Lets say you have a boyfriend or girlfriend that doesn't want you talking to your "ex" even though it is clear to you and your "ex" that there is nothing more than a really good friendship. Everytime you talk to this "ex" friend your girlfriend or boyfriend gets angry with you. I am just curious who do you sacrifice because you can't keep a steady positive relationship with either? Your good friendship or your girlfriend or boyfriend? Also lets say that you love your girlfriend or boyfriend alot and their only flaw to you is that they are over protective...
2006-09-15 04:48:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Lets say you and this ex have been friends forever and then happened to go out for a long while and now have decided friends is the way to go. So like there is nothing going on that the boyfriend or girlfriend should be worrying about because they are even aware of the situation. They just still continue to be selfish and over protective...
2006-09-15 04:58:57 · update #1
Age being 18 - 21 so marriage is not even close I don't think. THought the age group might help you answer....thanks to everyone answering
2006-09-15 05:01:11 · update #2
I would say that you are in a bit of a pickle, but I guess you already know that. It's kind of a tough situation to be in, but not really, IF YOU ARE COMPLETELY CLEAR ON YOUR FEELINGS FOR BOTH LADIES.
I understand your current girlfriend's point of view. She may have insecurities that may go away if you sit her down and have a long talk.
But you say she is overprotective, that's not a good sign. I understand you love her and all but if you are truly just friends with your "ex" and there is NO other emotional attachment to the "ex", then I think your girlfriend should understand. I don't think you should stop being friends with your "ex". If you stop the friendship with your "ex" this will show your girlfriend that she has some kind of "control" over you, and you don't want that because that will open the door to a lot more controlling situations. Especially if you say that there is no talk of marriage yet.
Do you see the world we are in today? Good, trusting friends are hard to come by. Why would you want to end a good friendship, even if it is an ex? As long as you are NOT doing any funny business with your ex and you prove to your girlfriend that there is NOTHING going on, then I don't see why you cannot continue the friendship with your ex and have your girlfriend be cool about it. I think that you can help the situation by having them meet, and formally introduce them to one another and introduce your ex as a friend not as your ex, even though they know of each other already. If you feel uncomfortable doing it in your house, do it at a friends house. That may help to break the ice and tension. And if your "ex" is such a good friend then she should not have a problem with helping a friend out, by making your girlfriend feel more at ease with your friendship.
Me, personally I would not give up the friendship because I cherish a good friendship. You may easier end up being friends with your ex until you are both old and gray, but it's not sure that you will end up with your girlfriend for that long. Your girlfriends may come and go, but a good trusting friendship is not easy to come by, like I said before. I wish you lots of luck and hope that everything turns out for the best.
P.S. It would be nice to know the outcome of this situation
2006-09-15 10:31:29 · answer #1 · answered by hilda c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the same situation with my husband. The only other guy that I would have gotten married to and I are great friends now. We know so much about each other, and we are really close friends. (If you are wondering the reason we broke up was it was too hard to see each other when he was living in alabama and I was living in england) We broke up on good terms. My husband was wary at first that I would leave him for this guy. He now knows, after I sat down and told him everything (even to the point of this other guy is the only guy I dated that I did NOT have sex with) that I am going to stay friends with this person. There is nothing he really can do to stop it. Now, my ex is planning on getting married next year himself to a great girl, and I couldn't be happier for him.
Now, for the question of should you stay in your relationship and lose a goof friend, or keep the friend and lose the relationship, that is all up to you. If you explain to your g/f that you want to be friends with your ex as friends only and have no interest what so ever in leaving her for that person, then if she is reasonable, she should understand and let you continue to have your friendship. If she is unreasonable, then maybe it wasn't meant to be.
Good luck in either case.
2006-09-15 12:06:36 · answer #2 · answered by Genny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, 2 outta 3 ain't bad, you're 'nearly home' regarding solving this problem. You and the ex seem cool about your communications.
Let's look at this from BigB's perspective (which I was gonna' advise, you see).
Who you gonna' sacrifice? Either or both, just NOTyourself (sanity, self respect, etc.).
It's all about you. How do you maintain balance? How do you weigh whose feelings/sensibilities are the priority? What is the measuring stick for emotional-ridden situations like this? Ah, that IS your question, right?
Start with your standards/opinions/perspective and ask yourself: who's pleasing who? If the friend's anger is because she thinks you'll get hurt/used, then get into deeper discussion about it and clear things up (at some point she'll hafta' back off and let you take your own steps). If you determine she's actually jealous (that anyone likes you, that HE likes you again, that she isn't getting that kind of attention in her life, whatever), then you do have a problem (well, SHE does, how nice of her to share- not). That kind of quality in a close companion is unhealthy for you. People worthy of sharing a portion of our lives need to have a positive influence on us. The challenge, after figuring out if that's the case or not, is 'what to do about it'?
Glad you asked for opinions, something here may stimulate your creativity.
Best wishes, please use this mantra: "me me me, what would I like?"
2006-09-15 12:08:19 · answer #3 · answered by Zeera 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i face a similar situation. my husband doesnt want me talking to my ex, even though he knows that we talk about otehr people(who have been our friends before me and my husband met), about career, about food, places etc. We never talk about our past.
But my husband doesnt like it and gets very jealous. He is just insecure but loves me a lot. And i do the same. So I limited my calls. I only call my ex when i really need some help. And I am glad he understands.
So if your love your bf/gf a lot and think that you guys have a long relationship ahead then trust me its worth not talking.
But if you know that its not going anywhere and your not sure about your bf/gf then i guess you should be not stop talking to your ex.
Because it is very hard to find good friends.
2006-09-15 11:58:18 · answer #4 · answered by p_suzz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should prob take the girlfriends side. She's over protective, yeah, but I also see jelousy and envy in her as well. Just try to put yourself in her sitiuation and see how you actually feel too. You might be surprised at the outcome. I had the same thing happen to me at school today but my boyfriend doesn't need to be creeping around at the b i t c h e s house. Just try not to let your friendship with ur x be too sentive and don't hang around her ALOT. Talking to her before class and on the phone at night is cool, just as long as you make it up to your girlfriend later.
2006-09-15 11:53:09 · answer #5 · answered by Erin the ROCKSTAR! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there both important just find a way to balance them both out even if that means not talking to your ex so much
2006-09-15 11:51:30 · answer #6 · answered by lost_in_love_still 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it should be the person who are you presently with - your boyfriend/girlfriend.
your ex is just a part of your past, you had let go of him/her once, you can do the same thing again.
2006-09-15 11:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by kamahalan_12 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think God is more important. And friends come before girl/boy friends.
2006-09-15 11:50:11 · answer #8 · answered by . 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The ex has got to go!!!
2006-09-15 11:50:14 · answer #9 · answered by fwog_fwog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like gag mee again wit a shovel!
2006-09-15 11:50:02 · answer #10 · answered by NONAME 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋