I learned to love my husband , i wasn't drawn to him as most of the guys I've dated . I was never hot for him but when you love someone you create your own spark. We have recently spilt due to his neglect of me(did not have an affair) but I'm considering giving him another chance since he seems to be trying really hard to change but I have lost that little bit of spark that I once had for him. How important is sex / chemistry. Do you think that one can learn to create chemisty in bed or does it just happen?
2006-09-15 04:40:40 · 16 answers · asked by nm 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i did love him I just didn't really have any sexual chemistry with him. I thought it would be ok but now i'm rethinking it. I think it maybe a big part of what is missing in our marriage . He always thought our sex life was good but I have a very different view.
2006-09-15 04:47:43 · update #1
Very important. No, you can't 'create chemistry'...but, if you love him (and he you) then I suppose you could work towards improving that element of your life...but..I really think (and I could be wrong) that if you love someone...truly?....that chemistry is THERE..if it's not then something somewhere either physically or emotionally is lacking.
2006-09-15 04:49:27 · answer #1 · answered by svmainus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of men will disagree that sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, I know my men would. I feel if you base a relationship solely on sex doomed. What if one has an illness, surgery or medication makes them incapable of having sex.
But that is the opposite in your situation. You've lost the attraction. You need to make up your mind as to how important having an intimate sexual relationship with your husband is to you.
Forget the pressure of the actual making love part. Try rekindling the flame itself. Cuddling, watching a sappy movie together, touching with no pressure for either to perform. Slow dancing. The things that made you feel closer at one time to him. Good luck
2006-09-15 05:20:46 · answer #2 · answered by Balou 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With out the chemistry you will find your self looking or drawn to other men with whom you do feel that kind of chemistry for. Sex does not make the relationship but it helps create the emotional attachment. With out feeling emotionally attached to one another ...do you really have an intimate relationship? Do you have anything special. It sounds as though you love him only as a friend, every one has friends...don't you want to feel special, be special and feel that heart pounding desire for some one again?I don't think you can create chemistry not the kind that is honest, loving and giving. What is a relationship if you constantly have to work at being in love or trying to find feelings for some one that just aren't there. I think you should part as friends and go find your self's be true to your self's and stop trying so hard. You both deserve to be loved freely openly and honestly let go so you can both go find some one you can't stand to be with out, some one who makes your heart pound and you can't stop thinking of them when you are apart.
!Good Luck~
2006-09-17 04:18:34 · answer #3 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't make chemistry happen, it's either there or it's not. Now is a good time to explore how you really feel about him and if you want to continue in a relationship that may not be everything it could be. When I met my husband it was like I had found the other half of myself. My whole being just sighed and I thought finally I found where I belong.
Don't you want to feel that for another person.
2006-09-15 04:45:12 · answer #4 · answered by jagbeeton 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my marriage its important... It all depends on how you feel though...
I am often neglected in that area as well, and have tried several things to rekindle the spark, but what I have tried may not work for you... It all depends on what you and your husband enjoy... What you like may seem icky to me and vice versa!!!
It is possible, but it does take both of you working at it.... If only one is going to put forth the effort, then its a waste of time!!!!
2006-09-15 04:47:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chemistry is not something that can be learned. Why do you love him? Why would you want to stay with him? Are you staying with him for the right reasons? Ask yourself these questions. You cannot make someone love you and you cannot make your self love someone. Sometimes, we stay in relationships with people we have no chemistry with because we feel we cannot find someone better.
2006-09-15 04:45:12 · answer #6 · answered by honeyluv_2010 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is important, yes. ALOT of marages and, or one cheats because they aren't happy with eachother in bed. Either the husband of the wife finds someone else to share there intimacy with.
2006-09-15 04:44:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very important. The physical attraction has to be there or you will end up right where you are now. Move on!
2006-09-15 04:45:06 · answer #8 · answered by ZoSo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Interesting story but can't really answer this without knowing why you married a man you didn't love in the first place?
2006-09-15 04:43:48 · answer #9 · answered by neoscribbler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To tell you the truth it really shoudl just happen. But other things can get in the way. Try to spice things up in bed if possoble. Like but sex things. Its important to feel sexy. I dunno try to talk to him and see if you guys can come up with something. But I belive sex is very important in a relationship.
2006-09-15 04:44:55 · answer #10 · answered by rhodes727 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋