Does anyone deal with an alchoholic spouse? If so how?

Answer 1

My husband is what you call a functional alcoholic. His philosophy is he works hard and plays hard. I dont agree with it but it is his choice. I accept it because it is not my job to fix him. If the alocoholism succeeded over the many pros of why our realtionship works then I wouldnt be with him. Sometimes it's difficult but for the most part he keeps it in check. Now that is not to say the same for you. I know that every situation is different. And some people would even so I was enabling the situation. But the way I look at it is this. The world is a very hard place. Some of us take it harder than others and can cope with the pressures in more functional ways. And then there are those who need alcohol, pot, prozac, zanax, you name it. But it is not for me to judge because I dont. Would I like to change it absolutely. But I no more have the power than you do. The only power you have is free will. You must decide if it's worth it. If your husband provisdes for you financially. Helps you emotionally and does not physically abuse you then the good may outweigh the bad. BUt if not then you may have some choices to consider.

Answer 2

You can't "deal" with an alchoholic spouse. I tried for over 20 years. The result: two beautiful daughters, 20 years of verbal and mental abuse, and divorce. After many years of alchoholism, and mental and physical breakdowns, my ex husband came to the realization that he either had to take control of his alchoholism or die. He chose to take control. He began attending AA, moved in with his mother who gave him the tough love and support he required, and became a recovering alchoholic.

My ex died a few months ago at the age of 68, leaving two beautiful daughters and his third wife to mourn for him. He had developed respiratory problems, heart problems, and was diabetic. Do I believe alchoholism contributed to his death? Yes. Do I believe I could have stopped his drinking? No. He chose to do that himself.

Is there help for the spouse and/or children of an alchoholic? Yes. AL-ANON. There is also AL-ATEEN.

Find the nearest chapter and get there as quickly as you can.

Answer 3

wow Martha.

Having been in the entertainment business my entire life, I've had so many friends who were alcoholics and drug abusers.

I am sorry to say that in every case I have personally seen, the marriage in place when the alcoholism is "discovered" has ended.

Alcoholism takes several different forms though. My friends almost without exception fall into the "Selfish" category, that is they think only of themselves, their desires, their wants, their needs. They drink because they enjoy it, and after all why shouldn't they if it makes them feel good? They never give a thought to their spouses, children, friends, or other loved ones and how their drunkeness affects THEM. They're just too damn self-absorbed for it to cross their mind.

One of them told me after receiving his 5-year AA chip, "My alcoholism wasn't about the alcohol. It was about ME. I'm selfish."

If you think this describes your husband then I'm very sorry. If you hope to help him, it's going to take years, and you're probably going to have to end THIS relationship. If he gets sober and deals with it, then perhaps you two can make a new relationship together. That would be a work of sheer beauty.

What a difficult road. One of the hardest. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

My spouse is alcoholic and I have been sober for 12 years. Because I have been where he is I am able to "understand" what he is going through. I am able to "see myself" in him. However, I have let him know, I have "boundaries" that he nor anyone else can cross because I love me more than I will ever love him. He goes out on his "binges", however, I let him know that I WILL NOT enable him (make excuses) nor will I get him out of whatever trouble he may get into. Those are his consequences, not mine.

I realize that I love the person not the "disease" and he is a good person. However, while I can separate the two, if it ever gets down to a choice between my love for him and my love for me. I choose ME.

Al anon is good. I know he has a problem and it's his not mine.

Answer 5

If he is abusing you, LEAVE. There are safe houses for battered women and there are hot lines listed. If you want to stay you need to get help, such as counseling. go to open AA meetings, alanon, you need emotional support and these places will give it to you. There are also co-dependent meetings. When you live with an addicted person you become sick and sometimes don't realize it until you go to a counselor. You may say, he's the alcoholic , why do I need help?? Because you live with it and it changes everything in your life. God bless you and my heart goes out to you. Been there, done that and it is very hard.

Answer 6

I am divorcing a alcoholic spouse after 11 years, she got a extreme DUI and caused us alot of pain and suffering, not to include thousands in fine, she lost her license for a year also,

my advise,, GET OUT, there are tons of people out there,,
I still love the lush but know I will be better off down the road,, she has fallen and split open her nose needing plastic surgery, ,fell down countless times so drunk she couldnt walk,

Answer 7

well i know it might not be the same but i deal with a alcoholic parent and it is mentally and physically a lot to handle she will spend her last or bill money food etc. on liquor she hurts everybody she comes in contact with under the influence anyway when sober shes a different person i think the best thing to do is to try and get him help if you love him enough to stay before it gets worse.

Answer 8

if there is physical abuse involved leave as soon as possible. Other than that i did what my mother did and sure as poop its working. I gave him a chose. Me and the kids or alcohal. i let him now that if and when he decides to get help i will support him. But untill he does it was not a safe and healthy way of living for any one. Also, you and your family members should attend meetings for support. Remember it sometimes takes a couple of times before sobriety sticks.

Answer 9

Get away, the person and any relationship with the person will be toxic. If the spouse is seriously prepared to get help support them, if not leave.

Answer 10

i left. he wasn't abusive, but he was drinking the money up and I had babies to raise. He would come home from work drunk, he would run to the store and come home drunk. I found him so repulsive when he drank, that we didn't have a relationship anymore. Tried talking and talking, but when I couldn't afford to buy my babies milk...I left. ... I know that every situation is different, but they are choosing the alcohol over their family and that isn't right..