A fe years ago he was blantly lying to me about smoking. right to my face! Then I found out he ha dbeen gambling and using a seperate credit card I found previously. Many things today do not make sense yet he seems to twist things and I end up with a spaghettii brain and so lost I can not think straight. I have today tried to talk this out yet he manages to make everything seem above board. I am reall lost here can someone help me?
2006-09-15 01:54:37 · 21 answers · asked by christiznme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have already made plans for the school holidays to take the children and go through womans refuggee. to have two weeks to clear my head and see. From there I may stay out of it for good. to many things just dont add up. he says gambling stopped three years ago as it scared him how fast the moeny went,, but other things he just explains away and I know is so wrong. Now instead of working it out as I am wlaking out the door in a week he has gone to a golfing weekend instead.
2006-09-15 02:07:59 · update #1
where I live divorce takes 2 years so I would have to be seperated that long before I could get it final. This is so hard as we have 7 children who still live at home. He yells instantly and now says he does not yet I hear him all the time. now I jump when he yells and have started to shake not know what will happen next. I have to be careful not to say much and womens refugee say not to let him know where we are going. I always wanted a good marriage and have tried to love our children and take care of them. Now I see my 13 year old is getting angry amongst other things. PLEASE dont look at me as some stupid woamn asking for it as I am not. I have always hoped that thing would improve but I feel my health is going down hill and the time has come to take action for the childrens future
2006-09-15 02:22:21 · update #2
He is a manipulator.
It is time to ask the big question: "Am I better of with him or without him?"
The answer decides your course of action
2006-09-15 01:56:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
A person who lies like that, has a problem. A problem that can only be handled by perfessional help. He is not ready for this and doesn't want it. Gambling is not a habbit to take lightly and it can get serious to owing some pretty large money to some pretty big, mean people. You are doing the right thing with getting you and your children out of the house and away from him before he gets in deep. I was recently with a lier that lier about the petty things just as fast as he lied about the big things. I had to leave because my brain was a basket of noodles trying to figure him out and disifer the truth that was never made clear. You are doing the right thing and unless someone lives their life as an open book to you, then you don't need them and neither do I . Blessed be... your on the right track and your doing the right thing.
2006-09-15 02:22:01 · answer #2 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem hell bent on denying your own senses. You know whats happening and yet you let a compulsive liar explain anything? What purpose would that do but to set yourself up to be lied to again?
Compulsive liars cannot be rehabilited.....EVER...no matter how much therapy they recieve and he isnt even close to wanting it (as he explains everything away so it looks like he doesnt have a problem).
Actually....he doesnt (he's quite happy)! YOU do...you have a man with a mental disability...and you want to make your marriage (one based on lies) work. To do so, would mean closing your eyes to everything and accepting his behaviour. That will stress you out your whole life unless you become someone you are not.
If you dont want to be submissive for the rest of your life...you need to divorce yourself from him...totally...be AFRAID of him as he's slowly destroying you. You love and trust the man you thought he was...not the man he really is. Wouldnt it be better to quit hoping and start again......find someone that doesnt have that same capacity to hurt you? Loves not always enough...to stay partnered forever to. Its YOUR life and only you can decide what is best for you.
2006-09-15 02:13:53 · answer #3 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, your man is manipulating you so that you think you are the problem because he is immature and unable to take responsibility for anything. Sounds like you've got a right loser on your hands. I'd stand by anything you think and feel, threaten to dump his ***...if he still doesn't listen, then follow through with it. He will then realize how good he's got it and will come back on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness. You'll take him back and he'll be treating you nicer, then he will start slipping back into his old ways..so you threaten to leave again. If you love him then go through this process for approximately 3 years, until the part of his brain that connects to his ears has fully developed, and hopefully he will then treat you with respect. No woman should live her life with a man that doesn't treat her like a princess, made to feel that she is the most important thing in his life. So anyway...I hope it all works out for you. It did for me!
2006-09-15 02:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing honey take your babies and find a way I don't know what state you are in but you might consider moving if you go to another state you only need to be there six months to start divorce proceedings and child support and visitation schedules Good luck to you level headed lady your gonna be OK!
2006-09-15 04:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by Katlynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a good attorney. You don't want him to mess up your credit. It is NOT misunderstandings. He is a liar. If you can't trust someone....start taking action now and prepare for the upcoming future. A divorce is in it. Start gathering up money, rent a storage unit and slowly take things there. He may sell your things to pay for gambling or his own attorney.
2006-09-15 01:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, I wouldn't get too upset about the smoking since he's only harming himself but the fact that he lied about it is a problem. The bigger problem is the gambling since that is affecting your finances as well. I would get counseling immediately if you want to save the marriage. Make him go with you and if he won't go on your own. He has issues if he feels he has to lie to you about everything. That's not what a marriage is about.
2006-09-15 02:00:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is my personal view, but that of many. A lie is a lie no matter what the lie, even those that are to protect or save someone from harm of knowing the truth. As I was taught the true shell set you free....
Peace Much Love'ins & Hug'ins Marty & Family(s)/Tribes
2006-09-15 02:00:25 · answer #8 · answered by SovereignOfAmerica 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get marriage counseling ASAP. Don't let this continue. My aunt was married to a man like that for 25 years, and believe me, it just gets worse and you will be left with nothing. Do not let him manipulate you into thinking this is your fault, that is part of his game and you must make him take responsibility for his actions. If he refuses you seriously need to consider leaving and starting a new life.
2006-09-15 01:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by europa312 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to weigh the cost it seems like everything with him has a price you have to deiced if paying it is worth your happiness..
I say get out and be happy quit wasting your time on someone who clearly is not giving you what you need
2006-09-15 02:34:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should of been a defense attorney with the way he lies and twist things around. Tell him he missed his calling and you're outta here. He won't change and will resort to doing more bad things.
2006-09-15 01:59:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋