which is worse for my 7yr old boy? to stay in a unhappy marriage and be there or to move on and start over?

Answer 1

When embarking upon a decision like marriage, one must consider the absolute worst things that can ever happen to make a marriage untenable, prior to getting married. Some peoples concepts of unhappy, unfortunately, are immature, irrational and self-absorbed based in nature. Which goes to show the vast difference in peoples opinions as to what the word "marriage" is all about.

Answer 2

Difficult question, but the fact you are asking it shows responsibility on your part as a mum. This is a question that has been asked for many years and studies show that when adults that as children came from a home where all was not well, they say every time they wish there parents had split up. I think the key is how the split is dealt with by the parents. The child must always be the priority over your and your husbands feelings. Children are better off in a happy home even if that happiness comes from the parents been apart. providing your Son is in no danger from your husband / wife. (i am sorry i dont kow if you are male or female) then work it out like adults and share your son. most important of all, have the courage of your convictions. if you leave, stay left, do not yoyo, so if you go be very sure its what you want. Your Son can cope with a lot but your uncertainty will not be good for him. lastly be honest with your Son, tell him whats going on, do not hide things from him, under the misaprehention you are protecting him, Reassure him, let him know you love him and give him stability and routine and everything will work out just fine, I could go on and on but Ill stop, I wish you every luck in what you decide. Good luck and make good choices for you and your Son.

Answer 3

I think staying in an unhappy marriage. They model their relationships on what they seen at home. If all they see is some lukewarm marriage, then they will think that it's OK for their marriage to be like that, too. I came from a home where my parents were just together and that was it. I was sooo happy for my mom when she left my dad and could try to be happy, really happy with someone else. I was only about 6 when they got divorced, but I remember very clearly. Children understand a lot more than what adults give them credit for. If this is something that you and your husband are talking about, then maybe you could try asking him his thoughts. NOT about the divorce, of course, but asking how he'd feel if Mommy and Daddy didn't live in the same house anymore. But a factor also is how far would you be moving? to a town not far or to someplace where visits will be limited? If it's a town too far, then I think trying to work on the marriage harder, or seeing what other options are available to keep all of you in the same town or not too far away will be better.

Answer 4

The truth neither, but as you find you are in this situation and if you have exhausted all avenues to make your marriage work then my suggestion to you is get divorced. Remember you are divorcing your wife not your son. Do not talk bad about his mom to him or in ear shot of him. If you aquire custody do not stop him from contacting his mother. What you do now will affect him his entire life. Just explain to him that you love him and you are not leaving him. You are just going to live somewhere else now but you are always his father and always will be there for him. Most children believe you are leaving because of them so it is improtant you keep repeating that is not the reason. If you say you will take him some place or see him then do it be consistent. In this world we are so busy sometimes things come up but please put your son first. If you do meet a new woman make sure he knows this woman is not replacing his mother she is just a new member of the family not a replacement. Do not let him see you with many different women wait until you know the relationship is going to be long term before you introduce her to him. As this will confuse him if to many women are going in and out. Last but most important no matter what your ex does if she bad mouths you in front of him or what ever evil thing she does. Do not do the same be above that, the child will see that you are a father to be respected and he will love you all the more for that. Children are not our pawns or leverage in any marriage they are our lives they are the reason we get up in the morning to make them happy and safe. Do not be the cause of his unhappiness.

Answer 5

Generally even if you think that you son does not realize that things are not great in the marriage, you are probably wrong. Children sense things that we wish they didn't. Children overhear things that we think they don't. Children see the lack of love, the lack of compassion, the lack of what a normal marriage is supposed to be. They either realize that you are having severe problems or else they believe that this is what a relationship is supposed to be. Our children learn from us. This is not a lesson that you want to teach your child.

In my opinion, it would be best to move on and start over. Just make sure that you are still there maybe now more than ever for your son, he will need you to help him through the adjustment.

Good luck and may you find happiness in the future.

Answer 6

I can only speak for myself .. needless to say I left a unhappy marriage with a child. What I saw in my son is that the unhappy marriage had a huge effect on him .. since the divorce he is more out going and seems so much more happier. But every child will go through their own emotions during a divorce. Its ultimately your decision, have you thought about counseling first?

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 7

Is that what you want to teach your 7 year old boy? do you want him to learn that no matter how unhappy he is, he should put up with daily sadness and stay where he is? If that's not a message you want to give him, then end the marriage for good, I'm sure he will understand when he grow up.
As a daughter, I wouldn't want my mother to "blame" me for his unhappy marriage, I'd rather she got a divorce.
Give you and your boy a chance to live in a happy healthy environment, it's not easy, you will have to work very hard.

Answer 8

move on and start over. If you stay married for the nest 11 years till your son turns 18 then that is 11 years of him hearring you too fight, not showing any affection. it could cause emotional damage to your son. I know that if you get divorced it will be hard on him too, but after a while (and the amount of time is different for every child) he will settle into a routine, and he will notice how much happier that his parents are when they are not fighting all of the time. Just please try to stay in a pleasant/polite mood when his mom is around. don't make your son feel like he has to choose a side.

Answer 9

If you are unhappy it is best to weigh the odds. Can this problem be fixed? Are you both willing ot try, if one of you wants it to work and the other doesn't care it's going to be worse on your son to stay. "Children learn what they live" I carry that all threw my life every where I go, every thing I say and every thing I do. What they are around is what they tend to become. Starting over is not so bad. Some times it takes time, but if you are patient you and your wife will learn to become friends. 12 years later I can tell you my ex is one of my closest friends.

Answer 10

Either situation is going to hurt him.
If you stay in an unhappy marriage your son will feel the sadness between you and your spouse.
If you decide to leave he will be confused and upset over the separation.
What you must do is the right thing for you, keeping in mind your son's feelings at all times.
Good luck.
D