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My fiance and I live together-he works 3rd shift-I work 2nd-He got paid the nite before and I was going to the bank when I got up in the morning-he said there might be problems cashing the check because my last name is different-hes like let my mom do it-she has the same last name-people might think we're married-this makes me feel like such a failure every time he does this-he does not let me do things for him that i think fiance's should do-like balance the checkbook, go 2 the bank, do the laundry, do the taxes, make appointments or cook the meals-his mom does all this-i now know why he doesn't stand up for me-because he can't stand up for himself-this just pisses me off to no end-that she just comes over and does the banking herself, mind you, driving to the bank in his truck and not even asking him if she can use it-the lack of personal privacy and space in his family kills me-it also makes me uncomfortable-I hate his mom so much! Please give me some advice! Thank you!!!1

2006-09-15 05:36:04 · 23 answers · asked by SuzyBelle04 6 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

my fiance is a 23 year old mama's boy and I know he always compares me to her and I am sick of being on the level with her-I mean I want to be number 1, but not tied with his mother-and he knows about this and I feel she is not letting him grow in his relationship with me-I mean what is a normal age for a guy to grow the hell up and stand on his own 2 feet without crying to his mommy for everything-I think that some men are not meant ot get married or be in relationships-i have stood his mother so long and I feel like we're never getting married-yet at the same time I don't want that woman for a mother in-law-I feel like one day I am just going to snap and be like look lady, stop doing all the controlling stuff that you do-i mean she needs me to just tell her no-no one has ever done that before and I want to be that person-fiance might dump me-he said he would if his parents started having probs w/ me-i was like wow its nice 2 kno that you are totally devoted to me! yeah right!

2006-09-15 05:39:51 · update #1

23 answers

Suzy, do not marry this guy. He is a big time "MOMMA'S BOY"! The situation that you are going through now is only a glimpse of your future with this man (and his momma!). You said yourself, he can't stand up for himself!! He will never stand up to momma, he can't bare to. Face it, you are the other woman and he is already married to his momma. There is no way that a grown a (a*ss) man should be letting his mother cash his checks, do his laundry, and cook for him if he has a woman! Girl, the best advice that I have for you is "DUMP THIS MAN-CHILD!" Think of your children, will he be setting a good example to them? Do the right thing! Peace.

2006-09-15 05:45:38 · answer #1 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 1 0

Calling him your fiance should make him feel proud when he isn't or doesn't seem to be mature enough to take control of his situation.

What a way to start of a potential marriage with big big problems going in.

Now, you will have to make a choice if this situation doesn't get under control before your marriage.

You and him should be grown enough to handle your own affairs depending on your age without his mother running the show starring you both.

If you think marrying him will erase the problem, think again because unless he tells his mother to cut the apron strings and stop him for pulling on them yelling mommy mommy. You will be heading in for some very serious marital problems and you should be able to figure this out going in.

Do something that is free, communicate with him on a very serious way to let him know how you are beginning to feel.

2006-09-15 05:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by words from the heart 3 · 0 0

I could say leave him. but you dont want to hear that.
First of all ask yourself what kind of family do you have? Or you close knit or are you very distant to each other. This may be why you dont understand his actions. Face it until you have that ring on your fineger the way his family see's it your the outsider. Its not his family that needs to change. But he does. If he loves you and generally cares for you then he would emphasise to his family the importance of that. If he isnt then maybe he hasnt recognized the importance. It sounds like he is extremely co dependent on his mother, and is in fear of having faith in you. Im sure this is an example of brainwashing from his own mother, but it still does not change the situation. I would address it with him and with his mother. Maybe there not aware of what they feel is normal behavior is actually causing you a great deal of hurt and apprehesiveness. If after revealing your true feelings they dont respect them enough to change the behavior. Then my dear I think you already have your answer. This will not go away or get any better. And it will be something that eventually creeps it's way through with a damaging hand that results in divorce. In the meantime you are a young woman who is wasting her time by not being honest. Get it all out everything. Then see what happens. Eventually in time you will loose respect for your man, and if you dont watch out you may loose respect for the person that matter s most yourself!!! I wish you well in your decision

2006-09-15 05:53:37 · answer #3 · answered by fryedaddy 3 · 0 0

I don't think you should hate his mom for what she is doing for her son. Some mothers just don't want to let go. You need to have a sit down talk with her and let her know how you feel. Tell her you are ready to take over the responsibilities of the house. Or next time she goes to the bank let her know you want to go along so the people at the bank can meet you and next time you can do it on your own. As for cooking, let her know ahead of time that you will be cooking that night, because you want to try a new recipe. Stand up take control even if he wont. And let him know that you will be the women around the house. good luck

2006-09-15 05:46:19 · answer #4 · answered by sheila s 1 · 0 0

Talk to him or get rid of him. That sounds crappy but.... When you get to a certain age you need to cut the apron strings no matter how hard it is. And if he can't do this then where exactly are you gonna fit into his life as a wife and mother? There is no reason why you cannot do all of those duties for him. I mean depositing his check and or cashing it is no big deal at least for some banks. And maybe because of the shift differential he should get direct deposit. I did!!!!!!! And if you live with him and gonna get married it is your right as his "partner" to know how and where the household are going!

2006-09-15 05:42:53 · answer #5 · answered by jasmine b 2 · 1 0

that's a disaster waiting to happen! have confidence me, i've got been there and be responsive to various of others who've additionally been in that concern. if your fiance won't face as much as her for you presently, he won't in any respect do it! I used to have an greater half's mom that would get drunk, cuss and say terrible issues to me interior the path of the evening, all evening, at the same time as i'm attempting to calm 2 crying toddlers and my ex, her son, might basically turn over, face the wall and not in any respect shield me. It basically have been given worse and worse till the subsequent project I knew, no longer in straightforward terms his mom yet additionally his father and he have been all ganging up on me. restoration this earlier you get married. be sure you notice some substantial variations on your fiance or do no longer conflict via with it. i'm intense in this one. it is not a competent project to get into. It does not paintings because of the fact the "guy" (and that i take advantage of the term loosely) loves the attention he gets from his mom and that bond is amazingly very complicated to break.

2016-11-07 09:36:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

well let me say this, I am seperated from my wife of 12 years because of my mother in law, we moved in with her and she took over as the head of the household after making all these promises of how it was going to be if we sold our house and came to live with her, my wife became more like a daugher again than a wife and supported her mother at every turn. She made decisions with her mother instead of me and told me I was stupid and an idoit when I disagreed with the decision. I had to leave the situation it was so bad, and now my wife and mom in law are turning my kids against me. Be really careful here...blood is thicker than water and I learned that the hard way, they are living in the brand new addition I built onto my mom in law house while I live in an apartment I can barely afford and my wife is just going on with her mother like she does not even miss me. You need to really think carefully here and make sure you can deal with it, I know exactly how you feel and now I have lost a 12 year marriage and my kids.

2006-09-15 05:45:05 · answer #7 · answered by jbrown280000 1 · 1 0

I'm afraid you are in a bad situation. It's unlikely that your fiance is going to change his behavior patterns. I've had to argue with mine a few times about his mother so I understand. You need to make it clear to him that you feel you should be number one. Tell him you put him first so he should do you the same courtesy. I don't know if this will help.

Sounds like he needs to let go of mom and she needs to let go of him. I recommend relationship counciling. It's not going to get better until he understands that he has to stand up for himself.

Good luck hun but I don't think it's going to change without some professional help.

2006-09-15 05:45:33 · answer #8 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0 0

If you are unhappy now - what do you think will happen once you are married? If your future mom-in-law doesn't respect your privacy, and insists upon intruding on your personal matters - it will continue indefinitely unless she either kicks the bucket, or mama's boy puts a stop to it (which he has already proven to you that he won't). I think you know already that people like this don't suddenly change. Move on - unless you want the stress to send you on a one-way trip to the looney bin.

2006-09-15 06:25:27 · answer #9 · answered by oscarschic 3 · 0 0

Get out now before it's too late. Once a Ma ma's boy , always a Mama's boy. And it will get worse after your married. Then when the kids come along . she'll put a wedge between you and your kids too. You need a real man , not a Mommy's boy. Remember when you marry someone, you are also marrying their family.

2006-09-15 05:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by jassy 3 · 1 0

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