, but try to make it work. Be firm. You sound like a person who is really too nice.