We each have a child, mine is a teen his is a preschooler. He talks about the future "when we're married" but hasn't proposed. I feel taken for granted when he does this. We have friends who have not known each other as long as us, and they are getting married! I am not looking for a wedding date, but I would like to know if we will ever be married or not. I told him that I will not live with a guy again unless I am married. I have stopped staying over as much hoping he will realize that I could be gone someday. He has been divorced so I know he has some commitment fears. I just don't know what to do. I love him and want to be with him, but my last relationship went on for 15 years with no marriage. I feel like I deserve stability.
2006-09-15 06:45:23 · 15 answers · asked by just waiting 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're right, you do deserve stability and a commitment. I would have one last chat with him. Ask him where his heart is, tell him where yours is and what you would like. If he's not ready and you are you have options. You can continue on with patience. You can say that you desire to be married and if he isn't interested in getting married then the two of you will part ways. My experience is that if he isn't ready and I am, then nothing I do or say will get him ready NOW. I needed to decide if I wanted to stay and be content with the status quo, or move on to find someone who, like me was ready to be married.
2006-09-15 06:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all marriage is not stability!!!! A circle of metal on your finger and a piece of paper with your names on it really mean nothing when it comes down to feelings and fears and "forever". Stability doesn't just suddenly happen to you when you get married. It takes time and trust and communication. I know couples who have been together for over 10 yrs and have no plans on ever saying "I do". If marriage meant stability there wouldn't be divorce now would there???
Second if he talks about your married future it sounds to me like he has every intention of marrying you! Maybe next time he says that you should just say " you know, I'd love to be your wife, maybe we should talk about it?".
Third, not living with a man just because your not married to him really isn't gonna make any difference. Either way you could get hurt or end up married and happily ever after. I personally will not even consider marrying a man I haven't lived with, to many unknowns!
In the end though....just do what feels right in your heart.
2006-09-15 06:57:46 · answer #2 · answered by christine a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, where do we start? As a male respondent I would first have to say "retaliation" won't bring him to the alter!
Secondly, I'm not asking you to publish your presonals however, should the case be, why would he buy the cow when the milk is free? No offense intended!
Why don't you quit beating around the bush and ask him straight up? If he back steps then you might consider other options like-There's more than one fish in the sea!
As for my personal opinion, I am married 31 years however, god forbid something changed that, I can honestly say marriage would most likely not be at the top of my priority list in the near future! I'm speaking as a 52 year old. Given you have 15 years prior and you describe your issues as on going with Mr. 2, I would say we can't be more than 10 years apart. Given that fact, you must have experienced life's up and downs to know where this guy may be coming from.
I would definitely step up to the plate and then move on in life! People who live in fantasy generally have many regrets later on in life!!!
2006-09-15 07:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just come out & have an open conversation with him. Tell him what you just told us. If your having problems communicating now - that wont make for a good partnership. Tell him your feelings. If you think he will not like what your saying - then maybe he's not really for you. You should be able to come forward and talk to him. This is the best way. None of us can tell you how he is feeling. You have to ask him. Tell him how you feel about him. But be prepared for not just a positive answer, but a negative answer - something you don't want to hear. You'll have to think about how you really feel about the situation - like what if he doesn't want the commitment - are you willing to still keep going the way you are going. If your having fun and he's not ready - you could just enjoy it for what it is. You have to make that decision and take the consequences for your choice. If he doesn't want to make a commitment or get married, you have to consider that as a possibility. Best thing for you to do , is to talk with him about it. You might be scared to talk to him in fear of hearing what you don't want to hear. Don't expect too much. If you get what you want - That's Great! , but if you don't - Just have to make the best of the situation
2006-09-15 06:59:58 · answer #4 · answered by yellow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone that's been hurt has "commitment issues," it's the law of self preservation. There must be some kind of commitment on some level or you wouldn't be seeing each other.
It sounds like he wants the benefits of a monogamous relationship without the foundation of marriage.
Have you said anything to him about how you really feel?
Or have you been gritting your teeth and smiling with the wrinkles in your forehead.
You can hope for, dream of, and wish on the things you want to happen in your life. Until you apply it to your own happiness
you'll be fantasizing forever.
As a human being you deserve to love and be loved, give and receive respect, and feel a firm foundation in your commitment to someone else.
Are you happy/ Or are you settling for a limited affection of a man to feel wanted and needed? Can you honestly say that you are at peace in this relationship? If not. You have to swallow hard and go forward. Who knows maybe he is hoping that you will engage him in conversation about the next level.
2006-09-15 06:56:03 · answer #5 · answered by prymtymgrnny 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do not prefer to panic after 2 wks. of engagement. before everything, do not anticipate him to be enthusiastic about the truthfully wedding ceremony "making plans". He maximum likely heavily isn't & in basic terms needs to entice close the position to ensue & what to placed on. it really is a guy difficulty. As for the engagement itself, maximum adult men don't sense the prefer to communicate about each and every ingredient of the marriage, the marriage, and the destiny (all interior an same day they recommend) because they recognize they have a life-time with you to form all of it out. provide it a even as. he's in basic terms letting all of it sink in too. females are very diverse of their theory procedure (and movements) than adult men are. so some distance because the ex-female friend, do not hardship about that! I easily have an same difficulty that i will spare you the information on. do not anticipate him to bypass shouting it from the roof tops to his ex. He has a baby which includes her and also you at the on the spot are going to be an eternal discern in that youngster's existence. provide him a even as to propertly cope which includes his difficulty. FYI, we've been engaged on the grounds that very last summer season and extremely few months in the past at his mom's memorial, his impressive chum said my ring and stated he had no theory we were getting married. He & my fiance were given in this again & forth substitute about that he thinks he informed him yet the different one would not save in concepts . . . blah blah. you need to giggle. they are in basic terms not stressed an same way we are.
2016-11-27 00:42:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him some time, but let him know that because of the past you are not willing to invest years into a relationship that isn't going anywhere. But then I think are you planning on having more children because if not, is there really a need for marriage?
2006-09-15 06:48:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you do deserve stability. everyone does. but if you really love this guy, it shouldn't really matter if you are married or not, it's about being with each other and being happy with each other. just talk to him i guess about your feelings and what you want to do and stuff. and if all else fails, it's not unheard of the women proposing to the man
2006-09-15 06:49:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably talking about the "future" so often because he is trying to hide his fear of commitment. Trying to make it look like he will survive it when he knows he needs to try and think about it seriously. It is the rest of his life, spend it with who you love for as long as possible.
-Mr Thunk-It
2006-09-15 06:50:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
gay people go thier whole lives in stable non married relationships. you have the privelege to marry and dont understand that. you should be happy with what you have. some people dont have the legal right to stability.
2006-09-15 06:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by the howdy poke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋