I'm very close to my family, me, my parents and my siblings all have pretty good relationships. I'm the youngest. I'm engaged, getting married next fall. My family does not really care for my fiancee. I can't help but feel bothered by this. To me, their reasons aren't legitimate. It's things like, he doesn't like to play board games that much. He's quite, not as crazy and loud like we are. He's a good person, just doesn't really fit in with "us". Which is fine with me, I'm very happy and very much in love with him, so those little things shouldn't bother me. But they do! So my question is... When knowing who to marry or choosing someone to marry, does it really matter what your family thinks?
2006-09-15 05:01:17 · 33 answers · asked by itsme! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't live to please your family. If I had done that, I would be working as a boring engineer and married to a man who did the same.
What your family wants and what you want will clash at times, but you have to do what's right for YOU.
2006-09-15 05:02:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Opisites attract. Does your fiance like your family? He probably likes the closeness your family has because maybe he didn't have that with his family. You're the youngest so I know exactly how you feel. Your family is just use to you going along with what ever they say or do. They need to let you be an individual. It's not that your fiance doesn't like the things you guys do as a family. He's probably feeling the rejection that your family is giving him. You are going to have to talk to your family about this. They should embrace him, accept him, and give him time to adjust. Just because he's not like them doesn't mean he can't be apart of the family. They are sounding judgemental and they are being selfish by being more concerned with their own comfort rather than respecting your love for you boyfriend. Would they be more happy if you were marrying a deadbeat, with no job that runs with a gang and has every "hoodlum" stereo-type you can think of??? I think your fiance wants to be apart of your family, or else he wouldn't have proposed. He wants to learn how to enjoy family the way he sees yours. Help him, and tell your family to help him too. That's what family and love is all about.
2006-09-15 05:13:58 · answer #2 · answered by Kingdom_Queen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO absolutely not the only person he needs to fit into is you. your family will see him holidays and birthday and the like, you will see him every day. as far as these things bothering you they only bother you because you are the youngest and have been looking up to your family for support your whole life and now it is time to break away from the pack a little and go your own way. Take it from someone who is also the youngest and has been there before. by the way my anniversary of 7 years is coming in October :)
2006-09-15 05:08:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's funny how people's answer to this question changes in time. When I first started dating, my parents weren't even allowed to see my bf. They never got a say as to whom I was seeing, partly b/c my dad was very, very strict and never talked to any of the boys that came over (even friends!) After a while though I started to resent any guy who didn't make an effort to talk to my parents, especially my dad. They still don't get a say in who I date but it's become important that they liked him at least.
Family is important, your future husband is just as important. Look at it from this point of view: if someday you had a child and had a great relationship with this child but then they married someone who you can not relate to, would you not fear losing your relationship with your child? Your family is not trying to hurt you. They obviously love you very much and are worried about losing you. You obviously care about them very much too, that's why this upsets you. When people say that it's your happiness that counts in the end, don't forget that family, old and new, are a part of that happiness.
Talk with your parents, let them know that you love them and that they are important in your life but your new husband is important too. Then show them that you still want them to be a part of your life by visiting with your new husband. They love you, they will understand. Congratulations by the way!
2006-09-15 05:25:38 · answer #4 · answered by Iristine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're right, their reasons arent legitimate. those are just little things, u shouldnt be bothered by that.... i know family comes into the picture when deciding who to marry, they account for a significant part in the decision making process. but then again, they are only there to help you decide, not totally make the decision for you, besides they are not the ones who will be spending a lifetime with the man. although you should also put into consideration what they think... it may sound confusing, its natural to be confused when you're about to be wed! the decision is in your hands... as long as you both love each other and your relationship has a strong foundation, nothing can go wrong...
2006-09-15 05:13:36 · answer #5 · answered by cloud_9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What matters is if your family's attitude might cause splits or divisions: how these attitudes might make you all less happy overall. It's a matter of deciding what will ultimately make you happiest, and it hardly sounds like an issue that will destroy your lives. I'd go marry him if I were you.
However, you should also ask your family frankly why they don't take a liking to him. Have you spent most of your life living with your family- would your marriage be a change they wouldn't be bale to cope with? Are they unhappy about other things about him- not necessarily legitimate, perhaps total prejudice, in which case you need to confront them.
Answer their concerns, and if they don't sway put your fut down and tell them to respect your decision. Hopefully they'll realize how important it is for them to compromize.
2006-09-15 05:07:31 · answer #6 · answered by Jim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes and no. no because actually it's your heart that matter. and also your parents should know that your happy with him. yes, there could be some conflict between him and your family once your married. but he loves you and you love him back so sometimes family doesn't matter in this situatation don't you think? just don't let the situation leads to choosing. like him or the family. Try talking with your parents, tell them that you really love him and you really happy to be with him. and once you and him got a child. it will touch the heart of your parents and soften for him. because no parents can resist having a grandson.
hope i can helped you a bit.
2006-09-15 05:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by marav 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For what it's worth, I was the guy that my wife's family kind of kept at arms length because I didn't really "fit in". Now, 18 years and two kids later, out of my wife's 4 brothers (all older), 3 have been divorced, 2 of them multiple times. Her father now looks on me as fondly (if not more) than his own sons.
Your family simply does not have as much information to make a valid assessment of his character as you do.
2006-09-15 05:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to stick with your fiance. If there are huge differences in religion, money, sex drive, child-rearing philosophy, attitudes, and belief systems that would warrant a second look and certainly be cause to take a step back. But if it is over trivial things like you mentioned above, I'd suggest to my family that I really love him so I'd appreciate it if they'd be less critical and more open to getting to know him for my behalf. Congratulations on your engagement! (P.S.Make sure you guys go to pre-marital counseling. It'll save you a ton of head-aches and really set your relationship).
2006-09-15 05:05:39 · answer #9 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL - I am the youngest too. I think what is going on here is they are being a little (ok a lot) over-protective of the "baby". Been there lived it! I remember my husband being told you hurt our sister, you have all of us to deal with! Took a few years but now it's a big joke and things are going great! He even plays cards now!
If you love him, don't worry, your family will come around.
2006-09-15 05:04:09 · answer #10 · answered by CluelessOne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no you usually cant make everyone happy, but consider this, if you are very close with your family and will be spending a lot of time with them it can make things very awkward if your husband doesnt "fit in" as you say. how does your husband to be feel about it, is he willing to try and fit in when hanging out with your family? and even if he doesnt "fit in" with your family, can they at least be civil towards one another when its necessary. i know my husband and family didnt get along well at first but as time has went on theyve found things in common and now we can all have a great time together when were together. so to answer your last question, it does matter what your family thinks but what matters most is how you feel and that you are all willing to get along when its necessary.
2006-09-15 05:07:57 · answer #11 · answered by domsmom701 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋