Should i stay?

Question

im 24, i have 2kids, have been with their father for 7 yrs, right now we are living apart from one another He phones me all the time wonderig what i have been doing who i have been talking to and when i tell him, he doesnt belive me, i know he hasnt been faithful to me in the past and i have never been with anyone else in the past 7 yearsHe just cant get that through his head. Its making me crazy. he phones in the middle of the night and i think its just to see if im with anyone or on the phone or on the computer. he has asked me to disconnnect the interent so that i wont try to find anyone else, and al of this time he hasnt paid me one penny in child support(we hv ben aprt 4 2 mnths) but i have spent over $500 helping him, and i know its easy for you ppl to say hes no good, and to leave him, but its not that easy cuz i would have done it already if it was. we have kids, and a long history 2gether is there anything u can think of tht i can do to chnge what he thinks of me? anyone??

Answer 1

first, you shouldn't stay for obvious reasons.

Wether you try and find someone new is on you.
But you gotta realize that this guy may he be the love of your life, he is holding you back and holding you down. He is stuck in a comfort zone and you are that comfort zone. You on the other hand have goals, dreams and ambition. Especially at 24 you still have alot going for you, kids or not.

Me im 23 almost 24 with two kids, been with my man for almost 4 years and for awhile there he was holding me back and holding me down. not able to keep a job, popping up at my work random trying to catch me doing something with someone else. argueing about stupid s*hit. And i had enough. i told him that i don't like the way i am when im with you and i want so many things, go back to school better job, to better myself for my kids. And i told him that i don't need this and you know what i dont HAVE to have it this way. if by not being with you makes me happier then thats what i got to do, i mean i love him and thats not the ploblem but the way he treats me.

In the end we are still together, he shaped up, there still is an acationsal pop up or asking if im cheating but i can live with that. he is less angry and more loving.

So you see witch ever you choose, let him know exactly what you feel and wether it means anything to him, his actions will show you,and if not you need to cut your losses and live your life.

You will never become who you want to be by remaining who you are.

good luck

Answer 2

Here is a list of things you can do:
1. Don't be live whatever he says
2. Phone him up in the middle of the night.
3. Ask him to disconnect his Internet connection.
4. Use the small claims court to make him pay for the kids.
5. Use the small claims court to get back the 500 dollars you spent on him.
6. Get counsel ling both of you!

Answer 3

First, stop letting him think he can control you. When he suggests something as outrageous as disconnecting your internet tell him flat out NO! If he doesn't trust you he has serious insecurity issues.

So what you have kids together? Is it a healthy loving environment for them or are the two of you always fighting and - oh - moving out on one another. Do the kids a favor and move on.

Ask yourself this, can you live with this for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then why bother to waste one more minute of your life on this relationship?

Answer 4

U should really consider the picture of whats going on...Step out of that situation for a min. If this was all happening to your friend what would you say to her? See people always think they can change their partners. When in fact they cant. They think they can but in the end your heart has so much regreat and remorse but by that time its too late to fix "the problem". Im not saying that their isnt someone out there that can infact change. Im sure it happens. but its pretty clear that this man is a bit controling and i do know what you feel like. Its not a good situation to get into. You shouldnt have to disconnect the internet. If hes that worried about it, maybe he has something to hide? You know you are doing nothing wrong why should you have to prove that to him if hes the one thats so insecure? Hes the only that has cheated and you owe him nothing. Not to mention he hasnt helped with the kids in how long? I mean c'mon think about all of the things that have happened? He calls and wants to check on you wants to know who you are talking to and blah blah blah. I know when you have a past its so hard to walk away from. And then of course theirs the kids. Do you think they deserve someone that isnt living in the same house? That isnt helping support them? That is suppost to love their mother yet is so insecure? Trust me no matter how much of a past you have with someone, time heals a broken heart. You know in your heart if you are truly happy, For once think of yourself. Think of all the things you do, and would like to do. Dont you deserve that? The worse thing about being married for 7 years, is being married for 7 years and a day...thats what Dr. Phil says. I mean yes there is help out there and things that might work if you dont want to give up. Sit him down and talk to him, explain yourself and tell him your EVERY thought and problem and hope he tells you all of his, and after the talking is, Think of everything that was said. and your heart will tell you if its honestly worth it depending on how you feel after the "talk". Goodluck and get back to me if you need someone to talk to, ive been there and done that.

Answer 5

You say your kids need him, but he's not even there! And he doesn't provide $ support OR emotional...yet you give $ to HIM! Sorry, but if he showed the slightest sign of wanting to work it out...(which he doesn't) and if his behavior weren't so horrible, I'd advise staying 'til the kids are older, but in your case, I'd leave. What, exactly, is this loser giving you? Nothing but grief! Get out now, for your sake AND the kids! They don't need a "father" like that. I'd also get a restraining order to stop his harrassment of you. This guy is only thinking of himself...nothing YOU can do will change that!

Answer 6

Your are enabling him by not telling him you two aren't together and not to worry about what your doing. Now listen, if you WANT to be with him then by all means get back with him and deal with what goes on, but I think you really don't want that or you wouldn't be seperated right now. The only way to get him to stop is to stand up to him and tell him you will do whatever you want and with whomever you want. You are no longer his conceren. And for Pete's sake please don't give him anymore money. Girl you have to take care of yourself and your kids.

Answer 7

You guys are separated for a reason. HE should care more about supporting his kids and less about what YOUR doing. YOU shouldnt use money that can and should be used on your kids to help someone whose priorities are MESSED up. Having kids and history with someone is NOT a reason to stay together. You need to do whats best for your children and that may NOT mean stay with daddy JUST because he is daddy.

Answer 8

I think you need to save your money, hire an attorney and divorce his *** and have him start coughing up child support for your children. You don't need to stay in such a crappy relationship just because you have invested so much time into it....If you have done nothing to cause him to not trust you then you have nothing you need to change... SCREW HIM! You will not change him and you should quit trying to do so. Live you life for yourself and your children not for some controlling lazy SOB.

Answer 9

You will not change him. Let him go. Anyone who is trying to control simple things like whether you have internet access is not worth having around. Take a deep breath and think about this rationally.

Answer 10

Right now, you say you are living apart--keep it that way honey. You spent over $500. helping him. You are better off giving the money to charity.