SILENT PAIN
I can still see her prim and prompt,
She always was so presentable,
Said her father.
I can still see her tall and graceful,
She always was so beautiful,
Said her friend.
I can still see her praying in the pew,
She always was so devoted,
Said her priest.
I can still see her smiling down,
She always was so gentle,
Said the flowers of her garden.
I can still see her stretching arms,
She always was an early bird,
Said the sun.
I can still hear her pleasant voice,
She always was a good singer,
Said the wind.
When all was said
Or so they thought,
I can still see the pain in her eyes,
She always was a performer
Said a little kid,
And the world fell silent in shame.
2006-09-15 07:04:24 · 15 answers · asked by spicyflash 1 in Games & Recreation ➔ Hobbies & Crafts
"I can still see the pain in her eyes,
She always was a performer
Said a little kid"
So she 'performed' an act of being happy all those times?
It's a decent idea, and you carried it out pretty well. Lyrically the structure seems to work... however it's nothing amazing. Perhaps try to come up with an original way of describing one of those beginning stanzas with imagery.
I have plenty of lyrics of my own that I'd love to share with anyone who wants to see them, just email me :)
2006-09-15 07:14:59 · answer #1 · answered by kenny_the_bomb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eye-opener for parents…you can fool your father, your friends, the priest, the elements too. But you can’t bullshit little children. They are God’s little Angels and can see right through you.
2006-09-15 15:33:02 · answer #2 · answered by the Tramp 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice. It starts out a bit choppy but it smooths out towards the end.
2006-09-15 14:12:52 · answer #3 · answered by Pam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not like it. Who doesn't have silent pain?? The only people who do not are the "pity Me's"who feel compelled to air their dirty laundry for all to see.
2006-09-15 14:08:36 · answer #4 · answered by Dyma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could be a little more grammatically varied, but otherwise good.
2006-09-15 14:12:55 · answer #5 · answered by ac_arrowsmitheye 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's sad does it have a meaning?
slomien@yahoo.com
2006-09-15 19:24:22 · answer #6 · answered by sabine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very boring.
2006-09-15 14:21:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOKkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk (it's OK. I don't like it so much)
2006-09-16 00:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by Raven 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I LIKE IT IT IS SAD AND THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND OF POEMS.
2006-09-15 14:43:29 · answer #9 · answered by CHERYL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lovely...
Dina feels it.
2006-09-15 15:47:03 · answer #10 · answered by dina 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋