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My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and planned to get married. However, he bought a cheap house (while I was studying for the bar) in a school district that is horrible and cannot understand why I do not want to move my kids there. I live in one of the best school districts where kids go to Harvard and Yale unlike his school district where only 89% go on to secondary education. I am not rich and grew up poor which is why I know how important it is for kids to go to a good school so they have an upper hand in college and life. I went to a school that was similar to the district he lives in and struggled to catch up with everyone else in college. Also, his house is in a subdivision that is newer but the houses are not increasing in value which means he made a bad financial decision (although he will not admit this). I do not know what to do because I love him and want to marry him. Any advice?

2006-09-15 03:43:31 · 8 answers · asked by lady_reed_03 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

8 answers

You mentioned that you and your boyfriend planned to get married… Are you engaged?
Not that that particularly matters, I just feel for something as important as ‘buying a house’ it should have been something he discussed with you prior to going ahead and doing it.
Mind you, he probably meant for it to be a ‘pleasant’ surprise for you !

If your boyfriend could have afforded to buy a home in a ‘posh’ town, do you think he would have? Was it a case of the home he bought being all he could afford to buy? Did buying the home put him in debt?

Home is what you make it… I appreciate that the environment in which you grew up in wasn’t what you would call ‘ideal’ but you turned out OK didn’t you?
I’m sure that with your help and guidance, your kids could turn out fine too !!!

Perhaps your boyfriend may be able to use the home he bought ‘as an investment’. Perhaps he could rent it out, and use the money from it, to put toward buying a home in a more uptown district !!! It would also be feasible if he was to spend money refurbishing the home he bought, and selling it later for a profit !!!

I respect your wishes to not want to move your kids to a horrible district…
We all want what is best for our kids and for ourselves.
I can only suggest that you talk to your boyfriend and tell him that you truly do love him, and whilst you appreciate that his decision to buy the home was something he felt was in the best interest of everyone concerned, you just don’t feel it would be right to move the family to a district that would afford them less opportunities than what they currently have available.

2006-09-15 03:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by I_C_Y_U_R 5 · 0 0

You don't say if you have a house or not, but if so why can't he sell his house and live in yours? If you don't have a house, why not sell his and you buy something together in a better neighborhood? If the value of his house is not increasing, then perhaps this is the best time to sell.

I agree with you that your children need to be in a good neighborhood and school district, so you really need to stand your ground and work this out. There are many options here and you two just need to go thru all of them and find a solution.

2006-09-15 10:52:54 · answer #2 · answered by Kate 3 · 0 0

I would not want my children to live in a bad neighborhood either. Not just because the out come academically, but the physical and emotional risk they take going to and attending school every day. I grew up poor then got into money then learned to meet in the middle. I gave up my nice house where every thing was just the way I liked it, planed it, and wanted it. I had to compromise and meet in the middle, what are his needs and concerns? Is thins simply where he owns his house and you rent? Or is this a financial thing, where he is worried about the cost of living, or is he not accustomed to change? Lots of things to consider, and only and open line of communication will work. Good luck!!!

2006-09-15 10:58:14 · answer #3 · answered by jn46036 2 · 0 0

Sit down and talk to him about your feelings and the two of you may be able to come to a comprismise.....

If you are planning on getting married, you have to learn to give and take...

I understand what you are saying about the schools.... But does he??? Explain to him that, that is VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU!!!! You might be surprised at the reaction you get....

Men and Women do not think alike most of the time and thats why you have to be willing to make sacrafices just as he has to be willing to do the same!!!!

Just sit down and talk with him... If yall have been together for 5 years and are planning on getting married, Im sure yall can come to some sort of a compromise....

Good Luck

2006-09-15 10:56:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Purchase another house in the area in which you wish to live and then rent out the house that he already purchased. That way, it's no longer a bad investment...it's a rental property that will continue to make money long after it's paid off. Everyone wins! He gets to keep his house and you get to live where you want and send the children to better schools.

2006-09-15 10:54:45 · answer #5 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 1 0

Communicate what you typed in here to him. Communication is the key to a good relationship. I wouldnt want to live near Harvard and Yale kids. They do not have a realistic view of the world. Living in a poorer section of town would give your children a better understanding of the world around them. Living around snobs is not the best idea.

2006-09-15 10:51:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I think you should live in your house while you upgrade his then you will be able to rent it out for more money . and make his investment a profit. and it will be and win win situation and happiness for all of you

2006-09-15 11:03:13 · answer #7 · answered by queenwizard2000 1 · 0 0

The woman is always Right ?? Stand your ground...

2006-09-15 10:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by D Grass 3 · 0 1

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