14 weeks pregnant. Husband angry--doesn't want 2nd child. He's says I'm responsible for his unhappiness.

Question

My husband still doesn't want our second baby. He's afraid the first won't have the same opportunities he had now that we have to provide for two--public school, rather than private, fewer extra-curricular things, etc. Part of me understands his concern, but I really want our son to have a sibling. I love my son and want the best for him. I hope I haven't made the wrong choice. My husband keeps saying I don't deserve his kisses or hugs and that I'm responsible for his being unhappy.

Answer 1

Being an only child is a lonely position to be in. Especially when you get older. Your first child will never have to be alone in the world should anything ever happen to you and your husband. Love is the most important thing a parent can give a child and that can't be bought anywhere. Your husband is being stupid and immature. He did make love with you didn't he? I have 3 sons and all take part in extra curricular activities and all have confidence and great personalities. They attend public school. Their cousin is an only child goes to private school and has everything money could buy and he is the lonliest child I have ever seen. He asks to come to my home all the time and tells me how he wishes he could live with us instead.
Divorce your husband he is a loser with a capital LLLLLLLLLLL.

Answer 2

Why wasn't your husband thinking of protection if he didn't want the second child? It does take two. While yes you may be giving up some luxuries for your first child you are also giving him new opportunities such as having a sibling which I'm sure is a wonderful experience. Tough at times but still a wonder gift. I myself am an only child and to tell the truth it was quite lonely. I didn't have many kids in my neighborhood and no siblings therfore no one to really play with; I wish I had had a sibling. This is no reason for your husband to withhold emotional support from you or to make you feel like this is all your fault. You haven't made the wrong choice, the choice was both of yours and if he's mad then he only has himself to blame. Someone who doesn't want kids should cover up when they lie down to bed at night.

Answer 3

It sounds like neither of your kids were planned.

Yeah, if my wife decided to move on having a child without my input I would get pretty pissed too.

I predict a divorce in your future unfortunately. At best you might be able to solve the issue with a marriage shrink. But from your post it doesn't sound like either is thinking that much. You won't back down on having a child and he in turn doesn't want another.

time, money, emotion. Kids need all three. Nowhere in that order does it state more kids is necessary to create time, money or emotion.

We have a couple of kids, all planned. Why did we plan? So it didn't feel like our entire lives had been overrun with little humans running around the house. Pooing, disturbing sleep, messing up the place. Basically kids are little check writting machines. They are fun, but time and money are needed to create kids of quality.

If you haven't got time or money, quality is going to suffer. I'm guessing your current kid is under four, or doesn't get homework yet. Basically the no responsibility stage, everything is running on auto pilot and all you do is spend money on food or clothes.

Something different is going to happen. You are going to realise one thing very soon. You are going to have to put a bit more effort into raising that kid because all of us expect him to be a functioning member of society in a very short time (less than 15 years?). You will be doing all that homework you hated in school again. Why, because the education system sucks and you are going to have to pick up where they fail.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear your husband does not understand the end of marriage. It's children. If he didn't want any he should not have gotten married and if he told you in advance you should not have married him.

Now the children suffer and they are who I feel sorry for. What ever you do don't murder your unborn child with an abortion. Its absolutely evil and so is your husband if he asks you to do this. If he does what would you rather live with? A baby killer or a life you bring into the world?

Answer 5

First of all the only one responcible for your husbands happiness is him. Second children are a blessing they don't care if you can send them to the best school or best clothes. Yea sometimes they do when they are teenagers, but seriously there are ways you can provide for both.
My mom was a single mother of 4. My dad walked out. I didn't have the best anything. My brothers and sister did, but I helped my mom raise our family, but it's going to be what you teach your children and how you raise them.
There is nothing wrong with a public eduation and there is nothing wrong if they can't participate in every activity. My best memories of my mom are when she was actually home to spend time with us b/c she was so busy working her you know off for us to have a roof over our head and food in our bellies.
I am not going to tell you it's going to be easy, but believe me now that I am old I realized what my mom gave up for us and I love her more for it and it has taught me so much about who I am and who I want to be.
My mom gave me life she also taught me how to appreciate it.
Be good to your children, show that you love them more than anything and the rest won't matter. All that really matters to a child is that they are loved.
Good luck to you. I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 6

Well now isn't that ridiculous. For one thing it takes 2 to get pregnant and nothing except total abstinence is 100% so he should have a vasectomy and then he would not have to worry. The second thing that people should learn is that YOU and only YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Happiness comes from inside ourselves and not from others.

Answer 7

Excuse me - wow you husband needs to face reality. He contributed - you just can't withdraw your deposit without consequences. That could be more destructive to his unhappiness than having a second child. Good luck and hang in there - it is better to have a sibling - I wish I had one.

Answer 8

sounds like your husband needs to grow up. it's not like you can give the second kid back now. don't worry about finding a way to provide extra curricular activities, you'll manage.

PS, if your husband doesn't want any more kids, tell him about this little thing call a vasectomy. if you start talking about cutting away at his manhood, i bet he shuts up quick.

Answer 9

I've had several friends that went to private schools and they turn out just as any kid that went to a public school (some bad,some good).Your husband seems like a very materialistic man.If I were you I would be watching his every move.He sounds suspicious to me.

Answer 10

Your husband is a bastard for saying such things to his pregnant wife. If he did not want anymore kids, he should have made sure that did not happen. Condoms or a vasectomy. He is half responsible.