Is the first year of marriage hard like everyone says?

Question

I dated my husband for 3 and a half years before we married. We have been married for two years.

Our first year of marriage was a breeze, and the second year was even easier.

Married life for us is actually easier than dating because his family respects our relationship more now that we are married (official).

I have a friend who knew her husband 6 months before they married, her first year of marriage was horrible.

She said adjusting to wife and husband roles were very difficult, and so is living with someone else that she is still learning stuff about.

Its actually still bad after 18 months of marriage and she wants a divorce.

Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, what do you think?

Was it the hardest for you?

Answer 1

The reason it was easier for you is because you guys actually dated him for more then a year...any RELATIONSHIP is hard after the first year when the inital lovey phase wears off. Your friend should have tried to date her husband as long as you have. I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years and we arent rushing marriage.

Answer 2

The first year was the most exciting and adventurous to say the least for us. So many variables come into this equation though today as many do live together and just make it legal by having a cerimony to make it official, when in reality most states already considered them common law married. Some times when room mates get married their is a shift in the reality of it all that a loss of interset, is encountered. The tiger is caged so to speak and there is no more pursuit. Saddly enough the old 4 killers rise up early in some marriages Money, Sex, Communication, Power and slaughter a marriage that is built on a weak foundation.
As one guy mentioned the Seven years hit his marriage, once again oddly enough the seven year itch is a very real issue with TOOOOOO many families. I`ve had it happen to me. No satisfaction it seems , no happiness, no more pursuit of the opposite gender, etc... It can bite you in the Butt if you are not strong in Faith and in a strong relationship. Todays society provides for a backup at all times , there is ALWAYS someone ready to take what you cant make happy or dont want. With this being the case so many just jump from bed to bed to car to woods to ,, well you get the idea, I think.
A good marriage coucelor before marriage can help point out areas of interest and help prepare both of you for the future and to help you decide if marriage is indeed what you are wanting.

Answer 3

Been through it all Jess. Step-parenting is probably the hardest part. Hell, parenting is difficult enough. Add too much alcohol to that and other issues...I could probably write back as much as your Q...won't though. 3 possibilities come to mind. 1. Assuming you and hubby can coordinate (peaceably) the time you'd like to share together alone, tension may lighten. After all, there are exes and grandparents, maybe even neighbors and friends to help with that. Finding time together to just 'chill' can do wonders for a marriage. Then again, having alone time for yourselves occasionally does wonders too. 2. The verbal abuse you describe may lead to physical abuse. Alcohol can really be a marriage buster. If hubby is nasty at you when he's sober...why did you marry him? If that nastiness only occurs when he's been drinking, it may be time to face it. 3. You can hang in there for the kid's sake while missing out on the best of life. Don't get me wrong. Life ain't no sweet peach. But, living in the unknown IS frightening. Cliched' yes....it sounds like a little marriage counseling wouldn't hurt.

Answer 4

You do the math. Just look at how long she knew her husband before she chose to marry him only 6 months, and you at least got to know your potential husband for several years getting to know his flaws, his ways, his temperament, his finances, his family values, and all the things that is necessary in knowing who your going to marry and spend the rest of your life with.

Now, what your friend got was because she married so soon after meeting the person, is that she started getting to know the person after she was married instead of before.

Now you can never know all about a person but marrying after 6 months, what did she expect.

It's not whether the first year of marriage is hard because your wasn't, it just people are not taking marriage seriously and jumping into it too soon and then later wondering why it hasn't work first of all, you didn't get to know the person you was with and a marriage shouldn't be where you get to know a person.

Then when you finally get to know the person, you discover your not compatible and you don't have the same values which will lead you to a potential divorce.

One of God gift to mankind is dating and you can get a lot from this gift because that's where you can get some of your valuable information about your partner or mate.

Answer 5

Since my husband and I didn't live together prior to getting married, it took maybe about 3-4 mos. of getting accustomed to having to see each other everyday. We fought frequently, but after the first 4 mos. it was better. We dated for about a year and a half prior to getting married, and now we are married for a year and half as well. We no longer fight like we did, and we are very happy.

I guess it depends on how well you get to know your partner. Some people rush into marriage because the feeling of being wanted or belonging to someone can be 'euphoric' even if they don't really take the time to know the values of the other person. I think money issues, long term and short term goals and how to raise kids are some of the few VERY IMPORTANT topics people need to discuss prior to getting married. I know two people who got married after knowing their partners in 6mos or less and never talked about these things, and guess what? Money and kids are always the two things they fight about.

Answer 6

I think it just depends on the type of person you married..If they treated you great when you were dating then that's the type of person you'll see after you get married..knowing all about their own background along with their family's is a smart idea before you marry.. usually some of their thoughts and actions are the same as their parents..So no I honestly dont think the first year being hard has anything to do with it..people dont change after a years time..
I have been married a year now..it was completely horrible and i reflect it back on our dating relationship..things are starting to get better now..but it's got nothing to do with just being married a year..usually if you marriage sucks it will still suck after the year..so im crossing my fingers..hopefully i didnt jinx it..

Answer 7

my first year sucked because we got married and had a baby right away big mistake!! (not the baby, the wedding) he was always gone to work and when he was home he was drunk. so obviously we're not together anymore but i think even in a stable relationship it can be very hard. the thing about marriage is that some people think that things will change once they are married, and this is never true. you marry who you marry, you get what you were dating, they don't change into new people just because of a ring, some vows and a piece of paper

Answer 8

Well me and my husband married after 1 yr and I was 8 months pregnant at the time. Our first year was great no problems and then going into our second yr things changed, we changed ourselves and it made things hard for our family. My husband(the typical male) was always worried about making his money to support us and focused more on that then his family. But now that I had another child he came around and we've worked hard on our marriage. We thought about getting a divorce a few times but why throw something away when you have children involved and you've worked so hard on it.

Answer 9

It depends. I think living together helps because you get to know the person on a day-to-day basis before taking that final step. But marriage does change the relationship. The first year of my previous marriage was very hard because we were such different people and we didn't know each other very well. Live and learn.

Answer 10

ok its not the hardest for some, we call them lucky, but it can get tense, like for instance if you lived a sheltered life with your parents and the first time you had a place of your own was when you were married, that can cause for life shock, and making that first year hell... my friend went through something that will eventually within another year will end in divorce... she makes more moey than her husband, and when they got their morgage and house and car, and everything, which was before they got marrried was in his name, and this mean when a divorce comes she has claim to nothing because even though she paid most of the bills everything is in his name, and that blows bigtime if you feel me, peace