My neice (16 years old) is having a very difficult time accepting her fathers girlfriend. This women used to be a close friend of the family and now she is my neices dad's main squeeze. Her dad and my sister have been divorced for 2 years, it's not as though the girlfriend had anything to do with the divorce. My neice has always been extremely close to her dad and is extremely jealous of the girlfriend. My X-brother in law is a great dad and I feel terrible that she is making his new relationship difficult for him. More important, my neice is miserable and I don't know how to help her. Any suggestions on how to deal with this issue? Any books, web sites or info. on this topic? PLEASE, SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY!!!!!
2006-09-15 05:35:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are a good & fair aunt. Your niece will have to accept that her father is no longer with her mother & has moved on with his life. Question, what does your sister say about her behavior. Is she encouraging it or is she telling her "that ship has sailed, they are still both her parents & they still love her the same...so get over it?" It's amazing the power & influence we moms have...beit positive or negative.
If your niece is causing problems for her dad's relationship, she needs to be "called on it" because it's not fair & she needs to get her some 16-year business & leave the grown folks alone.
Is dad flaunting the girlfriend in her face? If not, then again, get over it. One option (mainly for his peace of mind) is to not try to force the relationship between "baby-girl" & girlfriend. Keep them separated (at least until there's some maturity on you neice's part) & don't easily fall for baby girl's antics. It's very hard for fathers to do with their girls.
It's about tough love, commanding respect & remembering who the adults are in the situation.
Good Luck.
2006-09-15 06:50:45 · answer #1 · answered by Glo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand her point of view. I'm in a similar situation, the main difference being that I'm grown up and out of the house and have been for several years. My father has a new girlfriend that he is very enamoured with, I don't personally like her very much but the reasons aren't important.
Your neice may never accept this 'interloper' in her life. It's probably hard that your neice always saw this woman as a friend of the family and now that her parents are divorced she may be thinking. "This woman was never a friend, she went after my dad like a shark the minute she got a chance." She probably feels betrayed and I understand why. I think your neice needs to have a heart to heart with her father...WITHOUT the girlfriend present.
2006-09-15 05:51:24 · answer #2 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way to handle this situation is for the niece to become close with the girlfriend/fiance? Girlfriends dont get as much respect as a 'fiance' or stepmom. Teens feel they (gf/bf) are temporary in their parents' life.
At this point, acceptance is going to have to be two way. Get the girls over for tea/lunch and a stroll at the mall or beach or something relaxing to break the ice between them. Suggest that they do regular get togethers. These two ladies need to bond it seems. Good luck.
2006-09-15 06:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say what he should do. Many questions do come to mind. Why did the parents divorce? Your niece is 16, hard age. Her family has been split up. I think he needs to wait until his daughter has finished highschool and is a legal adult before expecting her to accept a woman that is not her mother. She didn't ask for the divorce, or a new mother. Does this new woman have children?
2006-09-15 07:29:43 · answer #4 · answered by kelliem926 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a difficult situation... =T.
let me tell u something.... my parents divorced when i was 5. because i had a good relationship w/ my mom And dad, i didn't understand why they kept fighting. i was extremely hurt when my dad moved out...and i used to tell my mom she can NEVER get married...! i prayed EVERY NIGHT that they would get back together; i remember praying that i would give up my toys, or "be a better daughter" if God brought them back together. can u believe it?? =T.... anyways, no they never got back together. and when i grew older, i realized that my dad was just NOT a family man. he doesn't know how to take care of his wife, children, in a healthy, positive manner. he had no respect for my mother, and he treated my older sister miserably. i was lucky; as the younger one, for some reason he was wonderful to me...
anyways, long story short...i don't think i would have been very mature, or able to understand if my mother had started dating other guys!!! NOW that i'm older, i realize that she is extremely lonely, and i WISH she was dating. but she hasn't dated anyone, i dunno, for like 10 years!!! how lonely is she u know? she depends on me to be her friend, and it's really hard. part of it is being selfish on ur niece's part, but part of it is understanding the hardships of relationships, and parents, and responsibilities, loyalty.. it's gonna take TIME.
i suggest that ur brother in law Make SURE he spends quality time alone w/ the daughter. to let her know that he's not choosing this new woman over the daughter, OR the ex wife.... he needs to do all he can to make her feel secure, safe, and that he has respect for the mother, even if they are divorced now. and if that means he has to take time out of his schedule from his new girlfriend to cater to his daughter, than he has to do it right now. its the most sensitive time for her.... and as long as he tries to make her understand, i think eventually she will appreciate that he IS trying! once they bond on their own, perhaps he can ask her if he can invite the girlfriend to come w/ them together to dinner. but he has to have an extremely strong trust in her father in order to accept this new person in his life.
good luck.. i hope all works out for them :)
2006-09-15 05:43:28 · answer #5 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She going to have to learn that life throws us curbs at any time and she will go through it as well.You can't always get what you want,her father is once again happy and needs to accept it,and your not going to find it in a book,you have to live it to understand it.Things like divorces are common in this day and time and what we as people can survive makes us stronger.Letting life play out will make her stronger as well.Accept it and live on.
2006-09-15 05:45:22 · answer #6 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a father of a 10 yr/old and dating is a tough thing:( im ready to give up. the father should spend lots of time with his child... if hes doing so then the child needs to be told that dads shouldnt have be single forever. if there is no reason for the chid to be unsupportive of the realtionship then the child needs to be put gently into her place.
2006-09-15 06:29:48 · answer #7 · answered by JUSTIN 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First thing he needs to make sure the daughter knows is that his feelings and relationship with her, his daughter, will never change. She will always be the daughter he loves.
The relationship with the other woman is something that brings joy to his life and she should want him to not be alone.
2006-09-15 05:39:33 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can not let her ruin this relationship. She needs to be made to understand that she is not going to control his life or happiness. He can make time for just him and his daughter but make it clear her bad behavior will not change his choice on who he wants in his life with.
2006-09-15 05:50:19 · answer #9 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋