Ethical problem, please help.?

Question

Please understand first of all I'm not a racist. I never have been I never will be.
I come from a part of the UK where the first time I even set eyes on a coloured person was when i was 19 years old. It was a very closed society where only within the last 5 years there are alot of Asian shops around
We are so PC, I don't know whether to say black , coloured, ethnic minority, what? So please excuse me If I offend anyone.
I met a coloured man recently, who is lovely, kind and very caring I would love to date him and he's asked me too but I am scared of what his family and friends will say because I'm white, what my family will say so on and so forth.
What should I do? We are a multicultural society now so why am i frightened of the repurcussions.

Answer 1

You're an amazing person person for having recognized there may be issues here.

First, to answer your question of What to do? If he would like to date you and you would like to date him and you're both adults by all means please do follow your heart.

Second, what to expect. You were wondering what his friends and family might think. Also, be aware that your OWN friends and family may have opinions. It's not necessarily bad opinions but why is that? It's because people sometimes tend to be very ignorant of things with which they have had no experience or knowledge of (i.e. inter-racial dating, etc). We're sometimes afraid of things we don't understand. And although you may encounter some challenges what you'll discover is that over time just by being yourselves you'll be educating them that it's usually no different than dating someone from your own race. [Different would be where there are major language barriers to overcome and where the parties in the relationship can barely communicate with each other].

Your mission, if you will, is to just go on being the same open-minded person you are--aware that there are different cultures out there--and not be influenced by stereotypes and bias prevelant in society.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You should date him. Treat the relationship the same as you would with a white man, take it slow and get to know one another properly. You can do this without meeting each other's families. You might end up being totally unsuitable for one another, so if you think that your family will hassle you, there's no point to tell them just yet. I don't meant you have to lie or hide things, but you can omit details. I've been out with black men, white men and one Asian man born in England, Wales, Scotland and Ireland. There's also been men from other countries, Scandinavian, Italian, American, French, African, Australian and even a fair few women! Apart from 2 relationships, my parents didn't meet any of my partners because they didn't work out. My friends and brothers and sisters met most of my partners and never had a problem with any of them due to colour. Unfortunately I know that not everybody is as open or as tolerant. Even though it is 2006!

Just be sure that you are dating him because you like him, not just because you want to experiment. I'm sure that if things do work out and the relationship develops, when the time arrives for you to introduce him, your family will welcome him. Forget about the ignorant people who may be around, concentrate on your happiness.

Answer 3

Why don't you go on a couple of dates before you even introduce him to your family. See if you like him. I don't care if he is black, white, yellow, green, etc. I just don't introduce anyone to my family unless my feelings are growing strong for him.

Further, you never know what your family is going to say really. They may happy you found someone you really like. I mean does you family talk down about other races? If they do, this could be a problem for your potentional relationship with him. However, you are young but still considered an adult in most countries. Adult, meaning you are able to make your own choices.

As to his family, why don't you just ask him. Ask him how he thinks his family would feel if the two of you began dating, seriously. His answer may shock you. You might find his family is willing to be open minded about you.

Anyway, there are no easy answers here, race has been an issue for centuries. Maybe, one day it won't be.

Good Luck and Take Care

Answer 4

I say go for it. Talk it over with the person ur interested in and see
if u can make it work the only people that really matter in this is u and him and how u feel. I wish u luck I know thats a hard decision
to make and u are considering everones feelings and thats great
but don't let that ruin what could be a great relationship. Also
who knows u may just end up being friends. I really wish u luck
Morgaine

Answer 5

I dont think in this day and age there will be many repercusions to deal with. This is a very tolerant society we live in .I actually married a german and i think there is more racial hatred towards him than ever you will dating a black guy .People seem to have long memories!Most people use the term black.Its not considered racist and is widely accepted.My advice to you is go for it girl, you may get an occasional remark, but im sure he is worth the ride!!

Answer 6

I was in the same position as you 20 yrs ago. It's not easy but I really liked this guy, Indian and I am white, we went for it and are still happily married today with 2 growing sons. My family were told by me to treat him like any other guy or they would not see us again, this worked but we moved away anyway so it's easier. His family to this day I have never met, my sons don't know their grandparents either, we as a family are great so you know what?? It's their loss......so prejudice is all around whatever the colour... he will really need to be in love with you to get beyond family, I wish you luck and much happiness..

Answer 7

Go for it.

Start slow, go to lunch maybe. Meet 1 or 2 of his family at a time, and do the same with your family. If anyone asks you why you are dating him, tell them the things you put here - kind, caring, etc. If they ask why you are dating a colored man, ask them "Why should that make any difference?". Then you can let them stammer and make excuses if you want, or simply change the subject quickly and move on. They won't ask again.

Answer 8

Um. so whats the problem? If you want to date him and you think its cool then do it, and if there are repurcussions you can deal with that when it actually happens. Who knows, you might not even like the dude anymore after the first date.. or your family might adore him! Its too soon to worry about anything, just go with the flow.

Answer 9

It is always going to be a thought in the back of your mind. I wodner what they will think of me. I'm sure that he is thinking the same thing. However, if you are intersted in each other then skin color should make no difference. It is who people are on the inside that really counts. Some of your ideas of race will have to shift, as perhaps his will, but in the end skin color is only...well skin deep. As for persecution, you will be persecuted and treated good or bad for just about anything you do in this life by someone. What matters most is that you are true to yourself.

Answer 10

Being afraid of what others think or say isn't the reason not to date him.

If you like him and find the idea of going out with him appealing, then go out with him. If - when you take what others think out of the equation - you still feel like you have some reservations, then don't date him.

I would have thought the issue of mixed-race dating was resolved ages ago, but not long ago I saw a television program about mixed-race couples and families. Apparently, there are still some issues that mixed-race couples have to deal with.

Its not for me to guess what you have going on in your head about this matter, but I'm wondering if there's a chance that underneath worries about what families and others would say you, yourself, aren't completely comfortable with the idea of dating him. Just a thought..... I'm under the impression that when someone meets someone they really would like to date any worries about what other people think or say tend to kind of take more of a backseat than seems to be happening in your case.