What Can I Expect?

Question

Ok. I am 32 and married almost 6 years to a wonderful man and I live in Texas. The problem is my parents. They've been miserably married for 36 years, live in the Midwest and now my mom and dad are very seriously considering starting divorce proceedings. I'm not sure what to expect and how this is going to affect me.

I also have a little sister who is adopted and is almost 8. What can she expect out of all of this?

My mom has threatened divorce before over the past few years but has never done anything. Now, it looks like she is serious and so is my dad. It sucks, because they're my parents, but they are making each other's lives extremely miserable, and that spills over into us kids, even though I'm not home with them anymore.

Never in my life would I have thought I'd be the casualty of a broken home. It makes me want to cry.

Answer 1

You can't do anything about your parent's divorce, but accept that's the way it's going to be. The anger between them has been building for a long time, and will increase during the divorce proceedings as a lot of issues come up, especially financial.

If they are both acting like adults, they will eventually come to an acceptance & understanding. (A divorce can be likened to a death, with the various stages and emotions of denial, anger, acceptance, etc.) But the journey will be painful for everyone.

If you really do, then tell your parents that you love both of them equally, and tell them that you never want to take sides on any issue between them. (Unless one of them is clearly in the wrong, legally.) You can & should be a good listener, but they have to work out their own problems - don't let them give you a problem that is really their's to own.

Be there for your younger sister - she will probably live with your mom and visit her dad, but make sure she knows that she can count on you. She will need some stability in her life, and you can be a strong one because you are her peer. Talk with her and spend time with her as much as you can spare.

Try to make the best for your parents in your own world. Spend as much time as you & your own marriage/family can allow, to still be in their life - holidays, birthdays, etc.

Make sure that your marriage & family comes first, but also make sure that you & your husband reach an understanding how to share important days with his family, and your two parents & sister with all the special days in the year.

It's not easy, there is no roadmap that works for all situations. If you have a spiritual adviser, then spend some time discussing your situation with him or her. Be thankful for everything in your life that is going well - your husband, children if any, health and other important things. Maintain a good perspective on things, and try to have a positive outlook on life going forward.

Hang in there - it will be alright. And make sure you have your priorities straight with your husband and family. Your sister and parents come after your own family's needs have been met.

Answer 2

If their discomfort has been "spilling" into your life this is a good thing. To often people don't realize that just because their parents are no longer in love with each other, it doesn't mean anything about you. Once your parents are separated that stress will go a way, and you will be all the better for it.

Yeah OK holidays may be a little uncomfortable, and yes your adopted sister will be tossed back and forth like so much potatoes. But she will still be loved by both your mom and dad. And if not them then you obviously love her and if needed could add her to your family.

Answer 3

Nasty isn't it? I'm sorry. Here's the way it looks from here. You'll probably hear a good deal about how bad the other person is from both of them. You may well need to set some boundaries and make bad mouthing the other off limits to you unless you've been through it and can handle it. You must maintain your integrity, independence, and be a good wife and let the two of them have it out. It's not your fault, you are not the judge nor jury and, technically, you are not the casualty of a broken home--that's not your home anymore.

Answer 4

At 32 I would guess that you have other things to think about right now.

If your parents are going to spilt, let them figure it out, that's their problem at this point, not yours. It's unfortunate that there is another child involved, I'm guessing because of some twisted thinking your parents thought that they would fix their relationship with another baby.

So here's what I would do. Get ready for your sister to move in soon and become a sister/mom.

As far as been a casualty of being a broken home, Suck it up a bit here. You are grown woman. You haven't been shot. You haven't been run down. You have your health (I'm guessing). You have enough to eat (I'm guessing). You have internet where the other 97% of the planet has nothing. Focus on what is real right now and ground yourself.

Nothing worse than yet another first world whiner, crying over a near perfect life.

Answer 5

I have been in your shoes, but my parents are still together. AT times they are fine, other times my mother tells me she's packing her bags and coming here, and has come darn close. I'm also 33.
I'm not answering because I have a real answer, but because I simply know what it's like to be an adult with your own children, to fear your parents may divorce, and to also live with the stress of watching them make each other miserable. It never goes away. It's hard to imagine parents that have been together so long and at their age be alone.
Best wishes. Maybe there's a way they can get some help. tell them you want them to be happy, but stay together too.

Answer 6

My wife's parents divorced after being together 20 years. To make things worse her mom made her testify in court against her dad. My wife was in her teens at the time. It effected her so much that even today (she is 32 also) she still thinks about her mom and dad and wishes they were together still. I think it's going to be painful for your entire family. The sad thing is that there is nothing you can do. I guess in a way that's a good thing also. Sometimes life just stinks. Like I tell my wife, God never wanted people to do these things to each other. That's why it hurts so much.

Answer 7

Oh my god I totatly understand you, I'm 29 and my parents always been real close to seperating they did at one point I was 7 years old but after 2 years apart they got back together and only for the worst. My dad cannot live with my mom but the second she is not around he's calling her cell phone and asking where she's at!! Sounds weird but true.Anyways my point is; it hurts no matter what age you are, dont let people make you feel that you are to old to feel for your parents troubles!!Please if you can say prayer for them. I really feel bad for that 8 yr. old as it is she is already in enough grief by being adopted and now her adoptive family comming apart!! Wow it has to harder on her if you think about it!!My best wishes and prayers go out to you and all your family!!

Answer 8

because you've been pregnant have you ever taken as lengthy to get waiting to bypass out? Nope LOL, i do not even fairly try Do you bypass out as a lot as before? nicely for sure i do not bypass out eating or to activities, yet I do bypass out to dinner extra :) the biggest difficulty that has replaced because you discovered out you've been pregnant? SO drained! Cravings? Taco Bell! received weight on the intense side, low side or correct on course? i have in basic terms received 4 kilos so some distance Do you examine on-line or everywhere week by employing week on your being pregnant? if so the position? I easily have a being pregnant countdown on my laptop pc, and that i'm on Y!A plenty :) What do you bypass over the most on the grounds that being pregnant? The occasional beer LOL How a lot longer do you've left? 4 months Are you loving your being pregnant or waiting to bypass in demanding artwork? slightly of both, i will't wait to get my body again, in spite of the undeniable fact that it really is exciting being pregnant! Do you sense like you excercise adequate (shall we be truthful, lol)? I walk a touch over a mile from the prepare station to artwork and again contained in the city, so i imagine it really is a sturdy quantity Is your husband/fiance/spouse powerful? more effective than you theory or a lot less? My fiance is astounding. He brings me to chuffed tears each and every of the time for the affection and care, and each and every thing he does from me. he's the whole :) is this your very last or do you recommend on having extra? it really is my first, and we def plan to have extra! best being pregnant symptom? drained!! Do you sense like time is passing sooo sluggish or fairly quick? First trimester flew by employing, now this is going by employing sluggish .. :) xx

Answer 9

Save your sister. Your parents are old enough to make decisions, good or bad. Don't let them pull you down with their problems.

Answer 10

You're 32, live your life and your parents live theirs. You're not a kid anymore so stop being so dramatic, you're all adults and these are decisions adults must deal with.

You might consider that It's not fair of you to want them to live miserably together as a married couple.