I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now we live together, For 2 years i have been asking him to stop smoking pot, for many different reasons, for 1 I do not want to marry or have kids with a pot head, and also it makes him very nasty, it makes him lazy, he never wantsto be intimate with me, and life is just so blaa with him i feel like it makes him very selfish and i beleive it is because he is high all the time, so when i do try to talk to him he tells me to shut up all you do is compain, or he will keep telling me lies like ok im gonna quite and then he will smoke behind my back, he always has another excusse. not to mention i have told him numerous times that if this continues i am going to leave him i guess by now he thinks its a joke, dont you think if he really loved me he would make a sacrifise, but instead he tries to turn it around and tell me if i love him i will stay with him, i tried explaining to him that sometimes love isn't everything but he doesnt want to hear it.
2006-09-15 04:58:55 · 10 answers · asked by julie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is something you must ask yourself. How much are you willing to accept? Do you see this relationship going any further and forfilling some of your own needs. If not then I think the answer is obvious. Its very difficult sometimes to know when enough is enough. Only you will know. You will it flesh and bone, and it will hit you with a stillness that can be almost frightening without feeling fear. On the other hand if you love him and you feel that it is in your benefit to stay with him, then dont expect him to change. Loving someone is allowing them to grow as a person by experiencing the love of your acceptance. This means acceptance good or bad. He may be acting this way because it is his only way of coping and having control in his life. Now you and I see it differently, as Im sure anyone else would to. But when dealing with someone who has a dependence whether it be drugs alcohol or relationships they seem to alter the world with a different perception in order to justify their own actions. It may benefit you and your relationship to react differently. Tell him you dont agree with what he is doing but you love him and you cant change who he is. But when you become nasty and I start putting distance between us to protect myself, then dont claim ingnorance when this relationship has failed. I recognize right now I love you and I dont have the strength to walk away. But by dealing with this situation the way it is now I am going to acquire a great deal of strength that may eventually end with me leaving. I love you but I cannot save you from yourself. If you cant see what your doing, and dont have enough respect for yourself to make the difference in your life then no one will. And I refuse to be your scapegoat. You can walk this path if you like but you may find you walk it alone.. Tell him this and he wont know what to do.
Threats are just that threats. Be honest with your feelings and dont try to control him
2006-09-15 05:17:09 · answer #1 · answered by fryedaddy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice to you is to leave him and find someone else that is not addicted to anything. Yes, he is addicted to pot and from what you have said, he isn't going to stop for you. You said that he is lazy, rejects you intimately, and is verbally and emotionally abusive and has been that way for two years. Why are you still there? He may love you but he loves pot more, are you going to play second string to a plant? There are a lot of people out there go find one that will treat you right.
2006-09-15 12:12:50 · answer #2 · answered by David 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course he thinks your leaving is a joke....it's been two years and you haven't followed thru. It's not a matter of him loving you enough to quit. It's a matter of YOU loving yourself enough to raise your expectations. Why would you LIVE with a dope head and say you wouldn't marry or have children with him??? He's not going to change (he obviously has a problem).....you need to take a good look at where your life is heading. If he treats you badly and nothing changes.....this is also your future. Why would you settle for this? And PLEASE don't say you love him!!! It shows a real lack of self esteem from you to tolerate such bad behavior and call it "love". You need to leave before you end up pregnant, and have another life mixed into this mess. Good luck.
2006-09-15 12:06:43 · answer #3 · answered by wendy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's not going to stop for you, and he doesn't want to stop for him. Right now that's his priority, my 20 yr old son is the same way. He needs to grow up. I know you probably love him and want to be with him but the most important thing in his life is the weed. He's just going to keep lying to you. Leave him and move on. If you're supposed to be together it will happen. Don't put up with his lies about this, it just leads to other lies. You're worth more than that. You deserve better than that. I'm very proud to read someone wanting to be straight. Stick to your guns and don't settle for a drug addict!!!!! :-D
2006-09-15 12:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think he is ready to give up the pot, for you or any one else, it the moment, that is something he has to want to do. And in the mean time you should not have to be at that house, miserable, waiting for him to get his life together, you need a life also, so get your self, out of that house, work on you. You are responsible for your own happiness, no one else can make you happy as you, because you know what you like, want, and need.
2006-09-15 12:09:28 · answer #5 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best answer for you is to stop now with him. Your heading down the wrong road with this guy.
If you canot trust or believe him now, what makes you think you will ever be.
He is playing games with you and as long as he thinks you wont leave he will keep it up. Make up your mind that you possibly are doing nothing more by enabling him by staying with him'
Your not going to have a happy realtionship if you continue the course you have been going. Your the one that has to make the final decesion, but I hope that you choose to gt out of the realtionship NOW>
2006-09-15 12:15:06 · answer #6 · answered by apostle1938 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've read the responses above and they are all good advice. You have to love yourself first. It's been two years and you're still there? Come on. Nothing has changed, you think it's gonna change now? You need to walk out with out saying anything. You've treid your best at no prevail, enough is enough.
2006-09-15 12:11:00 · answer #7 · answered by ConfusedK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you still doing hanging around this loser for? Unless you enjoy talking until you're blue in the face...DUMP HIM! He obviously doen't want to change his habits. Move on with your life.
2006-09-15 12:05:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he knows that you aren't really going to leave him, so he is not going to give something up that he apparently enjoys immensely. You have to decide if this is worth walking away and starting fresh. good luck.
2006-09-15 12:03:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooo an easy one!!!! woohoo!!!
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
You "do not want to marry or have kids with a pot head" and "have told him numerous times that if this continues i am going to leave"
It "makes him very nasty, it makes him lazy, he never wants to be intimate".
He " tells me to shut up all you do is compain", ", "keep(s) telling me lies like ok im gonna quite and then he will smoke behind my back" and "always has another excusse".
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
YOU CAN NOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF
So.. If you want to marry a pot head and have kids stay where you are. If you don't.. then you need to pack up and leave. He will not change. not for you.. not for anyone.
2006-09-15 12:13:56 · answer #10 · answered by .... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋