Need help with 13 year old son.?

Question

My son is very definent toward me.He is destroying property and cures.I have five other childern.he is always hitting them.I'm afraid he is going to hurt someone.He said noone can do anything to him.I have called the police on him,but it has done no good.I can't handle anymore.He said no one can tell him what to do.i'm afraid for my other kids.He don't do it when he is somewhere else just at home.He has been in children'shome and group homes.Please help.

Answer 1

is there a father figure in his life? sounds like if he has one he needs a better role model,try a big brother program or a man in your life you respect and trust to spend some time with him just doing guy stuff,i was having this same issue with my 14 year old son,not only did he beat on his siblings but me as well,cut school so much they expelled him,got into drinking and drugs,i couldn't get him to go to counceling,the young man next door has taken him under his wing and it has helped so much,he has given him a job so my son is now looking at the future and learning a trade,he is learning that respect will get him a lot more than anger and abuse

Answer 2

The problem with parental dicipline is that parents lack expectations and consistent consequences. I think you need to sit down with your son and set some ground rules. He can even help you do this. Ask him what he thinks is acceptable behavior of a 13 year old. Write some ideas down together. Everytime he breaks one of these rules, have a CONSISTENT consequence. The both of you can come up with consequences too. With a consequence, you need to take away a priveledge. It is not his right to do what he pleases, HE HAS TO EARN that right and by his behavior that he is currently demonstrating towards you, he does not deserve any priveledges at this point. Don't let him get away with things or he will not take this seriously and continue the bad behavior. The reason he says he can get away with things is because there are no consequences for his actions.

So what consequence was taken when he destroyed property??? I think a good consequence for that would be to make him PAY for the damage either by working or doing chores for whom ever he destroyed the property OR working a part-time job or something. Another thing is...when he does something wrong...ask him how he could have made a better choice/decision and what is he going to do to fix the problem he created. He is becoming a young man and MEN are responsible for their actions.

Have you tried getting him involved in something, sports, band, a club and giving him more responsibilities at home such as taking care of his siblings, doing dishes, anything to help out? That will keep him out of trouble and occupied. By the way, where is his father? This boy is just screaming for a male influence in his life. What is his father doing to help you out? If no father, what about an uncle, older cousin, someone at church or other positive male role model he could go hang out with from time to time when things get rough at home? I would also highly suggest going to see a counselor about this behavior. This is a mother-son thing. You are in this with him, so therefore you should show him that you support him and love him and are on his side by going to the counselling sessions with him.

I hope this helps or at least gives you some ideas to try. Good luck and hang in there. I am a teacher, so I deal with this every day of my life.

Answer 3

Patience, understanding and definatley some counsolling will help.
Dont let him know he has the upper hand if he does, try talking to him more and spend more time with him one on one, let him know that what hes doing to you and your family is hurting everyone.
You have to make sure you dont give in to him, if he is destructive or hurting someone call the police, be firm tell him that you will not allow him to behave like this in your home but also be sure to tell him you love him and care about his well being also when he is having a good day reward him, praise him
I'm sure things will get better but everything takes time.

On a day that he is having a good day sit with him and figure out what it is that you can do to help him, is there something he wants that he can earn from being better behaved, sit with him and type up a set of rules and expectations that you both can agree on and go from there.

Answer 4

Your son is lacking attention from you since you do have 5 other children and the only way he can receive the attention is by doing something wrong. You must talk to him (one on one) make sure that you understant what is going on with him and what you cna do to help. If that doesnt work, have him sit down with a counselor and express him feelings. Just keep a close eye on him at all times!!

Answer 5

You say he has been in childrens homes but has he talked to anyone about why he is behaving like this. There is a reason to why he is acting like this, something is bothering him. My 10 yr old has a very bad issue like this too but i think it is because of his dad. His dad uses alot of drugs and is now in rehab which i have noticed a difference in my son. You need to get to the root of the problem. It may take awhile for him to tell you what is bothering him but just keep trying. ecspecially if it is something to do with a family member.

Answer 6

I think its time to look into counseling .. there is a reason for his behavior. I would even check into Martial Arts.. it a great outlet to get the frustrations and aggressiveness that they are experience. It even teaches them other avenues then hitting, screaming, etc.

Hugs from a Loving Mom to a Brilliant, as well as beautiful 8 year old Jared and Our Angel, Zachary (taken to soon but who will always remain in our heart) ~ Mel

Answer 7

SERIOUSLY...call Dr. Phil or Maury Povich. Some people dont like their dirty laundry aired, but I havent seen one case that Dr. Phil couldnt set a kid straight, or on Maury with the boot camp guy he gets on there. Either that or keep calling the police, tell them you want him taken to a detention center. Or is that the same as what you are referring to as a childrens or group home? If you keep calling them, eventually they will get sick of coming & they will do something about it. If he hits anyone in his family he should be charged with domestic violence.

Answer 8

Is there a father figure? If not, then I would suggest sending him away to maybe a military school (like boot camp) and they learn about respect and honor. I'm not too familiar with it but I'm sure if you put it in search, a bunch of websites will come up. Good Luck!

Answer 9

Absolutely counseling - and if that doesn't help, find out how to have him removed from your home if he will not live by acceptable (to you) reasonable ground rules.

He is a threat to the safety of everyone in your house, and even though he may be your son, you do not have to live in fear, nor should other family members.

Answer 10

If he is doing this at 13 I wouldn't want to see him at 16 because he will be a hardcore criminal. Seems you might need to take some parenting classes along with counseling for him.