He is hurting me a lot we were suppose to get married end of october every thing was going so smooth. And now last night he said he is just not ready for commitment he needs some more time and he said may be by december he will be ready since some thing he is working on his business. Now we are on long distance. I was crying a lot and I was asking him why he does this to me because this is not the first time he is doing this and i been waiting for him waiting for him. Its really hurting me, Oh i am in so much pain write now please help me. When I fight with him he always try to leave me. Its not my fault why he keep changing his mind and he blames me for fight.
2006-09-15 05:42:29 · 33 answers · asked by ALMAS 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Thanks for all of you for your support and messages. Thank you for your concern.Please pray for me.
2006-09-15 09:37:08 · update #1
have u seen that movie "the Joy Luck Club"?
there this character, Rose (chinese), who marries a white guy. at first he loves her so much for her fire, intensity, her ability to stand up to people. but when they marry, all of a sudden she becomes this "dutiful" wife, doing whatever he wants, letting him treat her however he wants...and he loses respect for her. =T. that's the thing about Respect... if u don't have it for urself, how can u expect ur partner to?
look at it this way.. u are waiting and waiting... pretty much Allowing him to hurt you like this. yes you love him right? then WHY is he Not Appreciating it?? he is showing u, right here and now, that he is not willing or able to Appreciate and Accept your love... and that means you are giving it unconditionally, and he is "unsure"... about what? not about Your commitment..about HIS!! therefore, how long are u gonna wait? how long are u gonna let him treat u like this (like the character Rose), cuz the more u do, the more he's gonna lose respect for you, and not care about what YOU want, it's all about what he wants. that is not fair, and that is not a RELATIONSHIP.
the problem here is not you, it's him. the problem is not that there's no love, the problem is that one of u guys is not using that love to Commit, to Trust, to Grow, to Take care of each other. obviously u are doing ur best; u are waiting!!! u are allowing ur love to wash over ur pain, misery...! but have u ever realized that the man who is Right for you, would NEVER make u feel this way? he would do what is Good, Healthy, and Positive in the relationship, to help u become a Better Woman. what he is doing now, is detrimental to your Self Worth, ur Confidence.
so my suggestion is, to Build yourself up to be a strong, confident, happy, positive woman. make sure u are a wonderful girlfriend (i'm sure u already are). but ur not done yet! u gotta make sure your future husband is a strong, confident, happy, positive man, a wonderful boyfriend, someone who is Worth waiting for, and someone who WANTS to be only with you. if u can't get that commitment from him, let him go. u need to marry someone who WANTS to marry you, not someone who is unsure. and don't hate him, but just make sure u are a strong woman. either he will change, or he is gone. it is your love that is allowing him a Chance; but that doesn't mean ur going to wait around forever.
good luck.
2006-09-15 05:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I'm sorry you are going through this. Your story sounds very similar to mine, where he said he wasn't ready for a commitment at the last minute and started fighting with me and becoming distant.
What I learned was that it wasn't ME....he wasn't ready because he had found someone else and started cheating. These are the typical signs I'm sorry to say. You need to gather up some strength and self-confidence and leave him for once and for all. For him to leave you after each fight is ridiculous. This man (no man for that matter) is not worth the pain he is causing you.
Trust me, as soon as you move on he will be begging you to come back, since he sees that you are no longer under his control and desperate for him. But hopefuly by then you would have done some soul-searching and realized that you deserve better and you can move on to find a man who will truly love you.
2006-09-15 05:53:20 · answer #2 · answered by Destiny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh what a terrible situation for you to be in. It sounds like this has been so consuming and painful for you that it is probably the only thing you have focused on in a long time. Try to think of some other things that are important to you that are not letting you down right now (family, friends, hobbies, career), and think of some things that you want to obtain aside from this man becoming your husband (happiness, career goals, personal achievements, etc.). Gain your bearings and get some perspective on your life. First and foremost you have to look out for yourself. Ultimately, you just want to be happy. If this person is not going to allow you to be happy then it is in your best interest to move on. At the very least, by you entertaining the thought of moving on and putting some focus and energy in other aspects of your life, it may give him the jolt he needs to realize how much he wants you and has taken you for granted. Maybe he just feels like you will always be there, no matter if he is good to you or not. Show him you will not settle for the "not." Good luck!
2006-09-15 05:49:01 · answer #3 · answered by Sarah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok now its time for you to become strong and say enough is enough ,Just from what you say I feel he may be seeing someone else and holding onto you just in case .so what I would do is tell him you have decided to move on with your life ,because if he really loved you whats the problem """really""""" with him ????when 2 people are in love and want to spend there life together its no problem with the man ,so either he is married or cheating .Im sorry but you dont deserve this kind of pain and you said this is not the first time nor the last ,so why waste your life loving someone that doesnt know for sure how he feels or what he wants .I bet when ou look him in the eyes calm no fighting and say im moving on I want someone to love me the way I love .I promise you will see a change but dont sumitt to it make him wait until you do some checking to see what he is doing .ok I know you hurt but be strong this is your life he is playing with .men always want to hurt us good women ,I know been thru it many times .and until I became strong enough to say ok im in charge of my heart I kept getting hurt .Please do some searching to find the real reason he keeps putting it off ,no you are not to blame he is .Fights would not happen if he was honest with you and I think in your heart you know there is a reason behind this ,find it be strong ok .good luck I will be praying for yah ,BE STRONG !!!LEARN AND PRACTICE THESE WORDS NO MAN HURTS ME ANYMORE !!!and if its real love it is not so hard as what you are getting from him .
2006-09-15 07:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him at once (although the above suggestion about delaying it yourself could be therapeutic, I wouldn't trust him or marry him under any circumstances). He is lying to you about December, also, and business is not an excuse. You picked a real loser and deserve better. Don't waste any more of your life with him and your valuaable time, but learn from it and move on.
And don't ever have sex with any man before you're married. If you did, this could be your problem. Look for a man with good values. They're difficult to find and jerks are a dime a dozen. This is fatherly advice.
2006-09-15 05:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM SO SORRY, BUT THE BEST IS TO END THE RELATIONSHIP. MARRIAGE IS NOT THE END OF THE PROBLEMS, ONLY THE BEGINNING, SO IF YOU ARE IN PAIN NOW, JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE 4 MONTHS PREGNANT AND HE TELLS YOU HE IS NOT READY, UPS, HE MADE A MISTAKE MARRING YOU. HE WILL ALWAYS GOING TO HURT YOU.
NOW, NOBODY DIES OF HEART ACHE, IF ROMEO AND JULIET HAD WAITED A FEW MONTHS THEY TOO WOULD HAVE FIND LOVE AGAIN. SO BE STRONG, BECAUSE IT WILL FEEL LIKE YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, BUT YOU WILL NOT. I HAVE BEEN THERE, BUT PREGNANT, SO YOU CAN DO IT.
DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS AND MOVE BACK WITH MOM OR A FRIEND, GET DRUNK, LISTEN TO ALANISS MORRISET AND GLORIA GAYNOR MUSIC, A YEAR GOES BY QUICK, IS BETTER THAN A LIFETIME OF PAIN.
ALSO PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR PEACE IN YOUR MIND.
GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-15 05:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by Edith Avatar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOOK i know your in a lot of pain. why not turn the tables on him? TEll him thats a great idea. KIND of get lost dont call him let him call you.TEll him DECEMBER is a great idea after all maybe even april or may . IF he leaves you remember you were looking 4 someone when you found him.TRY not to be reachable(play hide+ seek). BRACE your self to move on. I went through a few toads before i found my prince.TRUST me he is stalling 4 a reason. Could there be some one else?
2006-09-15 05:49:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you known each other long? If not, maybe that's why he's not ready for a commitment to marriage. That's a big step FOR BOTH OF YOU. If you have known each other for some time and he's still not ready, he's dragging his feet for a reason.
You deserve better treatment than what you're getting. Take a LONG LONG look at this relationship. You may want to change your mind.
Best of luck to you.
2006-09-15 05:52:07 · answer #8 · answered by Juanitamarie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to what you wrote: 1. He is hurting me a lot. 2. He said he's is just not ready. 3. You've been waiting & waiting for him. 4. He's done this before. 5. He always tries to leave. 6. He keeps changing his mind. 7. He blames me.
By what you wrote, you already know he is not the one for you. He's not good for you, he's not nice to you. If your own husband isn't going to be nice to you, who on earth will? DON'T SETTLE. p.s. He will not change to be what you want. If you guys are very very young, it's going to take him ten years or more to be ready for marriage.
2006-09-15 05:46:33 · answer #9 · answered by gouldgirl2002 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to be the one to tell you this but it sounds like he is just playing with our emotions. Don't let him play you this way, if he has changed the date 2 times before he will probably never be ready to marry you.
Dump that little boy and don't talk to him anymore and give yourself time to heal from the big jerk and then find you a man who loves and respects you as much as you do him. There are men out there that are not out to play games.
You deserve the best life has to offer you and clearly this little boy is not it.
Good luck
2006-09-15 05:49:10 · answer #10 · answered by Joy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋