my parents are divorced and i'm leaving for 6 weeks so we had all agreed to meet early for breakfast but then my father changed his mind and flat out refused to eat with my mother no matter what i decide i will be hurting one of them and won't get to say goodbye to one of them please help!(i'm 19)
2006-09-15 13:24:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell your parents when and where you're having breakfast and leave it at that. If your father decides not to come that's his loss. Don't allow your parents to put you in the middle of their problems. I know it's easier said than done but you need to make it clear to your parents that you won't take sides and that you refuse to allow either of them to put you in that position. I think it's very selfish of your father to do what he's doing and if you start compromising by changing your original plan than you will always find yourself doing that - I know, I've been there. Make your feelings known up front and refuse to get involved in your parents problems. Good luck!
2006-09-15 13:42:04 · answer #1 · answered by maxbegood 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have to admit that the advice of Maxbegood might work. Just tell them both when and where you will have breakfast and see what happens, but I'm not sure that is best even if it gets them both there. If one doesn't show up or if BOTH fail to show you will be very hurt because in your heart you will hope that they are both there.
I also have to see this from the side of your father and mother. It would be painful for both of them to be confronted with each other during an already traumatic time. Losing your beautiful baby girl for 6 weeks will be emotionally hard for both of them. I wonder if your father just feels like he already has more then he can mentally handle in the divorce and seeing you go away for 6 weeks would be just another bad thing he would have to deal with.
This summer, I had to let my daughter go and I won't see her for several months. Saying goodbye and then getting on a plane for the other side of the world was the worst moment of my life and so I just wonder how your dad feels about saying goodbye to you.
As an alternative to this breakfast idea... why don't you have a meal with dad the day before and just have breakfast with mom the day you leave. Try to avoid causing more harm OK?
2006-09-15 21:03:23 · answer #2 · answered by Roger S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad that your father is acting like a child and expecting you to be the parent. Your mom didn't ask you to choose, so it seems she's trying hard to be a good parent.
I say let your dad know how much his decision hurts you because you love him, but as you also want to see your mom, he's welcome to join you both or not attend. He can then make the choice to join the two of you, or realize that his threat made him lose out on seeing you.
Good luck.
2006-09-15 21:29:25 · answer #3 · answered by Draga M. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your father was the one to rock the boat, say goodbye to him on the phone and have breakfast with your mother.
2006-09-15 20:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your father changed his mind go to breakfast with your mother don't worry about hurting his feelings because he is the one the put you in the situation.It sounds like your mom is making an effort he should to.
2006-09-15 20:38:48 · answer #5 · answered by shortcakes_maple 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him know your feelings are hurt, and you hate the idea of picking one parent over another for special events. Then remind him he will miss out on important events later in life such as your baby's first birthday if he can't get over his feelings. This can be very difficult sometime for adults in a divorce situation.
2006-09-15 20:57:31 · answer #6 · answered by dawncs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I'm sorry your dad is an a%*ho$#. He should be able to put his differences aside with his ex and think of your feelings.. I know this for a fact. I have an 18 yr old son. I'm going through a divorce and there are times I have to bite the bullet as well as she for his sake. It isn't easy but we both love him. Girl don't worry about the dad. If he chooses to lose time with you that's his problem.. Good luck
2006-09-15 20:34:26 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
honestly your parents shouldnt be putting you in that postion 19 or 30... im a divorcee and its so hard but i try to help my children cope... i dont like putting them in a postion that will make them uncomfortable..if this is somthing that you arranged and one refuses to be there out of fooishness then you have to do what you have to do ... dont worry your parents will forgive you.. parents tend to have an unconditional love for theyre children no matter what the situation. good luck im sure you will make the right choice. oh and they dont have to be together to say good bye to you do something special with both just space it out .
2006-09-15 20:30:22 · answer #8 · answered by maureen a 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If your father won't eat with your mother, then that is his problem.
If he wants to see you, he will make the effort.
Why do men act like kids sometimes.
2006-09-15 20:28:44 · answer #9 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them that if they both love you enough they can put their differences aside for you ,no one and I mean no one could keep me from seeing my daughter and if they are any kind of parents at all,they will be there for you no matter what
2006-09-15 20:57:00 · answer #10 · answered by TAMMY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋